Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Just had enough really.(11 Posts)
I've had enough.
I am absolutely sick of married/partnered men declaring 'feelings' for me.
I am sick of never being 'enough' for anyone I have a relationship with.
I've never had a good relationship and no one has ever 'fallen in love' with me.
When I was younger, I just assumed that it would happen one day. Now that I'm older I'm faced with the horrible realisation that it won't.
I get the impression that men think I should just be grateful for any attention they show me. Like the lack of love/affection/respect is the price I pay for not being young, slim and attractive.
I feel like I'm viewed as 'subwoman'. Like there's always a subtext of:
Of course I don't love you, look at you...
Of course I'm going to look other women, look at you...
And if I say anything...
Of course you're objecting, look at you, you're just jealous...
Just had enough.
Didn't want to read and run. Sending a big hug.
Thanks. I need a hug!
Most recently was a man I met through friends who came very highly recommended, as it were. I'd known of him for a while - thoroughly decent man so it took me longer than usual to fully get to grips with it.
His position was pretty much that young, slim, attractive women were in a different class to me. They were 'better women'. He didn't think I should be bothered by it and should just accept my lot - after all, he enjoyed my company 🙄
He was in a 10 year relationship previously that he hadn't been entirely happy in (I know the details from others) and I couldn't work out why he'd stuck around for so long if it were that bad. And then i saw a photo of her.
I suppose it feels like the majority of men are after the 'trophy wife'. Some are just more willing than others to accept they won't find her and settle.
I see so many threads and posts on here that say there's more to falling in love and a partner than looks but it's not my experience at all.
Well to be honest it sounds like he has done you a massive favour and you haven't wasted any of your time on him. Please don't let it cut too deep - it's just his viewpoint, not everyone's. He doesn't seem too "decent" if he can say these things without any self awareness or empathy.
I also think you might be projecting your feelings about your self slightly, with some of the comments in your first post.
I'm definitely not conventionally attractive (& growing up I've constantly been compared to very attractive siblings!) and have definitely not had many "good relationships" but I know I have a good sense of humour, I love to try new things and push myself and I am now fully in love with my life. I don't need a partner or anyone else to confirm these things for me because I just know them.
It seems you have lost your spark a little because of these losers and I think you need to pick your chin up a bit and realise how much you are worth. It would be a very boring world of we were all the same.
Again, a big hug
He was decent in every other respect I mean. He was the most recent one and I ended it several months ago.
If it had just been him, I would shrug it off but it's been all of them! In fact, my first boyfriend at 17 was probably the only one who wasn't like this. Even being in my 20s didn't make aa difference.
It's frustrating because I know what my positives are (and I'd include the things you have stated in those) - they just dont seem to be important to men 🙄 they don't seem to care about those things. It's just how you look when you're naked or how others perceive you that counts.
I have lost my spark a bit, you're right .
@Pintofbeer I'm sorry you've had such rotten luck with men. It's hard to keep putting yourself out there when it always seems to end badly for you.
If they were all that shallow, then you're probably better off without them. I promise you that good, decent single men do exist, and hope that you encounter someone like that someday.
Those men who are only interested in appearances are cunts or not for us and you're not missing anything.
It's not a terrible thing to be without a man, anyway.
I'm sure you'll find someone who likes the whole of you.
I think you mean that those things don't seem to be important to the people who you've been dating - who don't seem to have been that nice!
You are worth so much more and deserve to be appreciated for all those wonderful things about you. It's never too late either, who says you have to do things at the same time as everyone else. Keep your chin up lovely xxx
I think the fact that you are attract shallow men probably means you are more attractive than you realise. These kind of men get a sadistic kick out of putting women down to make you feel less desirable to men probably in hope you won't run off with someone else.
It doesn't matter how beauiful a woman is, they will try and put them down. The key is to ditch a the first sign of them trying to lower your self esteem.
Sounds like you are attracting narcissists. There are a lot of them and similar about.
It's common for these sort to make you feel 'not good enough in comparison too...' ect...
I think reading up on how to spot these sorts early on would help. Nothing worse than not noticing until you are beginning to get attached.
Attracting good ones however...well, if you find out how to do that, I think we'd all like to know xD
Please login first.