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Could he be gay ?

(103 Posts)
Underpressure13 Fri 12-Jun-20 22:22:36

Earlier on, my OH was being a bit suspicious around his phone after having a nap. I showed an interest in what he was looking at- but when I got closer to his phone he leaped to grab it . Feeling very suspicious , I felt he was hiding something so leapt to see and kept hold of it. I told him to let me see what was there, saying that if he had nothing to hide he wouldn’t mind or be reacting that way . It turned into a full on wrestle - he was laughing the whole time but using all his strength to get it off me. He said’ wow you’re quite strong’ ( I wasn’t giving in) .
When I said ‘what’s on there that you can’t show me ?!’ He said something along the lines of ‘ I would rather you didn’t see anything and just keep doubting’ so I got even more suspicious then.
Anyway I managed to check a few pages as I got away from him - it was all a bit silly really . Nothing major came of that ( there was one person on Signal he claims not to know , no picture and only one message) , nothing I could really pin to anything . He has so many apps and pages it was hard to look. Afterwards, his male group chat popped up on WhatsApp ( a group of around 10 men he talks to about computers etc ) - he was saying ‘ it’s just guys , nothing going on, old friends’ I saw a few messages on it ( have in the past too) and suddenly I realised that I’ve never - in around 2 years- seen any photos of any women on there, not one. Which I find a bit strange for a group of young men. But within the conversation this last week , there are quite a few pictures of - wait for it - sausage dinners and sausages laid out on plates to look like men’s parts 🤔?! One guy had said ‘ count me in for the dic pics’ . When I said ‘ hang on a minute ...’ he said ‘ oh that’s nothing , just guys joking , it’s banter , just being stupid etc etc . I told him that I didn’t think guys usually had that content on private chat. Then I remembered that he speaks to one of them privately too and in the past has sent the 😘emoji, which I thought was odd at the time. He said that emoji is used ironically Between guys in his country ( he’s not from UK) . I just feel a bit baffled?! Am I really overthinking this ? Has lockdown turned me totally loopy? Do I have reason to think anything ? He denies it all and says I’m being super paranoid and that I should just be glad the guys don’t talk about women . If all that were true , I’d be happy that they’re just ordinary, nerdy guys talking computers and , er, sausages . Somehow though, Something doesn’t feel right .
I’m ashamed that I didn’t trust him , but his reaction was quite extreme- he was absolutely desperate to get the phone. Otherwise I wouldn’t have tried so hard.
Sorry this is long 😬

OP’s posts: |
Bluestripeddress Fri 12-Jun-20 22:40:58

Yes, I think he is hiding that he is gay, sorry!

Aquamarine1029 Fri 12-Jun-20 22:46:17

Whether he's gay or not is moot in my opinion. There's something off about this relationship and you know it. You don't trust him and you clearly have some very serious doubts. It's time to end it and move on.

NoMoreDickheads Fri 12-Jun-20 22:51:09

I would assume the sausage things were a joke, IDK about 'sign me up for the dic pics' tho. confused Was that person English? Maybe they meant, 'sign me up for those dick pics' i.e. they quite like sausages. confused

Does anything else about him somehow 'seem gay?' I suppose you can't necessarily judge by what he's like in bed, as he may be bi or just sometimes involved with men, but still like women/you.

It was weird how he was so keen to hide his phone.

user1481840227 Fri 12-Jun-20 23:41:20

The sausage pics are weird, but then wouldn't it also be weird to have a whatsapp group of 10 'gay' men all together....and they are all so tame that they send pics of sausages laid out in the shape of penises!

Seelow Fri 12-Jun-20 23:49:09

This is weird full stop!

dontgobaconmyheart Fri 12-Jun-20 23:50:08

Not sure what to do with the imagery of a group of gay men sharing phallic dinners and potential dick pics OP, it's all a bit much grin

It does sound like strange behaviour. At best it's pathetically puerile and a real turn off IMO. Obviously he doesn't trust you that much and feels he wants to hide things which isn't particularly healthy. It doesn't seem you trust him either (with good reason).

I don't think anyone can say who is or isn't gay based on this small piece of info. Are there other thing that make you feel you might be - sex life etc?

familys2018 Fri 12-Jun-20 23:55:33

Hi op my boyfriend was in a group chat . Isn't anymore after I seen what was being sent and lost it there were all sorts absolutely vile and degrading. All are married men with kids and there we more dicks pics , dick videos , men doing sexual things to themselves than women ! X

Northernparent68 Sat 13-Jun-20 00:05:06

I doubt he’s gay. I think he was embarrassed as the jokes are n’t very mature. The fact you and him were wrestling over his phone is more concerning than a joke between a group of friends.

illclapwheniminpressed Sat 13-Jun-20 00:34:09

He would be bi if he's with you.

vikingwife Sat 13-Jun-20 02:27:39

Does he have a thing for anal or back do or play ? (Giving and or receiving)

vikingwife Sat 13-Jun-20 02:28:20

He could be bi or pan sexual or gay but it sounds not straight.

Fox43 Sat 13-Jun-20 02:51:10

Guys group chats are so messed up places, some of their banter is sick. So I'm not surprised at the sausage thing.
The kiss face he sent to someone before could have been a bit of a joke I feel.
Do you know any of those men in the group chat? Are they in relationships etc?
I don't blame you for feeling suspicious, especially the way he leaped for his phone.
From my experience, of a friend who was with someone who turned out to be gay, I would say analyse the bedroom, how is he in that department? Does he struggle at all? That was a major tell, tell sign for her.
Usually I would say trust your gut feeling, definitely keep an eye on this and do what feels right

DoctorHildegardLanstrom Sat 13-Jun-20 03:21:26

You wrestled his phone off him????

That is fucked up right there

draughtycatflap Sat 13-Jun-20 04:08:13

Hmmm might be a fetish. Does he always want toad in the hole for dinner? Does he shout “onion gravy” when he orgasms?

Yousureaboutthat Sat 13-Jun-20 04:09:41

I found reading this extremely triggering. The last time my husband attacked me to get my phone he was arrested for assault. He too was paranoid and suspicious. It was terrifying.

It's awful to read that so many people on here think what you did was justified confused. Just because you're a woman doesn't make it OK to attack your partner.

Regardless of your suspicions your behaviour is completely out of order. I suggest that you take yourself away from him before both of you come to more harm as you clearly don't trust him.

vikingwife Sat 13-Jun-20 04:28:32

@Yousureaboutthat fair call on that !

Puds11 Sat 13-Jun-20 04:49:35

When you’re wrestling the phone off someone, it doesn’t really matter why, your relationship is over.

SiaPR Sat 13-Jun-20 04:53:17

does he have a thing for anal or back do or play ? (Giving and or receiving) how would this indicate he was gay? Being gay is same sex attraction. Liking it up the arse does not indicate that.

vikingwife Sat 13-Jun-20 05:11:52

@siaPR no not all men like it up the arse. But he might enjoy tickling his partner back there too. Not all men are “bottoms” some are strictly “tops” - especially repressed ones pretending to be straight! There can be a mentality that it is not gay to give only receive.

If you believe there are never tells in someone’s sex life that their partner may enjoy a same sex attraction & to ask is a waste of time, you are simply naive.

vikingwife Sat 13-Jun-20 05:13:41

Also some like anal play and not gay! But there can sometimes be “tells” or “inklings” a partner may get that her boyfriend is not all straight. She could come back & say the boyfriend makes her use a strap on - bit different to a finger up the bum that !

Casino218 Sat 13-Jun-20 05:44:03

My husband is in a WhatsApp group with some male friends. They are all married but send each other ridiculous stuff on there. He lets me use his phone though. It's more worrying he fights with you to stop you accessing it.

Casino218 Sat 13-Jun-20 05:45:04

Or indeed you fight with him to access it.

GinasWig Sat 13-Jun-20 05:46:57

Bi or gay

JustC Sat 13-Jun-20 08:21:43

Could it be that they were making degrading jokes about gay people and he didn't want you to see how homphobic he is?

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