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When the working week ends I feel intense emptiness(3 Posts)
I work 70-80 hour weeks in a very intense job which I love. It fulfills me emotionally and intellectually, despite the long hours, the business is ethical and I get paid and treated well. I am also close with my colleagues and consider them my friends. The company I work for is rapidly evolving so there is always a new challenge and I meet up to 10 new people a day and work most evenings once the DC are in bed, so have very little "free" time.
When meetings finish on Friday I feel a huge sense of dread and I do not know what to do with myself in the evening or over Saturday and Sunday. My colleagues are always saying TFI Friday and "signing off" for the weekend, but it makes me feel completely alone. On Sunday night I feel excited that I can get my life back.
The irony is I am not alone, per se, at the weekend. I have young DC, a family, parents, friends outside of work, but my relationships with them do not match the intensity that I am used to and it makes me feel very lonely. I really like debate and I like ideas and interaction and intellectual pursuits. One of my colleagues described me as "a very social animal." I like to read and talk and be stimulated. I like parties and events where I can meet people and swap ideas. I think I have always been like this but never had the need met until I started this job and now I don't understand why I can't have it met all the time.
I can't work out if I am work addicted, or overly needy, or too intense or expecting too much from life.
I look at some couples who read books to each other, or read the papers, or go and see and do things together (lockdown dependent) but I can't find anyone outside work to do that with.
What would you say my problem is?
I don't think you have a problem as such, my husband is a workaholic, at weekends he is at a loss what to do so I have to make structure and plans.
Do you not look forward to doing things with dc / family / husband? Is the weekend the drudgery of catching up with household chores and admin that makes you feel this way?
Has it always felt like this or just during covid?
I can relate somewhat to what you say, OP. It sounds as if your work fulfills you and stimulates you. It's not a sin to not be so stimulated by the domestic life. We are somewhat conditioned as females to feel fulfilled by family and domestic life, but it doesn't always match our true feelings.
Perhaps there is an adrenaline attached to the rewards you get from work and your other life doesn't provide the same intensity. If so, what kind of reward? How do you feel when you're away from work for a longer break? Do you manage to switch off and enjoy your family time? Perhaps it's worth finding a pastime that you can do at home to provide another area of enjoyment that you look forward to or just simply to accept these feelings that your main intellectual stimulation comes from your work.
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