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Help needed, how do you show you are interested in a guy?

(43 Posts)
Louise000000 Thu 11-Jun-20 20:19:17

Backstory is, I know a guy through my bro and I've met him a few times. The last time I met him, (Feb) he did make noises that he thought I was attractive however I Was seeing someone so that was it.
So now I've just started chatting to him on messenger as I've just added him, so we are chatting friendly, but how do I give him a hint that I like him without being too forward/ desperate sounding?

OP’s posts: |
thecatneuterer Thu 11-Jun-20 20:38:04

Well I generally show I'm interested by asking them out. What's this nonsense about being forward/desperate? Do you think men are forward/desperate if they ask you out?

Louise000000 Thu 11-Jun-20 20:42:37

No no I'm usually always the one that does the asking, I just mean I don't know how to word this in such a way as I know he's thinking right now that I'm just being friendly grin

OP’s posts: |
waterSpider Thu 11-Jun-20 20:42:46

"Hey we seem to be getting on well. How about a coffee some time when the cafes open?"

Louise000000 Thu 11-Jun-20 20:44:36

Does that not seem random after not having met him since Feb?

OP’s posts: |
daffodilrosedaisy Thu 11-Jun-20 20:45:16

Maybe make a joke or a flirty comment with a wink emoji, or give him a compliment smile

Louise000000 Thu 11-Jun-20 20:47:07

Yes I'm wantibg to sort of give him a green light and gauge his reaction before going right in with the asking him out

OP’s posts: |
priya38 Thu 11-Jun-20 20:53:11

If you like him and they're is genuine banter between you both, he'll sense you like him, he'll already know. Don't allow him to make you do the first move.

If I was in your shoes I'd back off from speaking to him, he'll soon move towards you more. Or even casually mention another guy you've been speaking to, says he's just a friend but bring him into conversation. A guy always sees you as higher status if they've got competition.

Don't be the one to do anything first. Trust me in that, it never works out in the long run.

Yogafairy Thu 11-Jun-20 21:18:26

Don't do what @priya38 says.. that's nuts! Message him saying 'Boris says we are now allowed to meet up with people for sex... how about it 😉 '

Louise000000 Thu 11-Jun-20 21:21:55

Yogafairy tempted grin
I've just gone in with a hope to see you again once all this madness is over.... Hoping he rises to it 🤞🤞

OP’s posts: |
SarahMcDonald Thu 11-Jun-20 21:25:29


"Hey we seem to be getting on well. How about a coffee some time when the cafes open?"

This, it’s quite simple really, no need for game playing. It’s just a coffee, not a marriage proposal.

TossaCointoYerWitcher Sat 13-Jun-20 00:05:03

OP, I'm a guy and that sounds a good tack to take to me - hints you want to spend more time with him but leaves it open for him to make the move.

Personally, @priya38 suggestion would make me think "she's just not into me" and I'd either give up or get confused when you'd inevitably get upset with the fact I'd taken what you said at face value and not asked you out. Then, I'd take that upset to indicate that I annoy you - because, it couldn't be because I hadn't asked you out because you'd ghosted me/gone out with another guy - so, worse, it must be a sign you think I'm some letch/perv/saddo and just want me gone... It's wearing me out just thinking about it! That said, that's just me - other men's mileage may vary...

Fox43 Sat 13-Jun-20 03:39:07

Be chatty, friendly, upbeat, men love that. Don't ask him out, wait for him. But definitely throw in a few little hints about wanting to go something like "I really want to go to this park" or something like that (because of lockdown)

It's always worked for me.

Mixedandproud Sat 13-Jun-20 03:43:47

Good luck! Keep us posted OP!

Louise000000 Sat 13-Jun-20 10:10:50

He said he would hopefully see me again too and then I had a couple of wines by this point and replied, I hope so too beccauuse I thought he was really nice and he's put 'aww likewise smile'
So will wait and see, hopefully he initiates another convo 🤞🤞

OP’s posts: |
Mixedandproud Sat 13-Jun-20 10:15:36

Yes 🤞🤞!

Yogafairy Sat 13-Jun-20 10:55:53

Nice! 👍🏼

coronaway Sat 13-Jun-20 12:00:38

Jesus people it's not the 1950s just ask him out already grin

iamtheoneandonlyyy Sat 13-Jun-20 12:12:08

You're in lol

Ohnoherewego62 Sat 13-Jun-20 12:13:54

Haha love the wine courage!! Well done OP! wink

Elieza Sat 13-Jun-20 13:14:28

Is he single?
I take it you are now single. Perhaps he doesn’t know that you split with your bf?
Perhaps you need to say something that will indicate you are now single so he knows?

Louise000000 Sat 13-Jun-20 13:35:40

He didn't know I had a bf before.
He is single yes.
I've left it at that now so I'm not going back in again! I have re read the messages so I think the bit about hope to see him again could maybe be read as friendly, but me saying that I thought he was nice is pretty clear.
I'm in no way old fashioned, but you have to play the game a bit do you not!?

OP’s posts: |
AgeLikeWine Sat 13-Jun-20 13:41:02

“Fancy a shag, mate?” grin

In my experience, men are often completely oblivious to what women think of as subtle flirting, so a more direct approach is required.....

user283789563 Sat 13-Jun-20 13:49:48

ISTR Graham Norton answering a similar agony uncle query with something on the lines of,
"Men are terribly simple, wear lower cut tops and laugh at his jokes,"
But that said heaven knows what would have happened if I hadn't asked out my OH (of 30+ years now) .
Do you have any mutual friends you can sound out as to whether he falls into the "diffident and hesitant" camp or the "the "just not that into you" camp?

dudsville Sat 13-Jun-20 13:55:32

Wow, some of these ideas are major game playing. Poor basis for an honest open connection with someone.

He made a move before. Did you say you were with someone at the time? Let him know you're single since interested.

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