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For**trigger warning - for those who managed to secure a conviction DV

(36 Posts)
dublingirl66 Thu 11-Jun-20 17:31:38

JUst wonder if what helped you along the way?
We're victim support good?

Did hey take your word for it?
I have pictures
Medical info
Witnesses and WA support

Don't know if that will take me far and I'm so very scared of backing out

Please help me stay strong

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dublingirl66 Thu 11-Jun-20 17:32:21

Sorry for typos

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ChristmasFluff Thu 11-Jun-20 18:20:08

The Police were FANTASTIC - they were the best support of all - but I know it depends on where you are in the country.

They sat with me for hours talking me through what would happen and why I really should press charges this time - in fact they said they were going to press charges anyway, due to the injuries they had witnessed on arrival, and his previous attacks on me. But they really wanted me to press charges myself, for my own self-esteem - and presumably to make life easier for them too I suppose!

The Police also referred me on to the Freedom Programme through Women's Aid, and again, the leaders of that kept me strong.

I had very little to do with victim support - they rang to tell me the outcome of the first trial, and they rang to tell me when he was sent to prison after the second trial. Each time, the Police had already told me. They did offer to support me at court for the second trial, but I had good support from my boss.

The first trial convicted him of four counts of assault - only one of which was seen by the Police. The other three were photographed only. Although my boss had reported them to the Police. There was also a history of Police being called to the address due to his violence by me and neighbours.

It sounds like you have a good case - have you spoken to the Police? they usually have a special domestic violence officer who will take on your case, but the general local Police were really great with me, so I hope you have the same experience.

Good luck OP, you can do this - and I date the start of my recovery from that decision to prosecute. The Police were right - it really helped my self-esteem. xxxx

dublingirl66 Thu 11-Jun-20 18:54:57

Thank you so so much

Have met lovely police so far thankfully

Have hospital record f broken toe and broken rib
Black eye
Ambulance call out
Body cam footage

But mine officer did say don't get your hopes up as it may all not be enough

I'm just scared of him
Rape twice but as he always say - 'who will believe you'??
He has a past non mol from ex partner hope that helps

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borntohula Thu 11-Jun-20 18:58:39

No advice but good luck flowers

dublingirl66 Thu 11-Jun-20 19:08:36

Thank you

It took so much strength to open up on here and be honest about what had happened

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NoraEphronsneck Thu 11-Jun-20 19:28:09

Well done for opening up, that's your first step forward and you will find a lot of support on here.

I don't have any personal experience to advise you but hopefully my post will bump the thread for you.


dublingirl66 Thu 11-Jun-20 19:31:25

Thank you lovely people xxxx

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dublingirl66 Thu 11-Jun-20 20:56:05

Thanks all xx

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Dollyrocket Thu 11-Jun-20 21:08:22

Well done for taking these very, very hard steps xflowersx

dublingirl66 Thu 11-Jun-20 21:23:14

Thank you

I will make it

More and more positive each day

Cut out booze and healthy eating now too has helped hugely !!!

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ChristmasFluff Fri 12-Jun-20 13:37:05

I think maybe the Police are trying to manage your expectations? You have more evidence than I did, if that's any help?

It is scary, but they usually give a restraining order when sentencing. If you don't have protective measures in place already, if the CPS takes the case forward they will be put in place, such as a special flag on your phone number that gives you immediate Police dispatch to a 999 call.

Stay positive- it gets so much better xx

ChangeNameMy247 Fri 12-Jun-20 13:51:12

Don't back out, you've got this far. Keep going

Victim support wernt very helpful in my case. They rang to update me about stuff but I already knew from the police. The police were fantastic, i moved areas & the policeman travelled from my old area to my new house to take my statement ( he had come the night it happened but I didn't want to press charges )

He had wrote down that night that my face was covered in bruises and was swollen. Which definetly helped in court as his soliciter tried to insinuate i did it to myself

I had evidence of bruises, blackmailing and my statement. His soliciter was brutal, i honestly thought he was going to get away with it. I didn't stay to watch him give his evidence and I had a screen up when i gave mine.

When he was found guilty it was surreal, he'd gotten away with so many things over the years. I never expected they would include the children on the restraining order

They should offer a restraining order, you can apply to have it extended close to when it is running out and you include papers so your address stays private too.
He's not been allowed to contact or communicate with me or the children since 2017. My children are only 5 & 3.

The police took my word for it, there had been so many police call outs over the years and i never pressed charges. His family are well known to the police and 2 months before ex was in court his brother was in court for trying to suffocate his girlfriend. We lived in a very small town

Good luck, keep going. Your doing so well x

StrictlyAFemaleFemale Fri 12-Jun-20 14:08:38

I believe you.

LemonsLive Fri 12-Jun-20 14:10:55

ChangeName, heroic.

dublingirl66 Fri 12-Jun-20 17:04:20

Thank you lovely people on here

You guys prob saved my life

And you all helped when I was like 'erm he is a nice man but he has broken my toe ' etc. !!!!!

So brave to tell me how your stories I know I am in for hell but I must do this

I have no choice

Life time restraining order would be heaven
I wish !!!!

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dublingirl66 Sat 13-Jun-20 10:01:32

Thanks all still waiting to hear back

Reported the most recent incident few days back but no one has got back to me

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ChristmasFluff Sat 13-Jun-20 13:07:02

I think the DV Police are probably overwhelmed with the effects of lockdown :-(

Try not to worry too much. I didn't have to go to court for the first trial - because he pleaded guilty. Hopefully the same thing will happen in your case.

PicsInRed Sat 13-Jun-20 13:25:15

And you all helped when I was like 'erm he is a nice man but he has broken my toe ' etc. !!!!!

Are you the OP from the post in which the partner broke her toe in the garden? If so, I remember and that guy was a complete and utter bastard. Well rid and good for you.

dublingirl66 Sat 13-Jun-20 14:56:39

Thank you all
No that was not me he broke it in the flat

Amongst other things

I am so used to being told no one will believe you

I had to hit you that's how it is in relationships

Madness !!

I know what happened
Friends and family saw stuff too but I worry it's not enough

Just came across an email invite to 'our wedding'

He booked it when I told him let's wait for a year and maybe consider marriage then
He booked the wedding for the following month

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dublingirl66 Sat 13-Jun-20 19:14:54

I believe I have. Enough to take it further and if cps say no I will ask this to be reviewed


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dublingirl66 Thu 18-Jun-20 16:28:18

Cps said yes to prosecution

So happy

Petrified at same time !!!!

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Vodkacranberryplease Thu 18-Jun-20 16:46:25

Omg I'm so happy for you! And so proud of you! Cps do not like pursuing cases that are not a sure thing. He won't get a huge sentence but he will have a record, other people will get able to check on that record and you will be able to set some heavy duty restraining orders in place.

There was a documentary recently that followed several women and one woman was given a panic alarm to take everywhere. The guy has the police on him the whole time. Smarmy git he was too they didn't believe a word of his crap.

The best thing I think you can do right now is to understand how to present this and yourself in court. Ultimately it will come down to who they believe to some extent (though you have the cps and police backing) and you will have an unpleasant barrister cross examining you, so you'll need to get used to that feeling and not get flustered or bulldozed into giving the wrong answer - they twist the truth.

No doubt they mostly use the same tactics do if it's not too triggering see if you can find out what they are. I'd be ringing the cps and asking them personally - asking what makes these a success? What makes them fail? What questions will the other side ask? What will they be trying to imply.

And go to any lengths to get proof eg abusive texts you may not have any more could perhaps be recovered from your provider? Anyone that saw the bruising, pressure them to either give a sworn statement or be a witness (not sure what proof you can use).

I dont know If he had money but if it's appropriate and a solicitor agrees I'd be inclined to bring a civil case too. The burden of proof is lower and you will need to get (expensive) support.

And all that shut about no one believing you was just a pack of lies designed to keep you in line.

dublingirl66 Thu 18-Jun-20 17:44:06

Ok thanks so much

How else do I prep for this ?
Initial hearing sept
He will say he is innocent the big lier

Then next case???? Who knows

Thanks alll xxx

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Vodkacranberryplease Thu 18-Jun-20 19:56:33

Post a new thread I think saying - preparing for DV trial what do I need to know?
Then people who have been there will give their evperiences.

I would also google lots of natural language phrases like admissible evidence for a domestic violence trial UK and anything that pops into your head. Make sure it's UK though as laws are to different everywhere!

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