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How do you learn what you bring to a relationship?

(13 Posts)
MistakenGolfShot Wed 10-Jun-20 20:28:02

I’m trying to use lockdown to be a healthier person. I read an article which said your OLD profile should be the things you can offer someone, but I genuinely don’t know these things 😢 I’ve never been in any sort of relationship.

I’m not funny or talkative. I can’t cook and I have a very bad relationship with food.

I genuinely feel flummoxed by relationships but I so badly want one.

OP’s posts: |
SomeoneElseEntirelyNow Wed 10-Jun-20 20:30:43

You sound like you've got some serious self esteem issues- have you thought about therapy or counselling to get to the bottom of that? You'll find dating a lot less gruelling if youve got a solid footing in yourself.

Eileithyiaa Wed 10-Jun-20 20:35:09

Have you got a friend to ask?
If you ask a friend to tell you your good qualities? It's hard from a personal point of view, and you will have lots of amazing qualities to offer somebody but don't have the self-esteem to recognise them yourself.

Loyalty
Intelligence
Good conversation
Kind
Thoughtful
Selfless
Good with finances
Shared hobbies etc

smilebe kind to yourself OP

MistakenGolfShot Wed 10-Jun-20 20:36:47

I briefly saw a counsellor as a teenager but it wasn’t very successful. I need about a year of knowing someone before going into happy or sad let alone crippling self hatred.

OP’s posts: |
SomeoneElseEntirelyNow Wed 10-Jun-20 20:38:51

I think you should give counselling another go - dating can be super hard and i think you could do with building some resilience first.

Elieza Wed 10-Jun-20 20:47:23

I’d try the counselling again too. You are a different person today then what you were in your teens. We all change as we grow older.

Also sometimes you just don’t click with the counsellor. I’ve had that once. It was a man for rape counselling. It just didn’t help me. However I got another one a few years later who was a woman and I just clicked and it really helped.
Good luck grinflowers

MistakenGolfShot Wed 10-Jun-20 21:10:24

I feel like a fraud getting counselling just because I can’t get a boyfriend blush I mean, I’ve never been traumatised or anything.

OP’s posts: |
SomeoneElseEntirelyNow Wed 10-Jun-20 21:29:30

How old are you?

funnylittlefloozie Wed 10-Jun-20 21:48:38

But you wouldnt be getting counselling just because you cant get a boyfriend. You'd be getting counselling to help you overcome your self-hatred, and your crippling lack of self-esteem. Then, once you'd sorted your head out a bit, you'd be better equipped to look for a relationship yourself..

Crystalspider Wed 10-Jun-20 21:51:30

I'm sure you do have good traits op just keep the profile short, brief and positive, there's normally tick boxes anyway, If you don't want to describe your personality, explain what you like to do at the weekend, what kind of relationship are you looking for etc
I wouldn't dwell on what you can't do and definitely never put yourself down to a potential date.

funnylittlefloozie Wed 10-Jun-20 21:56:45

I’m not funny or talkative. I can’t cook and I have a very bad relationship with food

Are you a good listener? Are you interested in anything - sailing, or reading, or ancient civilisations, or astronomy, or golf? What do you do for a living- do you like your job?

I put on my OLD profile that i liked cooking but really hated cupcakes, because they are twee and everyone is/was obsessed with them. It didnt tell you much about my personality, but it gave people something to start a conversation about.

Seriously, go to counselling. Get to know yourself a bit better, and value yourself as a decent and lovable person, and then start looking for a relationship.

category12 Wed 10-Jun-20 22:01:13

But you wouldnt be getting counselling just because you cant get a boyfriend. You'd be getting counselling to help you overcome your self-hatred, and your crippling lack of self-esteem.

This ^

The types of boyfriend you're likely to find while you're this down on yourself are users, losers or abusers.

Start building up your self-esteem.

DaisyBag Thu 11-Jun-20 06:51:05

MistakenGolfShot

I'd ask a few trusted friends what they like and value about you. I did this recently and the responses were surprising. It's funny what people see in you that you overlook in yourself.

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