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Anyone else destined to be alone for the rest of their lives?

(66 Posts)
Springisintheair2 Wed 10-Jun-20 18:45:50

Anyone else feel like they're doomed to be alone forever? Have never had anyone be in love with me, I don't know what that feels like. Once thought I'd met 'the one' and everything was going well and suddenly he moved quite far away and we didn't really speak after that. Bit embarrassed to admit I'm just very lonely, can't remember the last time I had a hug or another adult to talk to.

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Delbelleber Wed 10-Jun-20 19:18:21

I'm in a different situation to you but ye I feel like I'll be single forever now.

DandyMandy Wed 10-Jun-20 19:50:46

I don't know about being destined for it but I have made the active choice to stay single until someone extraordinary shows up (which is a long shot, I know). I've seen too many people be in relationships just for the sake of saying they've got someone. Romance isn't even a real thing in my opinion. If it is, it's clearly very very rare. I won't fall into that trap and if that means being alone then so be it.

kgal3542 Wed 10-Jun-20 20:00:39

That's a brave admission. Do you have a faith? Would you consider joining a local church after lockdown? The churches are going to open soon, and you could try attending services until you find a church and a congregation where you feel comfortable. Best wishes to you brew

NoMoreDickheads Wed 10-Jun-20 20:04:04

Aw. After my experiences with men, I wouldn't be that bothered if I were single for ever TBH.

I'm sure you'll find someone if that's what you want, though. xxx

Dandy- yes it'd have to be someone very decent who respected me as a whole person. I know romance is a thing, but men are not always the most romantic/respectful souls in my experience.

Ceriane Wed 10-Jun-20 20:04:17

DandyMandy....this is exactly how I feel!

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace Wed 10-Jun-20 20:07:47

DandyMandy....this is exactly how I feel!

And me smile

nearlynermal Wed 10-Jun-20 20:27:27

Yes. No more chances for me, I'm afraid. Still trying to get my head around the fact that, when my surviving parent dies in the next couple of years, I'm never going to be anyone's favourite person.

TheresGotToBeMoreToLife Wed 10-Jun-20 20:28:21

I can see that being the way my life goes to be honest yes. I'm a mum to 2 young boys. I cant see my value or that anyone would ever want to take all 3 of us on.

TheSecondMrsAshwell Wed 10-Jun-20 20:33:55

Yeah. Reached the age of 52 and FINALLY only one person (non blood related) has said that they love me...... He's talking through his dick.

Dealing with someone else who is behaving like he's my soulmate, but wouldn't shag me if his life depended on it.

Third guy won't shag me either, but behaves like he keeps a set of flintlock pistols - justincase.

Oh FFS. I can't be doing with this shit now, I'm too fucking old. You couldn't do this 20 years ago, when I might have enjoyed the drama?

savetti Wed 10-Jun-20 20:40:44

Yes
Can’t possibly see that happening
But that’s ok

wobblywinelover Wed 10-Jun-20 21:05:24

Yes here. Terrible experiences with men, can never trust again but that's by the by - even if I could face dating I wouldn't have the time. I have a child who will depend on me for the rest of his life and as he gets older my parents will also be getting older so what care I don't need to give to him i'll be giving to my parents. No other siblings to help, or family. I'm basically an 'in between' caregiver.

Springisintheair2 Wed 10-Jun-20 21:20:59

@DandyMandy I have to agree, not necessarily making a choice as that would, for me, require having someone I was interested in and vice versa (if that makes sense?) but I have very high standards for myself in terms of how I wish to be treated and the sort of person I would be in a relationship with. I have a primary school aged child so I am aware that who I do choose to be with, if anyone, will impact on her also.

I do respect and love myself a lot, and I'm not exactly miserable, but I would like someone to share my life with, conscious of the fact my child won't be at home forever. Have written off having another child though

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AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit Wed 10-Jun-20 21:45:49

I'm in this club. I'm done now, 35 and nothing to show for it other than 3 failed relationships and 3 broken hearts. To be honest I love my own company, I never wanted kids and have my own home and all my shit together now anyway. A stable environment is a huge necessity to me and I've only ever felt the opposite of that with relationships. I can't say I'd turn away someone who fit right in where he needed to, but he'd have to fall into my lap and be absolutely perfect... and let's face it. Disney isn't real!

Maria1921 Thu 11-Jun-20 10:49:39

Yes, me too.

I'm older than you all. I have spent my entire life looking for my 'forever' man. Every time I think I have found him, it lasts a while then ends. Then I meet a new man and think that HE must be 'the one' I've been waiting for, and the cycle starts all over again.

I've invested so much, too much, over decades,and tried so, so hard to make each relationship work. Countless hours listening to their issues, being understanding, tolerant, forgiving, learning their likes and dislikes, thinking up special treats and surprises for birthdays etc and "keeping things interesting". No matter how well it started, after 3 to 5 years each one ended: either he left me (always for someone else) or I left him after he mistreated me.

As I got older I got more desperate and my standards dropped so I would tolerate more red flags and turn a blind eye to things about him I did not like. I became more passive, less challenging, even more understanding, tolerant, devoted, sympathetic, etc.

The result was that I unwittingly fell into the hands of a covert narcissist who emotionally abused me and repeatedly triangulated me with other women, making us compete for him. I found myself in tears every day, calling the Samaritans time and again. I had to reach very deep to find the strength to dump him.

I know now that I am better off on my own. I am so much happier and calmer and no longer doing the humiliating "please don't leave me" dance. I also feel totally secure.

My experience is different from yours, OP, but look at it this way: at least you haven't been dragged time and again through the traumatic cycle of getting up false hopes, falling in love, striving to make it work, and feeling gutted time and again when it fails and then grieving and being left heart broken, only to end up alone at 55 anyway.

Maria1921 Thu 11-Jun-20 10:52:24

AWiseWoman's post prompts me to add that I now own my home in my sole name which nobody can take away from me. Previously breaking up meant not only a broken heart and broken spirit but an unwelcome domestic upheaval - in some cases having to sell a jointly-owned property and the chore of moving and getting resettled.

NEVER AGAIN!

Ylfa Thu 11-Jun-20 10:54:09

I don’t feel doomed but it is what I aspire to, yes.

peakygal Thu 11-Jun-20 10:57:59

I feel that way too. Im widowed just heading for 4 years with 3 DC. I would never do Internet dating as its just not something I've ever been interested in. I rarely have the opportunity to go out and when I do I know everyone and their lifestyle (my area has become very popular for cocaine use) and I wouldn't be interested in any of them so have decided to concentrate on me some more and hopefully when I least expect it I will meet someone

IndieTara Thu 11-Jun-20 11:12:33

Yes I also can see myself being single for the rest of my life. I'm 53 and have had the love of my life years ago but it didn't work out. I'm done with dating too.
I am very lucky though to have the unconditional love of DD 11 and DDog.

Springisintheair2 Tue 16-Jun-20 17:34:03

@peakygal sorry for your loss. I can't hack Internet dating either, it's never felt organic for me and never worked out!

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Springisintheair2 Tue 16-Jun-20 17:35:01

@Ylfa doomed was the wrong word! More like fated. It won't be the end of the world but I do feel lonely!

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Crescent11 Tue 16-Jun-20 21:26:34

Should you be defined by who you have (or don't have) a relationship with? It's not a failure in my book if you are single.

Dhalandchips Tue 16-Jun-20 21:32:18

I'm about to turn 50. Two disastrous marriages but four fabulous dcs. I'm reconciled to the fact that I am now single for ever. I have no desire to find another man. I'm obviously terrible at choosing men so just not going to bother.

Fosler Tue 16-Jun-20 21:44:36

After an abusive long marriage that broke my heart to end, I'm very happy and content on my own. I was almost 60 when I was first in a position to make my own choices! Bliss! I'm a happy cat lady now. I'm not lonely. I indulge in the peace in my home and the fact that I have my bed all to myself, (bar the odd cat cuddle), and can do what I want, when I want!

There's lots of interesting things in life. I don't need a man to make it better.

beachcomber70 Tue 16-Jun-20 22:27:42

I decided when I was 51 never to bother again. I now feel safe, secure in my home, and life is calm and peaceful.

I spent too much time and energy making things right for others and hoping this would mean I was loved and valued.

My time is now my own and I love it.

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