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Do I Tell Him

(23 Posts)
chocolateaddict231 Wed 10-Jun-20 14:26:02

Hi guys,

Looking for advice as impartial as it can be, I understand that might not happen. My boyfriend is upset as I was spending time with my ex boyfriend over the past few weeks. He says himself he knows I didn't cheat but that I was clearly emotionally involved. We have talked this through and he is ok with it but I did lie to him one night that I stayed over. I stayed over as a friend and we hung out, and then I stayed there on the sofa bed as a friend. He thinks i was somewhere else that night. Should i tell him this? The guilt is horrible. I haven't seen my ex since and I wont be friends with him anymore but do I tell him, I think he can sense a lie between us

OP’s posts: |
Andwoooshtheyweregone Wed 10-Jun-20 14:57:14

I think you clearly have feelings for your ex. Break up with your boyfriend and let him move on and you should deal with your feelings for your ex.

BluebellForest836 Wed 10-Jun-20 14:58:52

Your boyfriend deserves better.

Reader1984 Wed 10-Jun-20 15:01:56

No don't tell him. It'll only make it worse.

Bunnymumy Wed 10-Jun-20 15:06:39

You can stay friends with an ex but staying at his house (alone?) overnight, especially knowing your partner is not comfortable with the friendship is extremely disrespectful.

I think you need to break up. And ask yourself why your boundaries are so askew that you would behave like this towards your partner. You shouldn't have put yourself in the situation where you had to lie in the first place.

I would break up, citing that you need to do some self work before getting into a relationship again.

chocolateaddict231 Wed 10-Jun-20 15:11:35

Do you think I could tell him and then move out giving him time to think? Would that do any good?

OP’s posts: |
Aquamarine1029 Wed 10-Jun-20 15:15:14

Why are you lying to your boyfriend? Break up with him for his sake. He deserves someone who respects him.

CrazyDaysAndMondays10 Wed 10-Jun-20 15:23:04

I think is someone did this to me it would be a dealbreaker. If someone I was seeing was staying over at an exes house .... And then lied about it . The trust would be gone .

I'm sorry , but as a PP said , your boundaries were not good to do this to your boyfriend and actually , also , to yourself . You have put yourself in a difficult situation .

How long have you and your boyfriend been going out? and .... What is going on with the ex?

Bunnymumy Wed 10-Jun-20 15:25:34

I think you should just move out.

He doesn't need time to think. His girlfriend has disrespected him, what is there to think about?

You could move out to do some self work. Be honest with him then and perhaps, in future he will forgive you.

But you have to understand why you behaved the way you did. And be prepared to change so there is not a repeat of the behaviour.

It is possible he may also expect tou to end the friendship. However...is the friendship perhaps more important to you than the relationship? Perhaps ending the relationship is the better move.

MagnoliaJustice Wed 10-Jun-20 15:26:43

You obviously have feelings for the ex boyfriend and staying overnight (regardless of whether anything happened) is an absolute dealbreaker. Be kind and let your current boyfriend go, he deserves someone who is able to commit to him wholeheartedly, not someone hung up and in constant contact with a former boyfriend.

I'm not saying anything about breaking lockdown regulations

TheOnetoWatch Wed 10-Jun-20 15:28:27

In lock down hmm

ErickBroch Wed 10-Jun-20 15:59:19

End it because you are behaving really inappropriately. I would bet you have cheated with the ex as well. Feel sorry for your boyfriend.

AlanAlAl Wed 10-Jun-20 16:29:12

If you really loved your BF you wouldn't even consider spending time with another man, ex or not.

Sit down and let others behind you appreciate your BF in a way that you clearly can't. Youre just mugging him off the poor guy!

backseatcookers Wed 10-Jun-20 16:35:21

And all in lockdown... lovely.

You're happy to do something you know your boyfriend would be uncomfortable with, to the extent you lied about it.

Break up with your boyfriend.

And stop flouting rules to have a sleepover with your ex ffs.

Time to grow up I think!

minielise Wed 10-Jun-20 16:37:17

If you have to lie you are doing something wrong

JustC Wed 10-Jun-20 16:57:25

What you did was wrong in the first place. And you knew it, or wouldn't have hidden it. I would confess as I couldn't live with myself hiding it and see wherw you guys go from there.

BumbleBeee69 Wed 10-Jun-20 17:03:19

Fuck sake.. your poor boyfriend.. leave him and let him find someone who will cherish him and respect his feelings..

waytheleaveswork Wed 10-Jun-20 17:04:03

It is against the government guidelines to stay over someone else's house.

Yes, tell your boyfriend you are an irresponsible individual who cannot comply with essential public health directives, and then end the relationship so he can find someone kinder.

Mikeymoo12 Wed 10-Jun-20 19:20:01

Why would you treat him this way if you loved him? Let him go and find someone who truly does love him and will treat him properly

Trevsadick Wed 10-Jun-20 19:25:11

Wtf?

Your boyfriend deserves better.

thebear1 Wed 10-Jun-20 19:28:49

If my partner stayed overnight with an ex girlfriend and said nothing happened i would need to really trust them both not to think I was being lied to. Nothing happened but can you really expect him to believe you?

chocolateaddict231 Wed 10-Jun-20 22:23:49

To be clear in my country it wasn't against my countries guidelines

OP’s posts: |
backseatcookers Wed 10-Jun-20 22:45:42

@chocolateaddict231

Doesn't change the main point me and other posters made:

You're happy to do something you know your boyfriend would be uncomfortable with, to the extent you lied about it.

That isn't what you do if you are in a relationship with someone you're committed to.

You need to break up with your boyfriend, you're being unkind to him.

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