Hello,
Im a mum to 4 and have been married 15 years , the children are alomost 14, 12,6 and almost 3. My dh after we got married became very abusive physically and emotionally, but as usual he always said sorry and we moved on. I am Asian and I married him at the age of 18 and my whole family was against this marriage. When I became pregnant a year into our marriage, unplanned , he was so angry he wanted my to have an abortion, and I didn't agree, he then became physical he started beating me when I was pregnant, as I was ready to learn him he wouldn't let me and promised to change. I dint leave, at the age of 20
And someone who had only lived with my parents I didn't know where to go and how to cope. We argued all the time things didn't get much better, when I had my 2nd dc she was a few months old, he strangled me so hard that I passed out for a few seconds I think when the baby was in my hand, when regained consciousness he was holding her, but he didn't stop after he put her down he picked up a kitchen knife and threatened to kill me then help me down and strangled me again. I was literally terrified, all these encounters happen after he had a few drinks, I called the police then panicked they took him away for the night and he came back and we moved on. The physical side of it got better but the emotional didn't.
I stayed I was weak, i dint want my kids to come from a 'broken home'.
I'm a british born Muslim and he's a Indian born Hindu. His argument have always been that I don't expect his religion, I don't know how he can say that. And that I don't look after his parents which I do they stay with us annually for weeks and i call them a few times a week. Anyway I don't get what he wants or expects. Today his had a huge argument and he makes the kids sit down and tells them everything from his side making me look awful things which aren't true. They cried I told him to let them go to bed but he won't until they agree his right.
They've witnessed him be awful a lot through the years.
I want to separate but don't know what to do. I'm scared. I'm a SAHM he's is the main provider. I don't have the money to cope. We own our home and have a mortgage. What if he fights for custody? I don't know the first thing about where to go from here. Please help. Also when I ask for a divorve it won't go down well. I don't want to report the abuse. I just want out. Help talk me into saying it's the right thing as I always talk my way out of it . I'm 34 I've accepted I'll have to live alone all my life. Maybe I don't deserve happiness. I'm
Scared I'm going to damage the kids.
Sorry it's all over the place I hope it makes sense. I hope someone can give me some advice.
Thanks
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I need to get out ... but how ?
22 replies
mumto486 · 10/06/2020 00:42
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.