It is my 40th birthday next and as we are in lockdown are limited what we can do. I suggested to my oh picking up tapas from a restaurant about 20 mins from us, his response 'what you want to drive 20 mins to pick up tapas', like I was asking for a helicopter ride over the grand canyon! This has really annoyed me, we have 2 small children I am bf so can't really drink so just wanylted some nice food and chilled out day. AiBU to be angry at this? Maybe I'm over_reacting but really am I asking too much. This has got me thinking over our whole relationship, we have been together for 15 years, and literally if I could have my life again I would not be with him. Maybe it's turning 40 that's affecting me more than I thought, sorry for ranting.. X
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Tapas for my 40th.. Am I asking for the moon on a stick?
MumToBe1980 · 09/06/2020 21:22
No your not, 40 is major- it should be an awesome day! Have a great time- and you can always do something else for your Official 40th later in the year if need be (you have an excuse to do something twice now.) 
Your OH should be doing everything possible to make it a fantastic day. xxx
I did a massive favour for my xh, it wasn't birthing and breastfeeding his child, but close, and to thank me he picked me up one of those granola yoghurt pots from the reduced section. I'm now single
Happy 40th birthday for next week
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I would think you would have bought tapas for him readily if he wanted them. This behaviour from him has also highlighted how poorly you are treated.
Women in poor relationships often write the good dad comment, just as you have done here. They write that often because they can think of nothing positive themselves to write about their man. He is neither a good dad nor any sort of a decent partner to you if you are treated with such overall disdain. The good times you likely have now are probably because you all walk on eggshells and otherwise behave on his terms.
Do not keep on teaching your children that a loveless and a shit beneath the surface relationship like you are describing here could become their norm too. Staying for the kids is a very bad idea indeed, it teaches them that a loving relationship is not their birthright. Whose sake too would you be staying for if you did stay; I would argue not theirs but yours. It would not be easier for you to stay at all and besides which you also write that you do not love him. He wore you down so much you ended up staying with him!.
"he problem is that my children are my world and I would not trust him to look after them without me, he is slap dash in his approach"
Do not use this as a reason to stay with him either; its also a poor reason to remain with him. Do you think too that such a man would be at all bothered with his children post separation if he can't really be asked to look after their wellbeing now?. I would get him to see them at a contact centre and formalise all access through the courts, no informal arrangement.
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