I've been chatting to a few guys online during lockdown, ready to hopefully meet a nice chap when the world starts again! There is one guy I'm talking to who seems perfect. I've had a few phone calls with him too, and one video call. He is articulate, intelligent and well educated, interesting, fun, cute, clearly interested in me but not pushy at all. You get the idea - I like him! I basically lost interest in talking to anyone else once I'd started chatting to him.
In our video call, we started talking about past relationships (for the first time), and I asked him if he had ever cheated on a partner. He winced, sighed and told me that he had. He said his marriage ended (last year) due to a lack of intimacy, with his wife losing interest many years before and not even wanting to kiss him. He said that after staying faithful in a sexless marriage for about ten years he finally caved in and had a brief affair. He said he thought about leaving at the time (instead of having the affair), but couldn't bring himself to do so because he couldn't bear not to see his children every day, and so had an affair instead. He said it was only brief because he felt so guilty. He admitted it to his wife, and they stayed together (again, sexless) to co-parent the children. He said she had affairs too, but that he had his one first.
He finally left her last year (three years after the affair), because he and his wife had grown so far apart it was starting to impact on the children.
I'm really torn. I hate cheaters, but he seemed so sad and genuine about it, and he didn't try to hide it from me when I asked. I can believe that he would have gone to great lengths to stay in the marriage to be with his children - he obviously adores them (he's talked about them loads - which is fine with me as I've talked about my kids loads too!) and spends lots of time with them now (they are all teenagers, the oldest nearly being an adult), with them living with him roughly half the time.
He says he will completely understand if it is a deal breaker for me, and is just glad he had the opportunity to spend a few weeks chatting to me.
Aaaagghh! I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice? Should I give him a chance, or is it a case of "once a cheat, always a cheat?"
Thanks!
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Relationships
Once a cheat, always a cheat?
WomblingTree · 09/06/2020 16:10
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