Sorry this is long.....My partner and I had a great relationship, the absolute love of my life, no issues whatsoever. Had our future planned out and I was the happiest I have been. Then all of a sudden he’s floored with depression, anxiety, panic attacks. He’s so low, he doesn’t want to talk, hasn’t managed to eat, or sleep properly for weeks. His thoughts spiral and he can’t make any decisions. He tries to search for a reason as to why this has happened and is questioning our relationship, his job, our house etc. He’s been on medication for a long time and had a history of ,depression and anxiety and is also seeking help from a therapist.
I have always stood by him and told him I am there for him, whatever he needs even when he tells me he’s not sure he wants what we have. In the last four weeks he’s made decisions and statements (which change daily) that includes:
‘I’m not sure I want a relationship’
‘I want to move back with my parents’
‘I miss my family when I feel like this’
‘I’m moving out and I’m renting a flat with my best friend’
‘I need my own space and things’
‘I don’t want to move out’
‘I don’t know how I feel about anything’
‘I’m not renting anymore I’m going to buy a place and I don’t know what that means for us’
‘I think I want a break but I don’t know what’s best’
It’s been an emotional roller coaster and each time he’s said something like above I prepare myself and I get my head straight for him to change his mind.
I’ve supported him with everything telling him I would help and do whatever he needs to feel better. Giving him space, taking on all the household chores, when he walks out and tells me he doesn’t know where his head is, I tell him I love him and that I’ll still be here but it is killing me not knowing when he’s going to change his mind again.
Now, he never comes near me, he barely talks to me because of how he is feeling, there is no affection, we haven’t cuddled for days let alone anything else, he turns his back on me in bed, and spends most of the time on his phone or telling all his friends about how he is feeling and what he’s thinking and I am the last to know. I keep asking if there is anything I can do to help and he says no. I came out and asked him if he needed time and space or wanted a break and he said ‘I don’t know what I want, I know I love you but that’s all I know’.
I love him but I cannot keep waiting around, when someone doesn’t know if they want me or our relationship. It is consuming me and I have lost weight and my work is suffering. Should i wait around and continue supporting or should I say we need a break until he sorts his head out? Please help me
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Relationships
Should I walk away?
Anonymousdog · 08/06/2020 21:10
It sounds very hard work, but by being his therapist you are enabling him to treat you poorly.
You partner obviously needs support, but you run the risk of supporting him only for him to recover and leave anyway.
Where are you in this? Dont you matter? Please put the attention on yourself and discuss with him that his behaviour is erratic and hurtful.
If you give him space he may well come to realise he risks losing you all together, or he happier out of the relationship. Either way he has shown you his feelings.
Please put all the attention you have been putting on him back to yourself. He may need more support than you can actually give 
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