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Online Dating Articulate Men(24 Posts)
So after my recent thread about an articulate online love bomber I'm interested in other peoples experiences. I find most guys are dreadful at online dating conversation. Its not just the spelling its just a general lack of interest, one line responses, so I end up making all the effort and dont follow these through. However, could I be overlooking decent guys who are just terrible at texting? Could they be much better in real life? Has anyone found a gem amongst the useless texters?
Nope! Set the bar high and keep it there!
Apparently elite singles is meant to have people who are better at texting?
No. All the useless texters/messagers were useless in general. Dullsville. DH sent me well written, perfectly spelled, entertaining messages from the off. Plenty of them but not so many it was creepy.
The problem is hardly any send decent messages! Its all hi how ar u babe? Or they answer with yep or nope! Its so hard to have a proper conversation.
You just have to set your bar high and wait for someone who meets your standards.
There definitely are men out there who can spell and hold a conversation. I met my husband through OLD.
If they’re responding yep or nope then they’re just not that interested.
Dp seemingly has a history of not speaking to people on the phone/txt etc but when we met (tinder) he was the exact opposite.
If they’re excited enough about you they will put the effort in
Most of the best men are taken by the time they hit 35. If you find a good one online then you have done well. There will obviously be exceptions and I’m sure load of people have had success but the pool of good fish is much smaller as time goes on that it is in your 20’s.
Texting is an incredibly poor way of communicating.
I think Bobbin is bang-on calling them Dullsville.
Why would you want to be with someone who can't or can't be bothered to string an interesting sentence together.
A lot of guys in their 40s are terrible, I agree that if they are brief they are probably not interested but the vast majority really do communicate like that. Please tell me I'm not the only one finding this! Perhaps its just me?
A bit of a mixed bag really, I find there is some certain types of men, the more laddish ones are bad at communicating, some men that have been good at communicating but have still ended up as horrible in real life.
I don't put in any more effort than they are willing to give to me, if you get as far as a phone call then their voice and conversation skills can give you some indication of whether they are dating material.
I haven't found a gem yet but I'm taking a break and can only OLD in short bursts it's too frustrating.
I have been but you wouldn't believe my story ..
We met after swiping on each other. Neither had a photo or a bio, names made up and ages changed ... following bad experiences in both sides .
We started to chat after a few minutes, told the truth about names and ages and later exchanged photos.
We chatted on the phone every night for weeks, got on brilliantly , completely clicked. We both had decided not to put up outing profiles on the app as we both work in the public domain and in his case , was often written about in the media. For good reasons. We both disengaged from the app.
We planned to meet , had lots of plans after covid and were honest about our remote feelings for one another . We video callled daily etc. It was lovely and exciting.
Then his father dropped dead, unexpectedly and shockingly.A young man, healthy and happy. He was extremely close to him and now he has essentially gone under the duvet. He has stopped contact although he has apologised for his lack of contact but is in such a bad way that he cannot and will not communicate with me or anyone else.
So that is where I am at .
He is heartbroken.I cannot help him
And he doesn't want my help. I expect that it is all over before it has begun.
He is articulate, intelligent, funny and a lovely lovely person. But it's over . They are there.
I found most of the guys I matched with were pretty good with words - but I used OKC and only swiped with guys who had interesting profile summaries. Words are important to me and I found it a useful filter...
BBQ Im so sorry this happened, I hope things work out for you.
I agree the men on OK Cupid are way more articulate but there are very few local to me on there, sadly.
Thanks @Mermaidwaves . I'm gutted for him and for me.
The married guys in their 40s are dire too.
The only difference is the work of charity their wives perform in keeping them out of the general dating population. 😂
I think it probably depends on what dating sites and what criteria you use and also probably the age range. I was looking for guys age 50+ and that may make a difference as I felt widowers were more likely to communicate than divorcees.
I used Tinder and Zoosk. I think Zoosk was marginally better in terms of fewer wierdos.
There were the ones who just wanted to arrange to meet with no chat and were just as dull in real life.
There are those who just want a phone number to WhatsApp and then invariably seem to want to see if you will let them use you as a free sex chat line.
There a few middle of the road able to send interesting messages that are worth responding to. They tend to be either widowed or long term divorced and also have taken more time over both writing their profile and reading yours.
Then you get the other extreme who want to email you - amazing emails from the start but are just creepy. They want your email address not your phone number to WhatsApp, have always been a bit interesting about their current location and declare undying love in multi page emails from day one.
Oh god the keen whatsapp users! You connect reasonably well and think OK and then yes, they want to use you as a free sex chat, this happens nearly every single time. I refuse to go to whatsapp now and stay on site, the sexters very quickly lose interest that way.
I think most decent men I met (and I'm late 40s) were not keen on a massive amount of conversation because they had done online dating for so long and didn't want to properly connect unless they knew there was something that was going to come of it (i.e. they weren't going to be love bombed themselves). The only ones I ever found wanted to have a proper conversation were either on Bumble or Hinge (and I was only on there as it started and it was all people I recognised). I used to try and meet people quickly as I think this is a better way of determining whether you're going to get on.
I once had a wonderful conversation with a man on Tinder who completely disappeared 2 days later - married I assume. One bloke I met on bumble, we would spend hours chatting to each other every day but when we met it was disastrous! He was horrible and difficult and afterwards we both agreed it had been a waste of our time chatting so much - which is why I then pushed to meet people v quickly!
I don't think conversation is everything. Though my now dp I met on bumble and we hit it off straight away, it was very much more of a slow burn - it took us a year before we finally agreed this was it!
When I was single I used to find that if my profile was wordy it attracted wordy men. Whereas the dullards thought I was too boring for them. I had a poem on my profile and several men wrote me poems in return.
All of the wordy men I've met up with have not worked out so far. Is it possible that some guys are just not good at expressing themselves this way and I'm missing out on someone decent? I will say that the ones who send long, expressive messages frequently have so far turned out to be the worst for love bombing and narcissistic traits.
The problem with most people on OLD is immediately they start talking to a complete stranger their mind is racing ahead to the point of being in a full-on relationship and this tends to make the conversation awkward. I’ve had a lovely platonic friendship with a lovely lady for almost a year now. We were both brutally abandoned by our partners so we both agreed fairly early on not to force anything or expect anything but just support each other and enjoy meeting. We’re both quite tactile which is nice and good for confidence. I have my son here but she’s on her own so we do talk almost every night and have met in a socially distanced way a couple of times. Our lives are so much in flux it would be a risk to embark on a relationship and risk being hurt. So I would say just meet and chat and date openly and naturally and let a friendship and more develop at its own pace.
Sorry I didn’t make it clear from August to early March we’ve been seeing each other at least once a week, but this has been a bit curtailed by lockdown but we still chat by phone every night.
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