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Please, help me leave him. For good.

(27 Posts)
Skefalent Mon 08-Jun-20 19:40:55

He moved back in again. It's been nothing but shouting.

My dog weed under the table and he told me but I've been out all day. I just made dinner. I was tired. I just ignored it tbh.

30 mins later he gets up shouting that it's my fucking dog. My fucking responsibility. I just wait for him to do it (I take his dog out every morning at 6am whilst he snores!)

A while later I was in the kitchen. He's all 'what's wrong?'
I said I'm sick of being shouted at. Who else in your life would you speak to like that? Your mum. Xyz? Friend?

No. None of them

But you speak to me like that. I don't deserve to be shouted at.

He srarts shouting again. I say you're doing it now.

I then said you're just like your dad. I shouldn't have said it. He hates his dad. But he is. When he was around all he did was shout and make everyone uncomfortable

Well that was it.

I'm a moron. A fucking lazt cunt.

All the usual

I can't do it anymore.

I hated being on my own. I hated it.

I didn't cope well

But I can't live like this

My kids hear it all.

Constantly.

Yes they're his kids.

I don't want my sons thinking you speak to women that way.
I don't want my daughter to think being spoken to like that is normal.

I can't tell him to go now

He will kick off. I need time to preparehe has somewhere to go.

He still has his rental from last time he leeft

Please don't judge me for trying again with him. I was so lonely but this is not right

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Skefalent Mon 08-Jun-20 19:41:21

He called me useless.

He makes me feel useless. Worthless.

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Bluewater1 Mon 08-Jun-20 19:44:14

You deserve better OP, so so much better. Tell him he makes you feel worthless with his name calling and shouting and that you are not going to put up with it anymore. It's over
You can do this flowers

Eckhart Mon 08-Jun-20 19:47:08

Breathe. Don't believe anything he tells you about yourself. People who have valuable things to say don't say them in the way he talks to you. His words are worthless.

You are neither useless nor worthless, and you will get out of this. It's just a matter of giving yourself time to plan, getting things in place, and doing it in as non-disruptive a way as possible.

Have you any local support? Family? Friends? Have you been in touch with Women's Aid? You can get help. It's out there for you.

Eckhart Mon 08-Jun-20 19:49:07

I wouldn't recommend telling him it's over or standing up to him, at this point. He doesn't need to know you're planning to leave. If you think he'll kick off, avoid this.

Skefalent Mon 08-Jun-20 19:52:23

He goes psycho.

He's never hit me but the hatred in his eyes when he looks at me is soul destroying.

I just want someone to love me and look after me.

I cry everyday watching videos of romance and love. I've never had it

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Skefalent Mon 08-Jun-20 19:52:51

I'm not leaving. This is my home.

He is leaving. And he's going to be mad

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backseatcookers Mon 08-Jun-20 19:59:16

Have the police ever been involved before OP?

It sounds like you'll need some support with this so I think you need to start getting a plan together.

People on here will be able to help you with resources - I think you need to be open to potentially needing some support from the police even if just as a back up plan thanks

Eckhart Mon 08-Jun-20 19:59:35

I mean leave the relationship, OP.

You don't have to think about love and romance right now. You need to firstly get away from him (or get him away from you), and then work out how to be just you, without a relationship.

Just you and the kids, calm, and without him.

HatRack Mon 08-Jun-20 19:59:36

Who's dog is it?

Tbh leaving dog wee for hours when you have kids in the house is pretty manky

Eckhart Mon 08-Jun-20 20:01:11

@HatRack The most spectacular missing of the point I've seen on MN.

Skefalent Mon 08-Jun-20 20:02:16

Hours? It was 30 mins. And it was under a table. My youngest is 10. Hardly going to climb under a coffee table

It's besides the fucking point.

It's not a valid reason to speak to someone like that!!

And it's 10 different things every fucking day. 10 different excuses to tell me I'm shit. Or crazy. Or olusless.

He's made me this way. No fucking confidence. No fucking drive. No self respect

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Skefalent Mon 08-Jun-20 20:03:20

Just fuck off if you're going to tell me this is my fault

Because it fucking ISNT

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Crystalspider Mon 08-Jun-20 20:04:27

Do it now Skefalent no time like the present, then you can put your feet up.

HatRack Mon 08-Jun-20 20:05:58

How long has he been speaking to you like that?

Jinx2020 Mon 08-Jun-20 20:08:34

Stay calm. Loneliness is crippling ( I know) but it beats an abusive relationship. Being screamed at. You are strong. You are brave. You can get get him to leave again. How did he go last time? Start planning but stay calm - the end of him abusing you in your own home is close

Icepinkeskimo Mon 08-Jun-20 20:08:39

Calm down OP, it sounds like your terrified of him.

You can't go around trading on eggshells with this man can you? I know you said you were lonely before but rather be lonely than made to feel like something in the gutter.

Don't do anything hasty tonight your running on emotions.

You need to prepare for the speech, but you also need to prepare for your life after he's gone. If you don't your be back to square one.

There will be a lot of advice given to you on here. Take the advice and remember your not the first woman to go through this, it just feels like it.

The posters on here will give you strength and support, you can see this through and hopefully move onto a more peaceful happy.

You deserve to be smiling not sad, just remember that. thanks

Eckhart Mon 08-Jun-20 20:10:47

You sound like you've got self respect, live and kicking, OP. You know it's not your fault, and you're all kinds of angry about it. It's good. That's the drive that'll get you out of this situation.

Your self esteem and boundaries are still in there inside you, clamouring to come out. He hasn't destroyed you.

yesterdaystotalsteps123 Mon 08-Jun-20 20:11:17

You want him out of the house and he has a rental that is good. You have got him out before you can do it again. Ask a friend to be with you when you tell him he needs to leave. There are laws to protect you from harassment and abuse if you need them. Once he is out you can post again for support being a single mum. Just take it one step at a time

TwilightPeace Mon 08-Jun-20 20:13:20

Could you just completely emotionally detach while you plan what you are going to do? Don’t react to what he says, try not to speak to him at all. Carry on about your day as if he isn’t there.

You and your children deserve a peaceful, calm home and you will get it. You just need to get through this difficult bit first.

CodenameVillanelle Mon 08-Jun-20 20:16:32

He still has his rental? So why do you need to wait to kick him out?

Boomclaps Mon 08-Jun-20 20:20:53

You can do this xx

Hidingtonothing Mon 08-Jun-20 20:23:14

I agree with Eckhart OP, your self respect is alive and kicking and screaming at you to get away from him. He hasn't broken you and you are more than capable of being without him, you just don't know it yet.

But you do need a plan to get him out safely. Do you have any initial thoughts about how to make it happen? What made him go last time? There's a wealth of knowledge and experience on here to help you figure it out so don't feel like you have to do this alone flowers

HatRack Mon 08-Jun-20 20:28:30

Ask police to remove him?

Skefalent Mon 08-Jun-20 20:34:05

I need to wait because my kids are in the house and it won't be pretty. And it's 8.30 at night. He has no way to get there which will give him another reason to flip.

If I tell him when he's already there it will be better

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