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Grandpa's gift to me tearing the family apart WWYD?

(151 Posts)
Bells3032 Mon 08-Jun-20 14:09:26

As a bit of background my mother passed away in 2014, when she was diagnosed as terminal i gave up my house hunt to stay at home and help my dad with mum's care. When in 2015/2016 came and i started looking at property prices i had been priced out of the market. I planned to use the help to buy scheme but my student loans (I had a significant amount due to being the first year of increased top up fees - i am the youngest grandchild so the only one who had as much) were counting against me and putting me literally just over the threshold for their "Affordabilty calculator". When i was told this my grandfather (my mother's father) was over for lunch and asked me how much i had in student loans left. I told him £15k and he wrote me cheque for £15k and told me to do with it what i wanted and later that year i finally bought my flat. A few weeks after that my grandfather updated his will to leave things to my sis and i rather than my late mum.

It's now 5 years on and life has changed significantly. I married an amazing man last year and financially i am far better off than i was 5 year ago. Unfortunately my beloved grandfather passed away a few months ago. Probate has finally been completed and the inheritance will be shared between my aunt, my uncle and then a third share (my mother's) split between my sister and I. We are planning to invest the money into some property to provide my dad with some income for his retirement. All in all the estate less tax is worth about £4-5million so each share is worth just over a million each.

However, in Feb my aunt mentioned to my uncle that i should put the money for the flat back in the inheritance pot. he told her to drop it by the time tax is paid in it it's £3k each and not worth it in the grand scheme of the inheritance.

This morning, however, with probate done my aunt messaged me asking me to confirm how much money and when grandpa gave it to me. This is not for probate purposes as my BIL is doing the probate. It's now caused a massive ruckus - my dad and sis who were already on the edge of the tether with her want to cut her off and told me not to pay the money back as it was a gift to help me when times were tough but are furious at her for even mentioning it - she hasn't been a great sister, daughter and aunt over the years and tbh anyway. Her kids have also received monetary gifts from grandpa over the years though not as much as i have but she's obv not putting that back in the pot. They said it's not about the money but that she'd be willing to take £15k from her late sister's daughter who is looking to start a family soon to line her own pocket with £3k when shes already getting over a million is already pretty well off anyway.

She hasn't actually asked me for the money back yet but i can't think any other reason she'd ask me.



OP’s posts: |
BluebellForest836 Mon 08-Jun-20 14:12:42

Ignore her.

jay55 Mon 08-Jun-20 14:16:11

Unless you get anything formal from the estate then ignore her. Block her too as she's causing you stress and you don't like her.

TokyoSushi Mon 08-Jun-20 14:17:07

As far as I can gather you're getting £500K? If that's the case, I'd transfer her the £3K, go completely no contact with her and never have anything to do with her ever again.

FortunesFave Mon 08-Jun-20 14:17:23

Agree...completely ignore her. Don't be drawn into a conversation about it. She sounds pathetic and money grubbing.

If she messages you about it, don't respond. When you see her, don't answer anything about it. Just breezily say "Oh must pop to the loo!" or something and walk away.

Stay polite. She'll give up./

SirVixofVixHall Mon 08-Jun-20 14:18:03

She sounds horribly greedy. She is getting a MILLION POUND INHERITANCE and is squabbling about three thousand pounds ? Not up to her what her Dad chose to do with his own money years ago.

Iloveacurry Mon 08-Jun-20 14:18:04

So each share is £1 million, if I read this correctly, she’s complaining about £15k?!

Ignore her.

Aquamarine1029 Mon 08-Jun-20 14:19:15

Absolutely ignore her. Whatever your grandfather did with his money while he was alive is none of her business. Do not engage with her about this. Your silence will be her answer.

Windyatthebeach Mon 08-Jun-20 14:20:05

Ignore the nasty woman!! What a grave robber! She isn't respectful of your dgf's choices when he was alive!! She can stfu and be ignored now he is no longer here to tell her himself!!

LuluJakey1 Mon 08-Jun-20 14:20:31

It's none of her business.

VettiyaIruken Mon 08-Jun-20 14:20:37

Ignore her.
He gave you a very generous gift when he was alive.
That has bugger all to do with inheritance.
Had he wanted it to go back into the pot he would have said so and/or put it in his will.

TheMandalorian Mon 08-Jun-20 14:22:25

Yep. Ignore her for now. I would not disclose the amount. However she may just be checking the gift along with others does not fall within the inheritance tax bracket.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 08-Jun-20 14:23:09

Ignore her and block. She is really showing you what she is like now.

What your late grandfather did with his money whilst he was alive was solely his concern and business.

SummerDayWinterEvenings Mon 08-Jun-20 14:25:41

Ignore her any gift you have received is none of her business.

Bells3032 Mon 08-Jun-20 14:26:06


No she isn't. My BIL is the probate lawyer for it and all this has already been taken into account and the probate forms have been signed off and sent to the probate office.

OP’s posts: |
avocadoze Mon 08-Jun-20 14:26:12

Neutral viewpoint here: when I read this I thought that your aunt was pointing out that the £15k may have fallen into the inheritance tax bracket. Some people are very keen on rules being adhered to and can’t see the woods for the trees as a result. She may be coming at things from this perspective.

Elephantonascooter Mon 08-Jun-20 14:28:47

I thought anything gifted within 7 years of the death was included in inheritance tax calculations? I may be wrong but this might be why she's checking.
My aunt was like this when my grandmother died. And when another family member died. She once asked for the cost of stamps for the death paperwork she had to send to be deducted from the estate.. 6 quid! Unfortunately, death and money bring out the worst in some and the best in others. If its not for tax purposes then ignore her

ThisShitCrazy Mon 08-Jun-20 14:30:36

I'd tell her £15 😂

Bells3032 Mon 08-Jun-20 14:31:05

@Avocadoze and @elephantonascooter

See above. not for probate purposes. Probate has been completed and it has already been taken into account.

OP’s posts: |
category12 Mon 08-Jun-20 14:32:13

Given the size of the inheritance, assuming you're a beneficiary, I think you could just do the bigger thing and put the money back in the pot. Not really worth a family fallout.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 08-Jun-20 14:36:51

Do not reward such bad behaviour from your aunt by acknowledging her message let alone giving her any money.

OP you do not have to be any sort of "bigger person" here particularly given that she has not been much of an aunt or relative to you people over the years.

Elephantonascooter Mon 08-Jun-20 14:38:35

Sorry op, cross post. Just ignore her then, it's none of her business

Halo1234 Mon 08-Jun-20 14:41:39

The 15k has nothing at all to do with your aunt. It was gifted to you by your grandpa and is completely separate from the inheritance. Ignore her she sounds a nightmare. Tell her its was between u and your granddad and you dont see why she needs to know.

GameSetMatch Mon 08-Jun-20 14:43:34

Ignore her, it’s what your grandpa chose to do, it’s what he wanted! It’s not up to anybody to demand money, just leave it and make sure you get your fair share.

Floralnomad Mon 08-Jun-20 14:44:52

Just ignore her it doesn’t sound like she will be a great loss to your life if she decides to cut you off . Have her children been left anything or are they reliant on her sharing her share ?

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