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Is it just my anxiety or is it my instincts?

(50 Posts)
Tillylils Mon 08-Jun-20 07:52:23

For a bit of background, I've been single for a few years. Been on a few dates but nothing has worked out.
I met a lovely guy online. He's good looking and we get on really well. We've met a couple of times, socially distancing of course, and it went really well.
He seems to be quite keen, has talked about the future, us maybe going away, things that might happen and how he'd be if we were in a relationship. I've been very flattered as I haven't had this level of interest for a long time. He's very attentive, messaging me throughout the day which is lovely.
However since we've met my anxiety has been through the roof. It tends to get like that with any change in my life. I feel constantly worried and sick. I keep thinking this is too good to be true.
He is a very involved father which is one of the things I like about him. His youngest is still a baby so he has daily contact with the child's mother. They are friends and sometimes go out as a family which is great and it shows what a good man he is. It's ridiculous and I'm ashamed to admit it but I'm not sure if I could deal with that in the future.
There are a couple of strange things he's said too. He's mentioned his 12 year olds penis a few times, telling me how big it is. He's also spoken about a random young girl he saw who he believed thought she was gorgeous and he hates girls like that.
He has also been very kind, he's cooked for me and he made me a planter for my garden. He keeps telling me I'm amazing which is obviously lovely to hear.
I have a history of self sabotaging good things and I don't know if I should ride it out and see what happens and out my feelings down to my stupid anxiety or if this is my gut telling me something.
Also he has just had some bad news about a family member and is having big issues with one of his children. He had a really bad week last week. I've been listening to him talk and he said I was the only positive in his life in the past week so I feel like I should hang on for a bit really.
I keep thinking it shouldn't feel like this in the early stages, and sometimes it does feel exciting and I feel happy. I just wish my anxiety would stop.
Any advice and thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

OP’s posts: |
ByeByeMissAmericanPie Mon 08-Jun-20 07:55:26

Hmm. It’s not great, is it? For you to post on MN, I think you know the answer. At the very least, disengage.
Your instincts are likely to be correct.

Sameold2020 Mon 08-Jun-20 07:58:34

No op, so many things wrong with what you've listed. It's very flattering, but you know better than this.

category12 Mon 08-Jun-20 08:11:33

What? Just what?

He talks to you about the size of his son's penis?

I really hope you're a troll.

Tillylils Mon 08-Jun-20 08:17:19

category12

What? Just what?

He talks to you about the size of his son's penis?

I really hope you're a troll.

He's mentioned it twice, I think the second time he'd forgotten he'd already told me. He was bragging about how it's bigger than his already. It is weird isn't it?

OP’s posts: |
Takingontheworld Mon 08-Jun-20 08:18:02

Er.. i started reading thinking "this bloke sounds nice and normal, poor OP for struggling with anxiety"

Then I read: *He's mentioned his 12 year olds penis a few times, telling me how big it is. He's also spoken about a random young girl he saw who he believed thought she was gorgeous and he hates girls like that.*

And went cold.

That is instinct. Not anxiety.

That is fucking weird. I'd bet my bottom dollar that the minute you're in deep enough to have trouble extracting yourself from the relationship those compliments will be backhanded, he'll subtly criticise you to keep you in place.

Fuck knows what his deal is with talking about his 12 yo penis. As worst he's a peado and at best he's a misogynist dickhead who quite literally thinks the size of his penis- not even his own- is note worthy to the world.

Creepy as fuck. Get away OP.

MadamShazam Mon 08-Jun-20 08:19:37

There are a number of red flags here OP, listen to your instincts, and see what happens when you start to disengage.

curtainsforme Mon 08-Jun-20 08:20:29

Weird. Weird. Weird.

He is testing the waters with you here. It's not a normal kind of thing to talk about, especially at the 'trying to impress' stage. It's creepy and weird and he is looking to see if he can get away with such weird creepiness with you. Get in deeper and this gets worse. End it. ASAP.

Takingontheworld Mon 08-Jun-20 08:20:34

Another penis thread has just popped up.

How interesting.

Treacletoots Mon 08-Jun-20 08:21:07

Very very wierd.

Also commenting on the young girl has undertones of something unpleasant.

Something's not right here. You know it. Don't waste any more time on this one, throw it back in the sea.

Songsofexperience Mon 08-Jun-20 08:24:03

He's mentioned his 12 year olds penis a few times, telling me how big it is. He's also spoken about a random young girl he saw who he believed thought she was gorgeous and he hates girls like that.

He has a problem with teenagers. Whatever it is, it doesn't sound very healthy.

MashedPotatoBrainz Mon 08-Jun-20 08:30:17

It's not your anxiety, it's your instincts. He sounds very creepy.

Allinadaystwerk Mon 08-Jun-20 08:36:06

🚩tells you you are amazing and the best thing in his life too soon
🚩spending every day with ex
🚩trllongvyou his 12yo has s big penis ewww
🚩ssying he hates a young girl who thinks she is gorgeous
🚩you ate feeling anxious about the relationship. I'd say this is not anxiety it is your good instincts.
It would be interesting to see how he responds to you saying you want to cool things down or break up.

Tillylils Mon 08-Jun-20 08:39:32

I'm so glad I asked on here, thank you for your replies.
I've been conflicted because he's on good terms with one of his exes so I thought that was a good sign. Although he's already referred to the mother of his other children as a twat.
With regards to the teenager thing, he's also mentioned about girls fancying his son. He's even said to wait until my daughter, who so 14, meets his son, she'll love him. I thought he was just being a proud, boastful dad, but it's not is it?

OP’s posts: |
Bluntness100 Mon 08-Jun-20 08:39:45

Yeah that’s not right not right at all, in fact it’s disturbing. A twelve year old girl who thought she was gorgeous? I’d read that to say he thought she was gorgeous. How else would the thought occur to him? And mentioning his child’s penis? Who the fuck does that?

He’s not right. Run and don’t look back whilst you’re doing it.

Bluntness100 Mon 08-Jun-20 08:41:59

I thought he was just being a proud, boastful dad, but it's not is it?

No it’s not right, he’s sexualising young teens. It’s not right at all.

SavageBeauty73 Mon 08-Jun-20 08:43:50

Totally weird!!!!!!! Block

Tillylils Mon 08-Jun-20 08:45:20

Bluntness100

Yeah that’s not right not right at all, in fact it’s disturbing. A twelve year old girl who thought she was gorgeous? I’d read that to say he thought she was gorgeous. How else would the thought occur to him? And mentioning his child’s penis? Who the fuck does that?

He’s not right. Run and don’t look back whilst you’re doing it.

He said the girl was about 16, still wrong though.

OP’s posts: |
Bluntness100 Mon 08-Jun-20 08:50:36

And you’ve a fourteen year old daughter?

Get out of this now op, seriously.

UrbanDoughnut Mon 08-Jun-20 08:52:08

Ugh. Are you writing your first novel?

Dunno why other posters are indulging you

Tillylils Mon 08-Jun-20 08:52:59

I've just sent him a text telling him I don't want to see him. Now my anxiety is really bad but it's the right thing.

OP’s posts: |
Tillylils Mon 08-Jun-20 09:00:53

UrbanDoughnut

Ugh. Are you writing your first novel?

Dunno why other posters are indulging you

Thanks for that.

OP’s posts: |
MissMaple82 Mon 08-Jun-20 09:04:39

Why would you want to go out with a man who has a small baby!! Nope! Not cool, especially when they are still going out as a family!!!! His ex will be totally unaware of you, trust me, hes stringing both of you along because hes a piece of crap! Find a man of your own

MissMaple82 Mon 08-Jun-20 09:05:53

I'd of ring before but the penis bit is the icing on the cake! Why are you even debating this!!!

Pugsrus Mon 08-Jun-20 09:15:32

Don’t let him near your daughter.

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