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Partner attending BLM protests with friends am I being over the top

(32 Posts)
Auty123 Sun 07-Jun-20 10:03:08

I'm not usually massive on rules but I've drawn the line with my partner (who is black) attending BLM protests today. We are still in the middle of a Coronavirus pandemic and he wants to stand with thousands of people outside the embassy chanting and has also arranged to meet with his friends. I wouldn't give a crap if it was any other time in fact I would go myself. My daughter is starting school tommorow as I'm going back to work (I been told that I have to) and last thing I need is her getting ill (she gets respiratory issues fairly easily and always has done since she was born premature) so I would have to keep her off school even longer. I am all for the movement but he's accused me of not caring ect. It's not that I just don't want him in the middle of thousands of people shouting spitting ect then coming back home so I told him to hand me my keys and to pack a bag with him and he will have to find somewhere to isolate for 14 days
Am I being over the top??

OP’s posts: |
pog100 Sun 07-Jun-20 10:13:06

No you aren't.

BitOfFun Sun 07-Jun-20 10:16:40

If he wears a mask, YABU.

NoMoreDickheads Sun 07-Jun-20 10:17:18

You're not being over the top at all- these protests are going to lead in raised number of Corona cases and more deaths. It's socially irresponsible to go.

Yes, one man said he couldn't breathe.

These demos etc are going to mean many more people can't breathe either.
Also, BAME people are more likely to get Corona, so your daughter is at more risk than the other children even if she didn't have respiratory issues. And personally I also care about society as a whole.

NoMoreDickheads Sun 07-Jun-20 10:18:25

@BitOfFun Masks aren't so effective that they make everything ok and mean we don't have to do anything else.

Hopoindown31 Sun 07-Jun-20 10:18:55

If he wears a mask, YABU.

Most non-rated (i.e. non-PPE) masks don't offer that much protection to the wearer. They are to protect others from you. So as long as everyone wears a mask then it will be okay.

june2007 Sun 07-Jun-20 10:19:51

Even with a mask YANBU. Did he really touch no one. How long was the mask on for. Did he really not removeit and replace it, or not keep touching it. Did he really stand 2mt (or even 1 mtr) from every one else.

Radders23 Sun 07-Jun-20 10:22:59

It doesnt really sound like you care. This is obviously very important to him, it's not like he's one of the masses going to a crowded beach. He is protesting for fundamental rights. Did you ask him about social distancing? A lot of the protests have social distancing and masks which is a lot more than what you'd even find in some supermarkets. When will be the right time for him to go protest?

needhandhold Sun 07-Jun-20 10:24:47

I’m not sure I’m on your side here. He’s an adult and can make his own mind up?! However, you are a parent so the rule is he goes but then self isolates in a different property for 14 days afterwards. If he does that then it’s no problem surely. He can’t expect to mingle with thousands and then bring the virus back potentially so you have the conversation. “Great I fully support your right to protest and attend. You then fully support my right to keep my property and child infection free? Right? Fairs fair? Yes? So you go but then go to another residence for 14 days. The doors will be locked if you try to gain entry after the protest and police will be called if you try to gain entry”
No need for an argument. It’s really simple. He gets to do what he wants as do you. End of.

CodenameVillanelle Sun 07-Jun-20 10:26:26

I think I'd be willing to take the risk for the sake of him showing up to protest. Has he got somewhere he can go for 2 weeks? Is he ok with staying there?

Moondust001 Sun 07-Jun-20 10:29:06


If he wears a mask, YABU.

Even surgical masks, which he shouldn't be wearing anyway, do not prevent you getting or carrying the virus. If you wore full PPE you can still pick up and transmit the virus to others! That is why many NHS staff, despite all the precautions they take, are isolating from families. Was there some part of did not gather in crowds, and do socially distance from people not in your own household, that wasn't clear?

SirVixofVixHall Sun 07-Jun-20 10:39:41

I agree OP.
That poor man was murdered, and I want to see justice for him, but I don’t want any more people to die.

ChaoticMinds Sun 07-Jun-20 10:40:30

What he's doing is really important. Support him.
If he can isolate somewhere else, great. If not can't he just do as nhs workers do and strip down and wash as soon as he comes in?

Windmillwhirl Sun 07-Jun-20 10:56:07

I agree this is clearly very important to him and he has probably wanted to protest for a very long time. For many the time is now and the issue they are supporting is far bigger than coronavirus to them.

I suppose it depends on how you left it, which sounds like you were unsupportive. Surely you could have told him to self isolate as well as say you support him. It sounds though that you just got angry

wishfuldreamer Sun 07-Jun-20 10:57:17

I think the BLM organisers are advising people to isolate for 14 days after attending a protest, so I think it's fair enough if you ask him to do that, though it's obviously difficult if you live together (which it sounds like you do)?

I suppose it depends which protest he attended - I know people who went to smaller ones in Sheffield and Leeds and were able to stand towards the back and keep social distance. It looked like it was harder to do that in London and Manchester.

ukgift2016 Sun 07-Jun-20 10:58:19

Social distancing is over.

category12 Sun 07-Jun-20 11:03:18

I don't think you have the right to make that decision for him.

He needs to weigh up the risks for himself and if this is something he needs to do, then you should try to be supportive. You could consider together him isolating afterwards, but not in a punishing him for his choices way.

june2007 Sun 07-Jun-20 11:06:56

UKGift2016 technically it,s not. Schools aren,t fully back and the children that are in are socially distancing. Not all shops/bars are open. churches aren,t open and the protests broke the rules. But the police knew better then to stop it.

BeforeIPutOnMyMakeup Sun 07-Jun-20 11:12:35

I'm not on your side at all especially as you have a child with him.

You just sound angry and don't have any understanding of the racism he, his family and your joint child have and will face if nothing changes.

You also don't seem to realise if your joint child child has other disabilities then being mixed ethnicity is even worse for her.

Incidentally my partner, who is white, ended up amongst the demonstrators on his way home from work on the first day of the protests. So he joined in as he also has a mixed ethnicity child and has faced discrimination already. As he is caring for vulnerable including extremely vulnerable people he ensured he left a lot of distance as it was safer doing this then pushing/cycling through them.

sonjadog Sun 07-Jun-20 11:16:26

I think in this case, it is a situation where he needs to make the decision about whether or not to go himself. But I would talk to him about ways to minimize the risk if he decides to go.

Prayingforchange Sun 07-Jun-20 13:56:07

YABU. This is obviously very important to him and could potentially be for your child in the future.

If your child is going back to school who's to say that none of their parents have been out to the beach or to one of the many protests?

Auty123 Sun 07-Jun-20 22:21:33

@BeforeIPutOnMyMakeup im not white not sure why you assumed that. My daughter has respiratory issues. Her health comes before a protest March and I'm well aware of racism thank you. My partner is black but does not know who Nelson Mandela is and it was I who have educated our child about black history because unfortunately he doesn't know much about it (he has now promised to learn) as I said I would happily have gone with him and am well aware of the issues she will face in future because she is of mixed race I suffer from racism myself, however her health right now is way more important than what may happen in future because if she gets ill she might not have a future
As for others mentioning social distancing the protest was held outside the US embassy which is near to where I live and is situated on a busy road with the river thames on one side and narrow pavement on the other. There is no scope for distancing. He also met with several friends who had ignored the lockdown from day one and three of them refuse to wear masks. He has not got anywhere to isolate after either. I'm not angry but I spent 2 months in hospital last year with severe flu and unexplained upper right quadrant pain and my daughter spent 2 months in hospital in ICU with respiratory issues which still carry on 5 years later. My daughter is more important than the protests. When the pandemic is over we can all protest together

OP’s posts: |
BeforeIPutOnMyMakeup Sun 07-Jun-20 23:03:26

OP regardless you are not black. You don't have a lived experience as a black person like your partner has.

Also he doesn't need your permission to protest because if scientists are correct Covid-19 like racism towards black people will take a long time to go away if it ever does.

I guess you will be on the lone parents board in a few months/years complaining your partner has left you with your daughter. If you try and control a partner using health anxiety that what frequently happens.

callmeadoctor Sun 07-Jun-20 23:06:47

Your daughter is more important than a protest.....................

JugsAndSoap Sun 07-Jun-20 23:13:28

BeforeIPutOnMyMakeUp are you actually reading the OP's posts???

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