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Am I wasting my time?

(14 Posts)
Bubblebubble90 Sat 06-Jun-20 22:36:16

Hi ladies don’t want to bore you all. I’ve been with my partner for 7 years now and have been trying for a baby for 3 years with one unfortunately MC last year. I’m getting to the point where I want to give up trying now it’s become such a heartache and more of a job then enjoyable now. We have both been tested and I have one daughter from a previous relationship when I was younger and his always come back as okay. I’m now beginning to wonder if we are meant to be our relationship is great his fantastic and does lots for me as do I for him. I want him to be happy and me too but lately am starting to fill like maybe we are not meant to be together. I’ve never really been single for long and wonder if maybe I need to find my self and am panicking I’m wasting my best years I’m 30 this year and what if we don’t convince again. His not proposed and I book the trips his good in general but doesn’t make much effort in starting to think life’s so short is it maybe the end of the road? As sad as it would be I don’t want to stay and look back regretting it. I see people spend years in relationships and then get with someone and it all happens my sisters not been with her partner long and they was pregnant within a year and soon to be married after 4 years I’m just starting to fill aso I want more am I being selfish? Thank you in advance x

OP’s posts: |
LilyMarshall Sat 06-Jun-20 22:49:44

doesn’t make much effort

He doesnt make much effort. That’s before youre married with children! Doesn't sound great. If you looked closely he probably isnt good in general either.

Id walk away. Stop wasting time on him.

LilyMarshall Sat 06-Jun-20 22:50:51

Also, is marriage important to you? As you said he hasnt proposed, so it must be on your mind. If marriage is important to you, why ttc before that?

RantyAnty Sat 06-Jun-20 22:59:28

It sounds like this relationship has run it's course.

Dery Sat 06-Jun-20 23:07:20

@Bubblebubble90 - it does sound like your relationship may have run its course. Your instinct that you've never really been single for long and that maybe you need to find yourself sounds very healthy to me. I am sorry to hear about your MC but it does mean it is easier for you to move on from your partner than it would be if you shared a child.

You're only 30 and have a good chance of living another 50-60 years, if not more, so it's not so much that life is very short, but at the same time it isn't a dress rehearsal and you are rightly concerned about the prospect of looking back and regretting not having spent some time as a single woman getting to know yourself and what you want out of life, from relationships, professionally and so on - the kind of exploration which is much easier if you're not trying to accommodate the needs and wants of a partner. And it will be easier to do it now rather than later when you have spent even more years with your partner.

You could call it selfish but there are some things it's appropriate to be selfish about and spending some time getting to know yourself outside a relationship so that you can build the life you want for yourself and your DD - that's absolutely one of those things you should be selfish about.

Good luck with your decision!

Bubblebubble90 Sun 07-Jun-20 01:14:05

@LilyMarshall marriage is important yes. We have been together a while now and the age gap from my daughter is getting on and has bothered me so wanted to try again now in a good relationship but it’s not happened and I’m now started to think maybe it isn’t meant to be. Thank you for you advice

OP’s posts: |
Bubblebubble90 Sun 07-Jun-20 01:18:54

@Dery you are right I hope to still live a while longer and have a happy life I’m now realising if anything I have a lot more free time on my hands with my daughter getting older I work but do fill I know what I want as I’ve got older so it’s a good time to find what I like and maybe date again I’ve never really dated only ever had a couple of relationships but I do love him so much and worry I’ll never find anyone as good as him but I’m getting to the point where I want more and think maybe everything really does happen for a reason it would upset me if we broke up and I found out he was having a baby with someone else but it could happen for me too maybe we both deserve more. It’s a tricky one thank you for your advice.

OP’s posts: |
Rebelwithallthecause Sun 07-Jun-20 01:40:15

I left my ex when I was coming up for 30

We’d been trying for a baby and it just hadnt worked in a few years

I left just before I turned 30 and so glad I did as I met a lovely guy and managed to have babies with him easily . He also didn’t silly day about proposing like my ex

Life’s too short for people who don’t make the effort

JustC Sun 07-Jun-20 09:05:57

Does he know marriage is a deal breaker for you? As for kids, there are other ways if you both really want it.

Bubblebubble90 Sun 07-Jun-20 12:06:21

Did you how long was you together for before breaking up how did you do it and how did he take it please? So happy you got what you wanted I worry I’ll never find anyone else but I’m not bad looking and my personality’s good so I don’t struggle meeting new people just worry It’s late in life to find my life long partner now.
Thank you I’m also starting to fill this way the last couple of months I woken up in the mornings wondering what I’m doing with my life maybe it’s time to start fresh x

OP’s posts: |
Bubblebubble90 Sun 07-Jun-20 12:08:27

Yes I’ve spoken about marriage since we got together and he knows its something he wants his looking for a motorbike which pleases me he will have a Hoobie but the money his spending definitely could buy and engagement ring. Sick of all my friends and family getting pregnant obviously so happy for them but my life’s on stand still and I’m ready for so much more x

OP’s posts: |
JustC Sun 07-Jun-20 12:45:36

Well then...you kind of have your answer. Honestly I don't even think an engagement ring has yo be so expensive. Mine was about £200 from Argos and chose it myself, we were saving money for the actual wedding. Our restaurant, church were booked before even getting the ring. The ring was just a trinket. Had we been ricjer, maybe it woild jave been more expensive, better quality, the point was we were alteady planning the wedding, our future etc.

MashedSpud Sun 07-Jun-20 12:52:46

He doesn’t want to commit, you do.

Seven years is more than long enough with no ring. I’d have walked after four.

LilyMarshall Sun 07-Jun-20 21:37:05

Youre not going to get more from this guy even if he begrudgingly proposed, and even then married you, he would still behave the same. But then youre legally connected and it is harder to leave.

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