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Why do I check my ex’s social media?

(14 Posts)
VodkaCranberry2 Sat 06-Jun-20 21:20:26

I broke up with my ex around two years ago. We got together when I was 17, and we’re together for 6 years. For the most part it was a very unhappy relationship, completely sexless, no intimacy at all, we just kinda stayed with each other out of habit and being scared to be alone (well, on my end). He then cheated on me with someone from work and two weeks later started a new relationship with her. I was devastated... for about three weeks. And that was it. Four months later I started a relationship with someone new. Yes it was very quick but being in an unhappy relationship being in separate rooms most of the time and never sleeping together, it felt like I had been single for years so felt ready. We’ve since been together a year and a half and have a two month old baby (unplanned, but very happy). I am in a super loving relationship, I love my life with him, he is my absolute best friend, our sex life is amazing and it just feels so good to feel like that. Having a baby has been the making of us and I would do anything not to lose what we have. But I still find myself looking on my ex’s social media, even though most of it is private, from time to time. I no longer find him attractive, at at all, and when I look at his face all I feel is resentment that he made me feel the way he did. So why do I still check?

OP’s posts: |
asmallplace Sat 06-Jun-20 21:21:08

I think a lot of us do...

VodkaCranberry2 Sat 06-Jun-20 21:22:20

Must add that I’ve seen some people on the internet say it’s because you still have feelings for them... but I absolutely don’t. Have no desire to get in touch at all, and stopped loving him long before we broke up.

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VodkaCranberry2 Sat 06-Jun-20 21:22:31

Is it normal? @asmallplace

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asmallplace Sat 06-Jun-20 21:24:24

@VodkaCranberry2 I think so. It's just curiosity.

MummyGoingItAlone Sat 06-Jun-20 21:25:50

Absolutely. Everybody does it. I wouldn’t worry about it unless it’s a regular thing

VodkaCranberry2 Sat 06-Jun-20 21:27:02

It wasn’t a regular thing but since having my baby I’ve done it a few times... I am struggling with postpartum mental health issues though so not sure if that’s a factor. @mummygoingitalone

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MummyGoingItAlone Sat 06-Jun-20 21:34:09

More than likely. How do you feel at what you see on there?

VodkaCranberry2 Sat 06-Jun-20 21:46:16

I feel nothing! Except a bit of resentment, and then I go off it and forget about it. @mummygoingitalone

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Dillo10 Sat 06-Jun-20 23:10:44

I always look at my ex fiancee Instagram... Especially because once you search someone they come up as recently searched so the account is listed there. I don't even think twice about it, it's downright nosiness on my part. I'm married by the way! Ex fiance reached out a while back and I didn't respond, so im pretty comfortable knowing I don't still have feelings, I'm just bloody nosey and there are particular people that I love to stalk on social media! Other ex boyfriends, their new girlfriends, girls I went to school with who are now influencers etc. Although I wouldn't tell anyone that grin

Brakebackcyclebot Sat 06-Jun-20 23:15:37

Only you can know why you do it. What do you gain? What is the resentment about? What are you resentful about?

Looking at his social media is like poking a wound or picking a scab - it opens the wound up again. You could block him, delete him instead. You might have cold turkey for a bit but it will be worth it.

LellyMcKelly Sat 06-Jun-20 23:16:07

I do this on Twitter with my ex. I usually just think, ‘what a dick!’ I think it’s just human nature to be nosey.

mindutopia Sun 07-Jun-20 09:45:10

It’s just curiosity. I look up exes on social media. I’ve not been with them for 15-20 years. Been happily with dh for 12 years. I’m just nosey. I wouldn’t give it a second thought.

JustC Sun 07-Jun-20 11:13:15

Bit of morbid curiosity, bit of being bored at home with the baby sometimes, bit of hoping he is doing worse without as he was a cheating asshole? Once in a very long blue moon I will check on an ex or other Fb. Hubs only had one ex, he can't be less bothered, he know I will do this maybe once in a year or two. I would try and do it less in time, your partner might feel worried about it.

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