Really need support. Terrified of what is going to happen to me.

[Amy1906]

Hi everyone,
I do not know where to start. This is the first time I post on Mumsnet, let alone any online forums. I do apologise as this is going to be a long post but I am in desperate need of support/ help right now. My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for almost 5. We have a young son who is my absolute moon and stars. Since he was born our relationship has progressively turned sour. It has now reached such a level of abuse and toxicity that life has become unbearable. For 5 years I have kept everything bottled up. I used to be a happy bubbly outgoing person. Not anymore. My relationship problems have turned me into someone else. They have changed me, mentally but also physically. Years of destructive anger turned into hate, sadness turned into depression has taken a massive toll on my health. Migraines, heart racing and difficulties sleeping at night, chronic fatigue, joint pain, stomach ulcer are among the many health problems I have been suffering from for the last 2 years. I have also put on near 25kgs, as I binge eat fast food in a bid to make me feel better. I can barely look at myself in the mirror, and whenever I do I think I am ugly. I do not have any friends anymore. And I mean not a single one (rather pathetic for 35 years old but there you have it). I have cut ties with everyone I knew because I cannot face the humiliation of being in this position. I am desperately alone in all this. a year ago I managed to find the bravery to call a local domestic abuse charity and hunger up when the person answered the phone. One evening I also called Good Samaritans. But that was it. I often thought about posting online but I am terrified someone would recognise me. Anyway, why today I do not know.

[GilbertMarkham]

Years of destructive anger

Is this anger from your husband towards you? (And your child?)

[Sparkledot]

I didn't want to read and run. I hope you can find the courage to call your local domestic abuse charity again. They can and will help you.
Well done on being brave enough to post on here. I'm positive you will receive some good, helpful and practical advice.
Hugs

[AudTheDeepMinded]

You have been very brave with your attempts so far. This is a great place for support in helping you with the next steps towards a happier, healthier future for you and your son. We're listening, how can we help?

[1235kbm]

OP are you a UK citizen, what's your visa status?

What do you want to do?

[grapesofbath]

Hi OP, keep taking these steps, you are doing well.

You can email Samaritans at [email protected] if you would find that easier.

[buggeroffvirus]

I wish I could hold your hand.
You can do this, whenever possible get in touch with one of the helplines and they will advise you. Be strong and get yourself your child away and give you both a better life. I know its hard but it is doable.
No one will judge you and the people on the helplines will have heard much worse. You will not be on your own.
There are good people out there willing to help you. x

[HatRack]

Op keep posting

[Alexandernevermind]

Well done for taking the first step. If I were in your position I would go to my GP and tell them everything you have told us here. They will be able to refer or signpost you to agencies that would help. I am sure if you reached out to old friends they would be supportive. Are there any family members who would be able to take you and your son in to give you chance to rebuild yourself and your life? The very best wishes for you, stay strong.

[mumsonthenet]

Time to reach out and look for support as 10 years is more than to much time
Should you live a life with anger it is destructive to yourself, your child
I know reaching out is difficult and no man can make you live a unhappy life
I understand the affects and reasons people stay in these relationships I only wish they moved away as soon as it begun
Are you able to talk to someone and take steps to get out of living with this man.
You need to reach out for any support in real life where you can! Now take on all the support and encouragement you can from here to empower you.

[Dery]

@Amy1906 - if you believe you are in danger right now, then please call the police. Domestic abuse is a crime and sadly it has increased since lockdown because of the forced proximity between partners. The police will not judge you and they are there to protect you in this situation.

It sounds like you have been having an incredibly difficult time and have been very strong. From what you're saying, you are experiencing a seriously abusive relationship. Unfortunately, it is common for abuse to start when the female partner is pregnant or children are born, perhaps because the abuser subconsciously knows that it is harder to get away. And it is common to suffer mental and physical health problems as a result of being abused (even if it emotional/mental rather than physical).

Have hope, OP. There are amazing women on these threads who have escaped from truly desperate situations and I'm sure some of them will start appearing to offer you advice and support.

You are clearly a strong woman and you certainly have the strength to build a happy life for you and your DC. It is probably overwhelming to try and think of doing it all in one go so just take it step by step. Unless you are in immediate danger and need to call the police and/or grab your DC and leave the house, take a pause and start planning. Here is a link to the Women's Aid website: www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/making-a-safety-plan/#1447928860934-dc869210-5f8b
This sets out guidance on various things including on making a safety plan to keep yourself safer while you are still in the house together, preparing to leave and what to pack if you are preparing to leave.

Remember despite lockdown, you are permitted to take our DC and leave your home and move somewhere else to escape domestic abuse.

There is no shame in being a sufferer of domestic abuse. This is your partner's fault - not yours. Unfortunately, some people are abusive towards their partners. If you can, please reach out to one or two people in real life. Family and friends will be really pleased to hear from you again and their support will be useful to you. Your GP may also be able to help, perhaps with medication for depression. I'm sure that a lot of your physical and mental health problems will improve after you have escaped the abuse. It will take a while because of the trauma you have gone through but you will get there.

Keep posting here, OP.