Online date - slow with replies

[toffeeapple123]

Went on a first date last Saturday - socially distanced walk in a park. I wasn't feeling a spark and did not expect to see him again, although he seemed a very nice guy with excellent prospects - great career, similar values etc. At the end of the date, he said to let him know if I fancied meeting up again, to which I replied 'sure why not'. Bit confused why he did tbh as it wasn't the best date. Plenty of conversation but no big spark.

Anyway, he followed up later that evening with a message to say how much he enjoyed the date and how pretty I looked in the sun. We had a short exchange and I thought 'why not, I will give it another chance' but then I did not hear from him for two days. He sent a few nice messages and asked if I fancied a chat but it was early evening and I was tired and did not feel like talking (long bad day at work). I sent a very nice reply though. Again, he took two days to reply. By this point, I thought: I'll bin him off, he's clearly not that into things and perhaps even has me on the back burner. So I didn't reply. But today again he sent a follow up message to ask how my weekend was going.

Am I right he's not that interested, right? Otherwise we'd be planning a second date, and he wouldn't be taking days to reply to basic messages.

He does not seem like a player - he is quite geeky, doing very well in a posh job, and was very clear he wants to meet someone to settle down with at this stage in his life. He even talked about financing and how he is saving to buy a house with a partner in the next few years etc.

Little confused by his behaviour!

Am I right to bin him off?

[Bunnymumy]

Ultimately, you dobt fancy him. So what he does or does want shouldnt matter a damn.

Also, some men are happy to pursue things even when there is no spark as...well, they're only concerned with their little fella.

Do yourself a favour and waste no more time on this.

[Crystalspider]

Who knows what his reasons are, busy, not that interested, likes a lot of space, but I think the most important thing is if your not really into him then just leave it and don't worry about his feelings as your only been on one date just turn him down politely if he contacts again.

[sonjadog]

He might just be trying not to seem too desperate? Or it might be a sign that he is a well-rounded person with plenty of other stuff going on in his life? I don't think it necessarily a bad sign. But if you don't fancy him, then don't date him.

[backseatcookers]

Why does it matter when you aren't that into him anyway?

You don't need to see it as binning him off, just not having a second date with someone you met for a couple of hours and felt no spark with...

I think you're overthinking this hugely. You are in control of your own life, you're ruminating over what to do about this when you aren't into him anyway!

Thank you, next...

[baileys6904]

So he asked if you fancied a chat, you said no, and yet you're asking if he isn't interested?

It sounds like he already knows you're not too keen. Or are you? If you're not sure, how's he meant to know?

Perhaps just decide what you want and then you can act accordingly

[toffeeapple123]

baileys6904 I sent a long answer to say I was busy doing something else, and asked him lots of questions....which he took two days to reply to. Same earlier on in the week - two days to reply to text messages. I am engaging, but rude or dismissive. I am not sensing interest from him. A week on, still no suggestion of meeting. So I can only take it to mean he's not that into me which I don't think is unreasonable?

[TodayIHaveGotThis]

Why are you making an effort to engage with someone you're not interested in though?

Is it because he looks good on paper and, if he shows an interest in you, you'll pursue it anyway?

[SirGawain]

I am not sensing interest from him.
I imagine he's not sensing much interest from you.

[toffeeapple123]

TodayIHaveGotThis Yes...

[Brunomarsbars]

I’d draw a line under it and move on. Could he have said to let him know if you fancied doing it again without really meaning it? Some people trot out those lines at the end of a date out of awkwardness - his actions don’t suggest he has much intention of following through and you’re not that bothered anyway!

[toffeeapple123]

Brunomarsbars That's what I thought. Not sure why he continues to message me every two days though. It's quite annoying! Won't bother replying anymore.

[Whathewhatnow]

Honestly why?? You're not into him. Just leave it. You should pretty much know instantly if there's a spark. 2 days to reply is neither here nor there. Sometimes my nearest and dearest wait a bit, as do I. No game playing, just bust lives and introversion.

[TheStuffedPenguin]

Yes as @SirGawain you don't sound interested . He probably thinks that aren't !

[hopingtobedally]

Bloody hell he sounds wet
You don't fancy him
Don't settle don't even waste any more time

[TodayIHaveGotThis]

toffeeapple123

But why??

Why do you not want someone you find attractive?

[LemonsLive]

Not sure why he continues to message me every two days though. It's quite annoying!

I wondered this too, OP. Been online dating a bit last few weeks. One man sends me the odd one-liner. I found out he's just happy to do that, doesn't expect to meet! To be fair we live quite far from each other, but still to me its a bit strange.

I think some men do it because they are bored, want to have a laugh with a stranger. I don't get it myself.

I think the most basic rule is never give more energy than they do for sure. And if its becoming a drag best to leave it ....?

[LemonsLive]

At least he did meet you.

Once!!!!!!

.

[CuppaZa]

I think he can sense you aren’t in to him.

[mumsonthenet]

Both of you being each other's second option?
He is busy
I have bouts of texting and then not so much
Or he is dating others or being genuinely polite but not to pushy
On paper he looks good..maybe he senses your shallow?!

[longtimecomin]

It's far better to be single than in the wrong relationship

[LOVELYDOVEY05]

Why are you making such a fuss over someone you have just met once?
It takes a while to get to know someone. Perhaps he is dating a few others as well. Not nastily but just to see where the land lies?

[2020canfuckoff]

Shes making a fuss and asking because it hurts her ego. It feels better to be the dumper than the dumpee. Some people start to appreciate things when they lose them.
The dignified thing is to tell him you aren't feeling it and leave it there.

[NameChangeNugget]

I don’t think he’s that bothered

[Onemansoapopera]

The agonies over one meet with no spark!! 👀

[Treacletoots]

Haha this is basic psychology in action.

You aren't that interested. But because he's clearly NOT that interested, it makes you want him (even though you know you don't)

You're allowing your inner chimp to control you reactions instead of your head.

1. No spark
2. He's VERY clearly not that interested

Why on earth are you still giving him headspace..