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Non-romantic relationships - how do you ignore it when you don't get on with someone

(7 Posts)
burdog Fri 05-Jun-20 13:52:17

So, there's a woman in my wider friendship circle that I've know for, I don't know, 13 or so years now. She's always been cool with me and, if I'm honest, dismissive with a tendency to be hostile towards me. She's the type of person that will laugh at you if you get something wrong, picks you up if she thinks you've made a mistake, that type of thing. She's lovely to people she likes, but clearly isn't keen on me so I don't get the loveliness. She's frequently weirdly guarded or just kind of jokingly rude.

She once wanted my help with something and after a long conversation about my career experience and qualifications (which was odd, because she's never been interested before) actually said to my face, "You'll have guessed by now that I have an ulterior motive in speaking to you," then asked her question. Um, what?

I'm a bit more miffed with her at the moment because I arranged a get together on our friend group watsapp, invited other friends I have, and she was all over my friend while ignoring me apart from a brief "Hello" as per usual.

She winds me up, and I'm sure I'm not her favourite type of person either otherwise she'd be nicer.

She's the type of person who's never outright rude enough for you to be able to point to something she's done as being egregious or so outrageous that justifies talking to her or getting rid of her, it's just a drip drip drip of things that make my eye twitch.

I suppose part of the problem is still, after all these years, I'm hurt she's not nicer to me. She's cleverer than me, has a better memory, and works in a STEM job and I'm not in STEM, and has made comments directly and indirectly about how she thinks scientists are superior in the past. It feels like she just doesn't respect me and never will and just wants to put me in my place all the time.

I want her to stop, to be honest. What do I do, every time she's mean or rude - just say that I found it mean or hurtful? I'm concerned that she'd see it as a red flag and feel justified doing it more because it would trigger the competitive streak in her.

How do I focus on ignoring when she's rude or hostile and instead pay attention to the nicer side to her (which she never displays to me, only to other people)?

OP’s posts: |
MikeUniformMike Fri 05-Jun-20 14:08:17

You could say "Could you repeat that for me please?" every time she is rude to you.

Laserbird16 Fri 05-Jun-20 14:11:32

Can you just stop interacting with her? I'm a firm believer in avoiding people I don't really like

Crystalspider Fri 05-Jun-20 14:11:59

It's bad enough having to work with people like that let alone choosing to be around people like that.
I would avoid.

burdog Fri 05-Jun-20 14:18:20

@laserbird16 I do try not to talk to her much apart from brief pleasantries. I've cut down the amount I see her, but nearly every time I organise something in our friend watsapp group she comes. And if anyone else arranges anything she usually comes as well so I end up interacting then as well.

OP’s posts: |
MagnoliaJustice Fri 05-Jun-20 14:31:55

I'd kill her with kindness. Totally ignore her nastiness. Be super friendly and she'll wonder what the hell is going on.

wildone84 Fri 05-Jun-20 14:33:12

She sounds like a bit of an arsehole. I would do my best to avoid speaking to her as much as possible. Minimise communication, don't engage.

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