Pregnancy test

[DaffodilsAndDandelions]

I've just POAS and I don't think there is any denying the positive result.
This baby is not planned at all, I'm on the pill and haven't missed any. Been sick a couple of times but always in the evening and I take the pill I the morning. I start uni in September, we already have an 18mo son and my partner has a son aged 6.
Our relationship has been rocky to say the least though I think the latest problems were Covid lockdown panic from my OH. We are now lovely and happy with the new normal.
I do t think I can do a termination though having a baby is not practical at all. Any advice or ideas welcome. I haven't told my partner yet.

[DaffodilsAndDandelions]

Anybody got a ray of hope that this test is negative?

[Notimefor]

That’s positive!

[FourPlasticRings]

That's pretty unequivocal, OP. First thing to do is ask for a scan to be arranged to date the pregnancy as that's a strong line. The gestation may limit your options or influence how you feel about them.

Try not to panic. You may well be able to defer uni for a year (may actually be better, rather than having to learn in the time of coronavirus).

[AmeliaTaylor]

That’s so clearly positive, it almost sounds like you’re in denial :(

Don’t write off a termination just yet. Go for some counselling around pregnancy options and see what they say, talk it through. It might not be as awful a procedure as you envisage, or when you’ve discussed it with someone impartial you may come to realise that even though you don’t actively want an abortion it’s for the best in the bigger picture for everyone and that you can therefore go through with it. Or you may conclude you’re having the baby, but you’ll be thankful of the certainty and have nothing to lose by at least exploring it.

It’s tough as you have to think about your existing child and the potential strain on your relationship/finances and how that would affect your kid. Not a straightforward decision either way. Also need to take into account how this would affect your studies and future career and income.

People have had babies in less than ideal circumstances and made it work, others have gone ahead and regret it deeply. You really need to talk it through with someone ASAP.

[DaffodilsAndDandelions]

Thankyou everyone, I know it's a strong line and so definitely positive it can't be anything else. I know I have always wanted more than one child. I saw myself with quite a tribe of them actually. Just not one right now! Very surprised considering the contraceptive I've been on and the fact that crippling sciatica makes sex very painful and we only managed it 1-2 times last month!

I'm fairly sure we can afford it. We still have every single baby thing my son had in the loft so won't have to buy anything for new baby. Just 🤞 it's another boy!

I will qualify for student grants etc that come to more than I currently earn so no worries from that side.

Just need to work out how to tell my partner tonight! Not sure what his reaction will be as he was fairly adamant about not having any more kids even tho he didn't stop me keeping the stuff.

[DaffodilsAndDandelions]

I've just spoken to the doctor as I'm on a few painkillers at the moment. He was very positive talking about a happy surprise and said congratulations. Maybe I should just go for it. I want more children. I'm pregnant. Why not? Is there ever a good time?

[AmeliaTaylor]

You maybe qualify for student grants but will you be able to afford childcare so you can go to uni and do the work?

Sorry not trying to be negative, just didn’t know if you’d factored that in.

Let us know how the conversation goes with your OH. Are you guys married?

[AmeliaTaylor]

Yes, there are really good times to have a baby :)

[DaffodilsAndDandelions]

Yes, I'd already looked at the childcare grant for the older one and uni cover 85% of the bill so we can afford that.
No we aren't married. We have been together over 5 years and live together.
My first was a carefully planned baby to arrive November December time as we are gardeners and I wanted to be able to work all summer than I've a few months off with the baby before going back to work in April. Is one is a surprise but not necessarily bad one. Just one I need to get my head round.

[AmeliaTaylor]

Sounds like you’re figuring this out :) it’s bound to be a huge shock initially but it comes across like you do actually want the baby, which seems like a big change from your first post only a couple hours ago when you were desperately trying to convinced yourself it wasn’t a positive. Take some time, you don’t have to make any decisions yet. Get the pregnancy dated and talk to your DP and see what his thoughts are too. Best of luck

[DaffodilsAndDandelions]

Thankyou @AmeliaTaylor I think my 1st post was the ramblings of a shocked person.

I will report back after a conversation with my DP.

The doctor was so positive it sort of changed my mindset to thinking that it is possible really.

[ForeverBubblegum]

Go for it, if we all waited for the perfect time to have a baby, we'd never have them. Once you have a due date you can talk to uni about deferring. It really depends on the set up of your course when it will make sense for leave to start/ end.

You get a small run on from student finance (60 days I think) if you take time out due to pregnancy, but after that you will need to think about how to fund leave. Are you working alongside study? Maternity allowance is a bit more flexible, so even if you've stopped working to study, you might still qualify form holiday work or work before your course started (you will be able to work out what dates count once you know due date)

Once you go back you can get extra student finance towards childcare, for your older one as well as baby.

[milcmxxx]

I was gonna say exactly what bubblegum said, if we waited for the right time then we’d never have them!! Don’t want to sway you either way as you will 100% make the right choice - but you can still go to uni just ask to defer a year! Xx

[DaffodilsAndDandelions]

Told DP, he's a little shocked but I think has accepted the idea. No mention of having a termination at all which pleased me. I've also told PIL and they are both happy if a little surprised. Just my own parents to tell now who may not be quite so understanding. I'm thinking I won't need to defer a year right at the beginning. Baby won't be due until March I think so will at least make a start and make sure I work enough to get maternity allowance. 😀🤰🏼

[Flamingnora123]

It all sounds great and you seem positive with the idea. Your body and mind would let you know if you weren't. I had a pregnancy scare post husband's vasectomy, and despite the fact that I used to want loads of kids I freaked the f* out. That told me that the vasectomy was definitely a good plan.

You want more kids, your family is happy, you can afford it... Embrace it! Congratulations

[FourPlasticRings]

Congratulations, OP.

I think you're doing the right thing here. Mumsnet is very pro-abortion in general but I've seen lots of people on here struggling with the guilt months and years after the event. Decades in some cases. It can really take a toll on your mental health if you're not OK with doing it as you stated you weren't in your first post.

Where there's a will, there's a way. It'll work itself out. And a close age gap can be really lovely for siblings. Also, little girls look great in blue.