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Is he using me?

(30 Posts)
evie1990 Fri 05-Jun-20 09:10:24

So I met a guy a few months ago
We have met up around 6 times
I really like him so much
He says all the right things before we meet and when we are together, we then have sex
Then after he's done seeing me he goes completely silent on me
He doesn't follow me on Instagram anymore but he views my stories and replies to them from time to time
He met my baby son in December and that was the last time I saw him, but he has said a couple of times that he misses us both
He's been extremely silent lately and hardly ever talks to me
I have been living with my parents for the past couple of years but have just moved into my new home, he has just found out from my Instagram story now all of a sudden I get a text asking if he can come over to see me
I've been thinking about it all day and would absolutely love for him to come over (but socially distancing in the garden) as I'm really into him but my heart is telling me he is just using me for sex so I haven't replied to him yet
Should I just go with my gut feeling and cut him off?
It hurts how much I like him but I just don't feel he likes me back
It feels like he only wants to see me when it suits him and its always for sex
I really wish he would like me back but I'm afraid he's just using me and it hurts so bad

OP’s posts: |
WhoEatsPopTarts Fri 05-Jun-20 09:12:00

Yes and you know it.

Igtg Fri 05-Jun-20 09:13:42

He doesn’t want a chat in the garden. He likes the idea of you in your own place on tap for sex. Sorry but you said It yourself.

noyoucannotcomein Fri 05-Jun-20 09:16:24

Absolutely yes.

And keep him away from your son. Kids shouldn't be meeting even decent boyfriends away near so early.

Saying he misses you son is utter nonsense. He doesn't even know him. He's just trying to manipulate you.

You're well rid.

Cantpickausername5 Fri 05-Jun-20 09:18:05

Yup absolutely using you. I'm so sorry that's a horrible thing to do to people. Using them and playing on their emotions. Really awful but he is definitely using you.

Sunflowersok Fri 05-Jun-20 09:18:14

Yes he’s using you for sex. Of course he will say all the right things.

It’s hard when you like someone so much because we tend to make up our own reality and future in our heads about what we want the situation to be. When in reality, he isn’t that in to you, but he sees you as an easy access pass for a shag.

If he liked you OP, genuinely liked you, he wouldn’t go silent on you. He would make you feel wanted after sex. He would still be following you on Instagram. He would be ringing you up nightly to ask about your day. He would make you feel wanted. You would know. Your instincts are spot on. Don’t make the fantasy about what you want this to be cloud the reality of it

Save your time and efforts for someone who truly deserves it ❤️

Rainbowqueeen Fri 05-Jun-20 09:22:49

Your instincts are correct. Please follow them and block him.
You clearly want a relationship. He doesn’t. The more contact you have with him the harder it will become for you to meet someone else.
One text saying that doesn’t work for me please don’t contact me again. Then block
Then plan some nice things for yourself that you will enjoy, keep busy and the hurt will fade and you’ll be in a better place to meet someone who treats you like you deserve

TwentyViginti Fri 05-Jun-20 09:24:04


He doesn’t want a chat in the garden. He likes the idea of you in your own place on tap for sex. Sorry but you said It yourself.

Totally this. You know it, we know it, he knows it.

ErickBroch Fri 05-Jun-20 09:33:46

Oh my god he is completely using you and I feel so bad that you think it could be more. Please stop contacting him.

artyandtarty Fri 05-Jun-20 09:36:39

You already know the answer to this OP.

evie1990 Fri 05-Jun-20 11:03:18

Thanks for all the responses. It really hurts and is going to take time to heal, I hope I can get over him soon. I'm not going to return any of his calls or texts again

OP’s posts: |
TwentyViginti Fri 05-Jun-20 11:15:13

Well done OP! just think of it as experience. In future value yourself more, and please don't introduce future men to your child so soon - in fact keep your dating life seperate from your family life until you're reasonably sure you're with a good 'un who treats you well, and not just as a convenient shag.

TwentyViginti Fri 05-Jun-20 11:19:09

Forgot to add - block and delete him on all formats so you're not tempted. Otherwise he may start promising the earth just to get you back in bed.

madcatladyforever Fri 05-Jun-20 11:21:16

FGS dump him, you deserve better, he couldn't care less about your baby he just says it to get to you.
Men like this are scum and your baby needs your attention 100%.

NoMoreDickheads Fri 05-Jun-20 11:33:01

Should I just go with my gut feeling and cut him off?

Yes. Block him.

evie1990 Fri 05-Jun-20 12:51:29

Ok thanks everyone I'll block him though it will be hard as I trusted him at first and let him in my life I opened up to him but it was clear in the end that all he saw me for was sex

OP’s posts: |
Opentooffers Fri 05-Jun-20 13:10:58

Hang on! You haven't seen him since December when he met your son, that's 6 months ago? But you have already said you only met a few months ago? I think your timelines are a bit wrong on your account of this. Either way, if you haven't seen him since December, and you only met 6 times total, you should be well over him already hmm

evie1990 Fri 05-Jun-20 13:18:13

No I said I met him a few months ago meaning around 9 months ago and saw him 6 times in total until December then we haven't met since because of lockdown
Sorry if I've confused you it's hard to keep track of times with all the current situations going on

OP’s posts: |
amillionwishes Fri 05-Jun-20 13:20:20

Lockdown started at the end of March... was it a LDR?

Either way, of course he's using you and of course you should block him. Maybe lay off dating for a while and concentrate on your new place and your baby?

Opaljewel Fri 05-Jun-20 13:53:15

December and not seen him since then? Even with lockdown, that is not a relationship and he doesn't care.

Op a man who is worth your time will show it to you. Remember that words are nothing until actions back it up. You said it yourself, he disappeared after sex several times and went cold. He sill do it again. You're letting him do it to you.

You are worth far more than this dickhead giving you scraps. Don't accept it, it's not a gift you want or need x

CandyLeBonBon Fri 05-Jun-20 15:02:55

You met him 6 times and he met your son? You need to work on your boundaries.

evie1990 Fri 05-Jun-20 15:18:14

Thanks for all the ladies been nice to me
The other ladies who are having a go at me please don't judge, you don't know what people are going through or what's in their heads. I've had this happen a few times and it's really got me down and made me feel like I'm worth nothing. Before I had my son I was used and felt like suicide, only my son keeps me going. Ok it might sound ridiculous to you but to me it felt right, he led me to believe we would meet again and told me he loved me at one point. I know now looking back how stupid I was but love does stupid things. I met him in September but I had known him for a year before we decided we liked each other and wanted to meet up

OP’s posts: |
Rainbowqueeen Sat 06-Jun-20 09:52:46

Op don’t be hard on yourself. Everyone makes mistakes.

But do learn from this experience, think hard about what you want in a relationship and what the best way to achieve that is. There are lots of good resources out there. I’d suggest The Freedom Programme might be a good idea for you.

Maybe also think about developing other parts of your life and focusing on making them as good as they can be eg friends, health, career.
You sound like a devoted mum. Best wishes

anadybella Sat 06-Jun-20 10:00:45

Big yes....

Opaljewel Sat 06-Jun-20 10:03:12

Have you looked at the freedom programme? It's just you've mentioned it's happened a few times. I reckon this guy could sense your vulnerability and openness to this behaviour and used that.

I don't think people are having a go to be horrible. It's just they can see more clearly what you can't as you are emotionally involved you see?

They just want you to accept better for yourself. You are worth more than a few scraps that some men throw you.

Self worth comes within. When we put others on pedestals, as they are only human, they are bound to let us down.

So I would recommend to you, the freedom programme to be able to help recognise the signs from these kinds of men. And I had not a lot of self esteem before and counselling helped. I would recommend going through Iapt and seeing a counsellor that does act (acceptance and commitment therapy) best thing I ever did.

Do yourself the biggest favour and use this year to learn to treat yourself better. Learn how to love yourself even if you feel others do not. Self validation is the best thing as others cannot fill that void inside. Leave this guy to mess someone else about. I promise if you keep on and look after yourself, you will feel so much stronger on the other side you can do this x

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