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Annoyed at DP

(4 Posts)
RainbowFlowers Thu 04-Jun-20 14:26:27

We've got a 1 week old and 3 year old.
DP asked me if it was OK for him to nip out for an hour and a half to help his friend with something at work tomorrow. He was on the phone to his friend at the time. I'm a bit of a slow processor and felt under pressure to say yes, so I said yes without thinking it through.

I'm still OK with him doing it but I just feel a bit overwhelemed by it since it will be my first time looking after both my DS's. I had a c section so I am still recovering from that. Still in pain and can't do heavy lifting.

Then later on husband tried to tell me about going out in a few weeks and I was just not ready to think about it. So I said let's not talk about it now and I got emotional.

Now DP is annoyed at me for saying yes if it made me feel that overwhelmed that I then couldn't talk to him about something else.

I have tried to explain to him that I didn't appreciate being put on the spot but I'm still OK with him nipping out. Then we spoke about him going out and actually by nipping out he means 3 hours which is not what he originally said. I'm still OK with it but wish he said that at the beginning.

At one point he said its pathetic that we can't have a talk without me getting emotional. (He didn't say I was pathetic) I said I'm never going to be someone who is good at being put on the spot and I am always going to be an emotional person.

I also tried to explain that I've been understanding to him originally saying it will take a lot shorter than it actually will. And that I feel he is not showing me the same level of understanding. He doesn't get this.

Not sure what I'm posting for.

It feels pretty shit. We both tried to patch things up last night but it kept getting heated. Today we have not spoken which is probs for the best option as we need a cool off.

OP’s posts: |
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Thu 04-Jun-20 14:30:41

I don't think he put you on the spot if he gave you a days notice and its only a couple of hour. I guess it just boils down to can you cope alone for 2 hours or not? Whats the plan for when he goes back to work?

OoohTheStatsDontLie Thu 04-Jun-20 14:41:38

I think he is being unfair. You're a week in from a major operation and have a newborn and a pre schooler. Not many people would be happy with him helping other people, when clearly, most people in your situation would need help themselves.

I'm sure the 'I had triplets I carried up 3 flights of stairs in their triple buggy on the way back from hospital where I almost died, because my husband wasnt there's brigade will be on soon saying they managed and you can do, but the point is you weren't alone, you have someone to support you and he chose to go and support someone else, even for a short time. I also think it's off to ask the father of a week old baby for help with anything.

Also saying its pathetic you can't discuss things without being emotional, is actually calling you pathetic. What's pathetic is making a woman cry a week after giving birth, of course your hormones are going to be all over the place and you're going to be emotional

gutentag1 Thu 04-Jun-20 14:48:02

He shouldn't even ask this early on, bless you. I'd ask him to leave it for a few weeks, except for the one you've already agreed to if you think you can manage that.

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