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DM is jealous of me being furloughed!

(7 Posts)
AgentJohnson Thu 04-Jun-20 13:56:44

* So glad I am the polar opposite of her.*

Rejoicing in the above is where your focus should be. When it comes to certain family members, the art of not giving a fuck, can not be more highly recommended,

whatisforteamum Thu 04-Jun-20 11:13:12

Agentjohnson.Yes I agree.So glad I am the polar opposite of her.

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whatisforteamum Thu 04-Jun-20 11:10:42

Onemansoapopera you misunderstand.I mentioned that she has been left in a comfortable financial situation as a way of explaining we are not better off than her financially.In case someone thought she was worse off.Heavens no not jealous of her having to take on responsibilities dh shielded her from.He got her anything she wanted and perhaps it has made her so nit picky.
My dh and I pride ourselves on being workers and have barely seen each other the last few years.
My siblings have mostly done what u advise mudpie.I live very close and I am the eldest and feel an obligation to help her.This week she saw.a new beauty product and asked my DS to get it for her as he works for.a retailer then asked where it was within a week!!.We have repeatedly explained that deliveries take longer.!
She got annoyed the local garden centre wouldn't deliver when they were reopening some dishwasher salt .I did explain they were opening slowly and didn't have staff to deliver.
We filled the car with plants for her but apparently.some of the petunias are not trailing.HARD WORK.Something is always wrong,which I get we all have gripe s but I find her to think the world revolves around her.She has taken herself off a dentist list,told GPS she is going elsewhere.Difficult.😥

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AgentJohnson Thu 04-Jun-20 11:03:58

This is who she is! This current outlet of her bitterness and bile is part of a longstanding pattern. Don’t waste your time going down the rabbit hole of trying to understand it.

mudpiemaker Thu 04-Jun-20 10:26:45

I would ask you what you get that is positive from your relationship with your Mum?

Many decades ago (very much a changed situation now) but we learned that no matter what we said to my PIL they made comments and judgements on it. So we just stopped telling them stuff, were vague about things and generally left out 90% of our life in phone calls to them. I found this helped a lot. They just treated us like children. We had both graduated university, had good jobs and a nice house. It wasn't like we were living at home and unemployed.

So stop telling her stuff, stop answering her calls, respond to text messages later than you normally would and start distancing yourself a bit. I describe people like your Mum as a black hole, they suck out all the light, surround yourself with radiators, people who are positive.

Black hole personality description -
"It’s their way, to steal and destroy our goodness with unrelenting insistence. What they’ve chosen, and persist in choosing. Their grabbing and grabbing, a joy-desperation for the ego-dominance-feeders. That relentless taking their purpose. It’s how they’ve set themselves to be, according to their fear-necessity. Thing is, becoming a black-hole, and being with one, is a one-way endeavour. We have to choose if we’re going to be fodder or not"

Onemansoapopera Thu 04-Jun-20 10:16:06

The fact that you mention the size of your mums house and her living off your dad's pension tells me this is a two way thing. Which is to say not that it is anyone's fault but that the apple and the tree are not too different, you both clearly has some competitiveness with each other in you. Which is extremely common in mums and daughters. I'm furloughed and people seem to think it's some kind of jolly holiday. It's actually quite a scary place to be. Don't take it to heart. Your mum is not experiencing it and is clueless, envy her that.

whatisforteamum Thu 04-Jun-20 09:56:39

All my life dm has had some kind of jealousy towards me.Being slimmer,having a career and even not helping much when did were born.I couldn't return to work as far as she was concerned I had made my bed so had to lie in it.
Which probably aggravated my post natal depression.She even called social services regarding my parenting.The health visitor had to respond and apologized when she saw a lovely clean home and 2 dc with decent homemade food and smiling faces.She said it must be difficult with a dm like that.
The last two decades she has constantly complained I work too hard..I do but I love it.
This week when some pple overrun a local beauty spot she said it's about time furlough ended.I explained those involved were teens so probably not on furlough.Several times she has said I just be sitting pretty regarding 80% furlough.She knows damn well dh and I work hard but earn lower incomes hence the 53 hour weeks.
She has a medium to large home and garden with dfs pension coming in.We have tried our best to pick up shopping and help during her shielding.
I know she is frustrated and gets her 5 Dc doing things for her and is generally high maintenance.
I don't understand the jealousy regarding my industry being closed for the forseeable.How can she not realize I am making the best of walking and D IYand not spending anything while we await job information.Whether DH and myself will even have work?Anyone else had this?.

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