Tips for restarting sex life after first child

[Crazydiamond106]

Me and my husband have a 4 month old daughter, our first child. As amazing as she is...a good sleeper she is not!

Despite the craziness of a new baby as well as a global pandemic / no babysitting or time alone we’ve been getting on really well and working together as a team really well. However...all passion and romance has dwindled.

I love him to bits but just don’t see him in a sexual way right now..I see him as a great friend and partner but we spend so much time in pjs / not don’t up at the moment, looking nackered and not getting one on one time to ignite any spark.

We are also both self employed so he’s working full time and I’m doing a few hours for our business a couple days a week. We’re both utterly shattered and sex is the last thing on either of our minds at the end of the day. I honestly don’t know how anyone does it and gets back to normal this quickly but I know people do...

I’m getting about 5 broken hours every night, he’s in the spare room week nights because of work...we’ve tried to have ‘date nights’ in where we get dressed up and make an effort but as we can’t leave the baby alone at 4 months this is sneaking around and whispering while she’s sleeping so not very relaxing!

We’ve had sex once since she was born :( and didn’t have sex the last 2 months of pregnancy so it’s been so so long...Even when we had sex we couldn’t do it for long as it was uncomfortable. It was nice though and felt like we reconnected but just felt too shattered since.

Just a rant really but would love some tips on how you find time / energy with a young baby! ...maybe too much information but another problem is he’s always taken quite a while...so think we’re both thinking do we really have the energy as a quickie isn’t an option...that would make a big difference!

[category12]

a quickie isn’t an option.

Well, he doesn't have to finish. You could just do what you can when you get the opportunity and urge, and if he doesn't finish, it's not the end of the world.

[SRK16]

I’m in the same situation but my baby is older than yours 😭
I’m so tired. Husband finally back in our room now but our baby is such a bad sleeper it puts me off even trying.
So following with interest!

[Sugartitss]

Does baby sleep during the day? Sex doesn’t have to be at night does it.

Be careful though. By the time my first was 4 months old I was 3 months pregnant with my second.

[Tonii1985]

Honestly, it does come back eventually. Give yourselves a break - it doesn't have to be a priority right now.

[Fiveasidefootballfamily]

Sex isn’t everything and certainly isn’t the one way to show affection or love towards your partner and him towards you. Be tactile, if you go for a walk, hold hands. Have a cuddle on the sofa. Enjoy the odd back/feet rub on the sofa. Maybe a quick shower together if you get a few mins and just be close. As long as you keep the bond and closeness, the sex will follow eventually.

[Oly4]

At four months I think we’d had sex once, give yourself time

[Cambionome]

4 months!! Why the massive rush?

[Anothernick]

Well done for trying and realising that you need to get your sex life back on track. It's so easy to let it go. You need to make it a priority, set some informal guidelines to make sure you find the time. Years ago, when our DC were young, my DW and I agreed that we would try not to go more than a week without. And we've pretty much stuck to that, apart from the immediate aftermath of childbirth. Sometimes it seemed a bit routine, even a bit of an effort, but, looking back on it now, decades later, I think it was one of the best decisions we ever made. We are now in our 60s and our sex life is as active as ever and over the years the amount of pleasure and enjoyment we have had had been immeasurable. Sex is the glue in a relationship, it keeps you together when everything else is falling apart, so don't give up - you will be glad you didn't.