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Do I end it...I dont know what to do :(

(14 Posts)
Lian29 Wed 03-Jun-20 15:21:28

So I have been with my partner for nearly 7 years we have 2 young children and i do love him.

My problem is i feel as though he has no respect for me or how i feel anymore. He has aspergers spectrum disorder (higher ability autism) so I understand he struggles with emotions and empathy. However for a long time now I feel as though he is just too comfortable to admit those feelings from the beginning just arent there amymore as i literally do everything for him and the kids and can honestly say i already feel like a single parent who just happens to share a bed with the kids dad. I feel so horrible saying it but its the truth.

I have tried so many times to talk to him but he just turns it around and starts an argument about the lack of sex and just does not hear what im saying but his attitude towards me lately is just so dissmissive and he has a negative view on everything. If i disagree with him on anything then we end up arguing to the point where i dredd talking to him about things or telling him something because im too worried about his reaction.

Am i being unreasonable. I dont know if i can do it anymore i love him but how do i go about changing how things are if he doesnt see that anything is wrong?

OP’s posts: |
nolovelost Wed 03-Jun-20 20:31:12

Could you try counselling? flowers

Lian29 Thu 04-Jun-20 23:44:21

What for me?? Or do u mean both of us because there is no way he would agree to that

OP’s posts: |
Iflyaway Fri 05-Jun-20 02:26:07

So do it for yourself.

The way you describe him he sounds awful. Nobody deserves treatment like that.

Apple1029 Fri 05-Jun-20 05:20:31

he really does sound awful. why do you need to live like this?

HannaYeah Fri 05-Jun-20 05:24:08

He’s unhappy with the lack of sec and your unhappy with doing the burden of household work?

HannaYeah Fri 05-Jun-20 05:24:23

Sex! Not sec!

Windmillwhirl Fri 05-Jun-20 05:25:53

I agree counselling for yourself is a very good idea.

This is your one shot at life. Do you really want to spend it with this man?

longtimecomin Fri 05-Jun-20 06:00:17

Another vote for counselling, ideally both of you.

KellyHall Fri 05-Jun-20 06:07:23

What is your current situation? I know lockdown has really negatively affected a lot of people's mental health.

My dh has gone from being a full-time breadwinner to being a full-time house husband. I hadn't realised how much he was struggling until he basically had a day long meltdown (shouting irrationally, being horrible to those around him, storming about, being seemingly unable to lookat or speak to anyone for hours), which was followed by a day of him calling everyone he works with trying desperately to find out when his furlough will end.

Hailtomyteeth Fri 05-Jun-20 06:13:35

Being autistic doesn't stop him having feelings or being a decent person. He is making a choice.

He complains about lack of sex? What lack? You aren't happy, you don't want sex. Fair. He is unreasonable to expect it.

He is dismissive of you. That's rude and demeaning, he shouldn't be doing it. Why live with that?

He isn't taking his fair share of the physical or emotional burdens of family life. 'Above' all that, is he? Or as my bastard ex sometimes liked to say, 'You don't get a dog and bark yourself.' Stop being his dog. You are living as a single parent but with the extra burden of his presence. Wouldn't you be happier without him?

Lian29 Fri 05-Jun-20 15:19:02

@hailtomyteeth... I have read your comment over a dozen times!!

My partner says that all the time....and thinking about it life without him would be a lot less stressful!! I suppose i have a decision to make!!

im scared of the impact it will have on my children who adore their dad and he loves them. If i end things im worried he will hit the self distruct button and i dont want that for him or my kids. He hasnt always been this way but its getting harder to remember a time when we were a team!!

Ive always told myself i would never give up on a relationship if it can still be fixed. I just dont know how to fix it sad

OP’s posts: |
Hailtomyteeth Sat 06-Jun-20 11:56:52

You only get one life. He is making yours miserable. What has most chance of bringing you joy? Do that. Good luck. It can be a hard road whichever route you choose. Settle on a plan to 'enjoy every moment', and leave him behind.

Hailtomyteeth Sat 06-Jun-20 11:59:35

'Self-destruct' - well if he does that, he's destroying his own life. He is entitled to do that. But he isn't entitled to destroy yours.

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