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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

After 6 long years he wants to get in touch.................

14 replies

Radley · 21/09/2007 21:43

I found out a week ago my brother wants to get in touch with me after 6 years of nothing.

I've talked to him briefly over the last few days but feel so scared/frightened/upset/nervous/on guard etc what on earth do I do

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mishymoo · 21/09/2007 21:45

I would carry on talking to him via phone for another few weeks to build up your confidence but I suspect you have alot of unanswered questions and the only way to get the answers will be to meet up with him eventually.

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Radley · 21/09/2007 21:46

i have an old unused mobile phone and when I found out I put a new payg sim card in and have been contacting him via that, he has no other details so i am in control

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collision · 21/09/2007 21:50

what has happened in the past?

can you talk about it?

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Radley · 21/09/2007 21:52

He was/is a violent alcoholic.

My dear dad died 6 years ago and brother phoned wanting the money he had been left before it was in bank etc.

When I said no he threatened to put me in the same place as dad

He then didn't turn up (nor did 2 sisters) to scatter dads ashes so I had to do it on my own

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collision · 21/09/2007 21:54

goodness!

have you kept tabs on what he has been up to via family?

has he changed?

has he said what he wants?

Im not surprised you feel anxious.

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Radley · 21/09/2007 21:56

He phoned me last night - from the pub - and tonight - from the pub. He is wanting to meet up sometime before christmas. He wants to meet my dd1 & dd2 and i've told him he has no chance before christmas.

When i've spoken he has been ok and answered my questions, when I asked why after this long he said he is 'too old, too ugly and too long in the tooth for arguments and he has missed his baby sister'

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Radley · 21/09/2007 21:57

He has 2 other sisters but it is me he has missed. He's not bothered about getting in touch with the other 2.

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collision · 21/09/2007 22:34

so he fell out with all of you!

has he got family too?

seems he wants to make up for some of the things he has done but I would be very cautious about it all and maybe see if you and dh could meet him before he meets the children.

what do your sisters say?

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Radley · 22/09/2007 10:00

don't know collision i've had nothing to do with them since either. He did speak to them briefly for a while but that fizzled out.

He hasn't got any family, he divorced years ago and his ex-wife has re-married, he very rarely sees his two children.

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collision · 22/09/2007 22:39

You obviously have lots of family issues to deal with if you arent in touch with the rest of the family either. why is the family so fragmented ( is that the right word?) why dont you see your sisters?

do you want a relationship with your brother? why has he come to you and not your sisters? does he see his children ever?

You must have a lot to work through? It is so sad when this happens and has made me think that I should contact one of my brothers whom I fell out with in May!!

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Radley · 23/09/2007 15:46

He has recently started seeing his children. I have asked him why me and he said that 'i've always been his baby sister and he's missed me', he's been a bugger in the past, jail bird, etc and i've never judged him, he never really got on with anyone other than me.

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fawkeoff · 23/09/2007 15:54

so how do u really feel bout it???? is there any way he would have a hidden agenda as to why he has contacted you after all this time???

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collision · 23/09/2007 20:40

so what do you think he wants?

would you trust him with the family?

do you think you will get in touch?

do you not want to get in touch with your sisters again?

sorry for all the questions but it is difficult when you dont know all the details and I am interested into the disintegration of the family you grew up with?

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Radley · 24/09/2007 12:54

I don't know what he wants, he says he just wants to be a family again and not grow old and lonely.

I don't know whether I could trust him 100% with the family, he sometimes struggles to deal with alcohol etc, I've made it v v clear that he does not meet any of us when he has had a drink.

He has rung me a couple of times and text me also, so he is keeping in touch so far.
I NEVER want to get in touch or talk to my sisters again, one lives at the bottom of our road who I never see and I don't have a clue where the other is living.

No need to apologise for all the questions LOL, may help me work things out better