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Am I an option?(4 Posts)
I have a male best friend who knows me since morethan 5 years. He is 5yrs older than me. I'm 24 years. He proposed me recently and said wants to marry me. I didn't get that vibe from him hence i said I don't have those feelings on him. I recently had a breakup few months ago. Today when we talked, he said why don't i choose him so that we can be committed for each other. I answered him stating that It never really occurred to me that he genuinely loved me anywhere. I said you only proposed me because I'm your friend and u know me very well so you might have thought why not her. And he said yes to that. He said he never really loved me but cares for me and thought it would be good if we pair up since we understand each other. And I really did not feel good about how he agreed that he did not love me but just thought why not me as a partner. I'm not sad about the fact he didn't love me but i felt like an option and i feel miserable because of my last relationship and on how it ended. And now i feel like no one really loves me.
You’re very young - and he’s not exactly over the hill himself - why the rush to ‘settle’ for the sake of companionship. Maybe if you were both 85 it could be an option?!
As it is, you have all the time in the world to meet someone who truly loves you and understands that you don’t just propose to someone out of the blue, you ‘woo’ them, date them, build a loving relationship with them and then once you are secure that you both feel the same way, THEN you can propose! He sounds very odd that he thought you’d agree to marry him without even being his GF.
Agree with PP - it's odd that your friend proposed when you aren't even dating and just on the grounds of friendship - particularly when you're only 24 and he's only 29. You don't love him romantically in any case so why spend any time feeling bad about this?
At 24, you have plenty of time to experience single life and relationships and find a partner who loves you and wants to be with you. I was nearly 30 when I got together with my now DH and have many friends who met their partners in their late 20s/early 30s. We change such a lot in our 20s that, personally, I think it's quite helpful to have the freedom to explore life and grow outside the confines of a relationship.
Just relax and enjoy life. Relationships will come in their own time. In the meantime, just keep busy and interested (as far as possible with the COVID-19 lockdown) and have fun.
You're only 24, you've tons of time to meet someone you love and who loves you. Don't accept such a substandard offer. I'd be wondering if he was much of a friend, to be honest.
Is there a cultural aspect to why you're giving this suggestion headspace?
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