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Dating advice

12 replies

runningon · 01/06/2020 18:21

I've met this guy (on an online dating app) and we've had a couple of outside SD 'dates' where we've met up for a drink in the sun in a local park.
We haven't touched or kissed etc.
Partly because of SD and partly because (I don't think) there is any chemistry (although we've never kissed etc, but I don't fancy him either).
He messages me saying he fancies me and complimenting me.
He has now messaged me asking me to come watch a movie in his room (he is a student in halls).
I don't want to ghost him, but I'm happy never to see him again, what do I reply?
I know this is a silly question and I should know the answer, but he called me cold (in the context of me talking about my last relationship - and I guess I am - in that I can walk away and never look back (I don't think this is a bad thing).
What should my reply be?
I don't want to be a dick, just don't want to see him again.
I have messaged him that I don't think there is a spark between us (which he replied we wouldn't know until we kissed etc, but I don't believe that!)

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Ifionlyhadahorse · 01/06/2020 18:40

The thing that really jumps out is you did not like being called cold. Give it some real thought, he could be the nicest kindest lad in the world .

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Jennifer2r · 01/06/2020 18:48

If you don't want to see him again, just say that. 'I don't want to hang out again, best of luck with everything'.

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BraveGoldie · 01/06/2020 18:56

OP, doesn't matter if he thinks you are cold or not...., if you don't want to pursue this the best thing for Both of you is to not do so.... just be simple about it.

'I enjoyed meeting you, but don't feel it's a real match so won't be meeting again. I wish you all the best for finding the right one'

No need to answer if he tries to write to persuade you. You have said twice now that you don't feel it is right, any more attempts from him would be creepy and don't deserve a response. That's not cold, it's just not letting yourself be manipulated....

since you are already worried about what he thinks due to something critical about you, and he seems to be suggesting you kiss him even when you have said you don't feel a spark, I do get some creepy vibes from this guy.... meeting in his room on third date also feels very accelerating to me.....so moving on firmly sounds like a good idea!

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BraveGoldie · 01/06/2020 18:57

Sorry - I meant something critical he said about you.....

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SeptemberRain37 · 01/06/2020 18:58

I've been in this position before
Say.. youre a really nice guy but I honestly can't see this working out. All the best for the future and I hope you find what you're looking for.

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Aquamarine1029 · 01/06/2020 19:02

"It was nice meeting you, but I've decided this relationship isn't working for me. All the best."

Then block. Don't worry about hurting his feelings, that's not your responsibility. Be polite, be brief, and do it now.

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Thingsdogetbetter · 01/06/2020 19:34

Are women supposed to kiss every bloke we meet and don't fancy to see if there's a spark? His 'logic' doesn't make sense? He's being pushy and entitled. The correct reply to your text would have been "ok, lovely to meet you". Not trying to persuade to his room for a snog! Ew.

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Littlemix1 · 01/06/2020 21:51

I'm sorry but you don't have to kiss someone to know if there is an attraction or spark. For me I can talks to someone beforehand and see pics and thinks yes I like then. But you know within seconds of meeting that person if there is any form of attraction. With my bf when I met him I knew instantly I fancied the pants off of him (and liked him before we met by text etc) don't let anyone pressure you into a second date or kiss etc. Just reply back with someone like your a really nice guy but for me there was no attraction in person and don't wish to peruse another date. If he tries coming back again I'd just block him

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runningon · 01/06/2020 23:21

Thanks everyone, you've hit the nail on the head articulating what I feel ...apart from ifonly
I don't think I'm cold at all, but I am quite practical and I can't be arsed with wasting time in someone's company (or wasting their time). I'm very inexperienced at OD, I'm also quite old-fashioned and don't want to ghost him etc, but I don't want to be a doormat either! I'm definitely not going to shag him just because he t inks we should.
I really appreciate it, I'm going message him in the morning, I'm not gonna block, so if he's shitty after I reject him, then great...lucky escape!

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NoMoreDickheads · 01/06/2020 23:30

and I guess I am - in that I can walk away and never look back

You only just met the bloke, and presumably your ex wasn't ideal. It's a bit mouthy of him to call you cold when he doesn't really know you or how what happened with your ex felt to you that you felt you had to end it etc. It's almost manipulative.

I would send him a text, say 'I don't think we're compatible but I wish you all the best' or something.

I have messaged him that I don't think there is a spark between us (which he replied we wouldn't know until we kissed etc, but I don't believe that!)

Ewww! So he's trying to get you to kiss him when you've said you don't feel that way about him. I wouldn't even be as polite as what I said above. I think I'd say that I didn't like someone trying to manipulate me into kissing them when I'm not attracted t them or something. But then I hate the cheek of men.

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chubbyhotchoc · 01/06/2020 23:41

'Sorry I don't feel a spark' but I would have just not replied to such a low offer. Good for you not accepting such a crappy date though