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Involvement with his ex driving me crazy!

(24 Posts)
Niajade Mon 01-Jun-20 09:02:40

Hi guys, wanting to see if anyone has dealt with similar. My bf has been split up with his ex for 2 years now (she stayed in the home they shared with child for a year saving to rent her own home because the house was his) whilst she saved she had a boyfriend and I met my bf (in amongst the mess) She moved out 7 months ago, has continued with her bf. But still heavily relies on my bf and his family for most things, she txts my bf to ask if he can pick her up some paint from work, or plants etc. My boyfriend has done this a few times now. The last time he did it she was sat in garden with her bf while my OH is delivering plants. She also rings his mum daily asking can they come over and have the LO. I try telling him she’s taking the mick out of him but he continues doing it. Causes issues between us.

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Bluntness100 Mon 01-Jun-20 09:04:53

I guess he’s doing it when he is fine with doing it and to maintain an amicable relationship as they co parent. I think if he’s comfortable and she is, you should not get involved in deciding if he should or shouldn’t.

Igtg Mon 01-Jun-20 09:10:24

Didn’t you have a long thread on this yesterday?

Niajade Mon 01-Jun-20 09:18:49

@Bluntness100 whilst I kind of understand the amicable part, I don’t have a child, have never had to co-parent and friends I have who do aren’t this involved.

@igtg this is my first time posting here. I can’t find any posts similar so thought I’d share my own.

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vinotinto88 Mon 01-Jun-20 09:21:53

@Igtg I'm certain I read something almost identical yesterday. And didn't they both get together through cheating?

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 01-Jun-20 09:22:32

Her relationship with his mum isn’t your business so I’d let that go. She should buy her own paint or get her own boyfriend to help her if she can’t manage it but tbh your issue is with him, as you say, so if he’s okay with her depending on him like this he’s not going to change things. At the moment he’s more worried about keeping her happy than you. If you’re not comfortable with that, and fair enough, then I’d walk away. Why look for drama, I’m sure you’ll meet someone lovely who’s a bit less complicated.

Niajade Mon 01-Jun-20 09:37:25

@Igtg I have looked on here can’t find anything similar, apart from a thread this morning which I have replied too. No one has cheated in this instance was a mutual split before I met my OH.

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Niajade Mon 01-Jun-20 09:38:03


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Niajade Mon 01-Jun-20 09:39:43

@AnneLovesGilbert this is my point he seems to want to keep her happy, regardless of my feelings about it.

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Viviennemary Mon 01-Jun-20 09:42:18

Just call it a day. This isn't going to change any time soon. There are a couple of threads about partners bring over friendly with their exes. I'd find this very irritating that she snaps her fingers and he jumps. It's pathetic.

Niajade Mon 01-Jun-20 09:49:04

@viviennemary that’s exactly what he does! So irritating.

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OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe Mon 01-Jun-20 09:53:05

You need to stay out of it.
He and his family will always do things for his his ex and their child because they’re family too. Yes, she’s probably taking the piss getting him to do errands but that’s HIS issue, not yours.

OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe Mon 01-Jun-20 09:55:26

@Niajade I just read your comments on the other thread....this relationship needs to end. You’re going to end up very hurt.

Niajade Mon 01-Jun-20 10:14:06

@OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe I’m already very hurt. 😢

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OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe Mon 01-Jun-20 10:46:28

Then there’s only one solution. I’m sorry.

Isthisnothing Mon 01-Jun-20 20:58:08

@niajade I agree with pp, I think this relationship is going to bring you misery. I read your responses on the other thread. You are battling against the ex when it's him who should be drawing boundaries with her and his family. He's not which shows where his priorities lie.

I'd walk to be honest

TorkTorkBam Mon 01-Jun-20 21:00:53

He's not that into you.

You are wasting your time with him.

Niajade Mon 01-Jun-20 21:23:01

Tbh he has fallen out with his family sticking up for me numerous times. He’s just trying to keep everyone happy.

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Lifesabeach86 Mon 01-Jun-20 21:27:03

Why don't his family like you?

TorkTorkBam Mon 01-Jun-20 22:15:54

Keeping everyone happy is a fool's errand. It means he has no values of his own. He will always follow the path of least resistance.

Do you still find him attractive when he's a wet lettuce like this?

Me, if he's wet then I'm dry.

RLEOM Mon 01-Jun-20 22:23:49

Does he work in a place that sells plants and paint? If so, then I don't see that as a problem, especially if they don't live too far away from each other. My daughter's dad is a mechanic. He's happy for me to ask for help if needed.

BumbleBeee69 Mon 01-Jun-20 22:29:31

DUMP... if his family and your BF want to run around after her and her 'now' Partner, then more fool them, but do not be apart of the circus OP... find a man that cherishes YOU.. flowers

user1481840227 Mon 01-Jun-20 22:54:05

Why does her asking the mother to babysit bother you?
Maybe she really needs or wants a break and has no one else to ask?
It's fine for her to allow the grandmother to have as much involvement as they both want!!

Does your partner offer to mind the child when she wants a break or to go somewhere?

Why does he need to stick up for you to his family?

BumbleBeee69 Mon 01-Jun-20 23:07:45

why doesn't her new partner do anything around the house? why doesn't her new partner go buy the 'paint' ? why doesn't her new partner give her a break from the children ? why doesn't her new partner go shopping for her ? why is everyone running around when she has her own partner ?

Childcare with Granny is not relevant and cannot be considered unreasonable...

but everything ... ridiculous

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