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How to like dh again?

(9 Posts)
crosser62 Sun 31-May-20 13:18:59

He is a lovely, lovely man.
A much better parent than I am to our children.
Because I have been working hard for about 4-5 years, I’ve not spent much time with him.

More and more I have become irritated by him, things he does and says.
He has noticed this of course.

I’m peri menopausal, I’m tired, I’m stressed with work.

We have such a lovely life, I don’t want to end it.

How do I not be irritated by him, sort my head out and get our lovely relationship back on track.
Anyone been here and been able to get back to how it was.

OP’s posts: |
dancemom Sun 31-May-20 13:21:02

Search for the thread about The Ick

MolotovMocktail Sun 31-May-20 15:46:37

I feel that way about towards DH when under the influence of hormonal fluctuations (related to fertility treatment) and I like him again when they’re back to normal. Maybe it is just this? Perhaps your GP could help.

Immigrantsong Sun 31-May-20 15:50:16

Have you tried counselling? You can go on your own or try to go together. What about date nights? You mentioned your dedication to work. Relationships need the same dedication. You simply have to put some time and effort into getting to know him again and re discovering what you first liked about him.

sociallydistained Sun 31-May-20 16:02:54

I'm terrified of how I'm going to be because I literally wanted my loving amazing partner away from me the moment I get pre-menstual. I am mean to him sometimes because he irritates me so much but only at this time and he's so good about it but it's bloody awful. Fortunately it's only about 2 days of it a month! Poor bugger

madcatladyforever Sun 31-May-20 16:09:56

The beginning of the menopause is one of the hardest things to survive in a marriage because you hate everyone and everything.
HRT was a lifesaver for me.
Nobody tells you what is going on it just surprises you.
I think this is the wrong time to leave, you need to be settled and recognise what is going on. I remember loathing my husband at this time, I lost all the loving feelings I had for anyone and became hard and quite nasty.
You do get over it or there would be no warm, loving grandmas.
HRT literally saved my life...but not my marriage sadly.
I think it's important to be completely honest and tell him you're going through changes you cannot control and to be patient with you.

LondonCrone Sun 31-May-20 16:13:50

Hi OP, is there any chance of reevaluating your work? Being stressed at work can poison the rest of your life, and it can make the benefits of working hard meaningless because you lash out, destroying what you’ve built. We work to live, not the other way around. Just something to consider.

BlingLoving Sun 31-May-20 16:33:50

I think it's different for everyone, but I do think it's important to think carefully about when he irritates you and whether or not you're being fair or not. Because if you can honestly accept that in most cases your irritation is irrational, you can, over time, train yourself to find it less irritating. You can also train yourself to see one irritating thing as just the downside of 20 other positive things.

I think I'm starting to be peri menopausal and one of the key things I've noticed over the last year or so is that PMS symptoms are so much more noticeable and extreme. So I also try very hard to pay attention to that. It irritates me because I've spent the last 25 years being insulted at the suggestion that "it's that time of the month' but I have to acknowledge it's true. This month was almost amusing - I found myself slamming around the kitchen, irrationally angry and completely unable to understand why as no one had done a thing to irritate me. Then I looked at the date and realised.... Proving it literally has nothing to do with other people's behaviour.

Also, if you do decide you've behaved irrationally or unfairly at times, it's up to you to apologise and explain. Not make excuses, but explain why it's hard sometimes.

Obviously, if some of his behaviours really aren't okay, that's another conversation.

Windyatthebeach Sun 31-May-20 16:38:24

We have just had a crisis with a dc. Dh was everything I hoped he would be to get us through.
As always, easy to forget especially at this cv time to remember the bottom line and not the nit picking crap..
Cast your mind back to a rubbish time and think how was dh there for you /your family..

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