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Will anyone ever want me?

(18 Posts)
Smillar2020 Sun 31-May-20 08:02:51

I’m separated (soon to be divorced) with a nine month old baby who lives with me. Was married to a useless man for years. I’m still early 30s, goodish job, fairly attractive. I’m happy to be out of my relationship but have this awful feeling that no one will ever want me again. I’m worried that having a baby would put other men off too as my baby will always, always come first. I’m not looking to meet anyone right now but would be nice in the future and I’ve always wanted at least two DC.

OP’s posts: |
Shutupyoutart Sun 31-May-20 08:09:54

Hi op. It sounds like you are going through a hard time I'm sorry. If a man Is put off because you have a child then he isn't worth it anyway imo. I'm sure you will meet someone when the time is right for you sorry I know that sounds very cliche but it can and does happen. It's very raw for you at the moment and can understand how your feeling but Things will get better and I'm sure you will meet someone special. for now focus on you and your baby ❤️x

BitOfFun Sun 31-May-20 08:28:41

I thought the same when I was in my early thirties with two young children (one with SN). How wrong I was! I was so relieved, happy, and positive, having left a really dreadful relationship, that I was positively hot stuff and in quite high demand grin. Keep your standards high; don't accept crumbs from anybody's table just to avoid being alone. I'd give it at least twelve months before you start looking though- enjoy this time with your baby.

You have to be discriminating and careful, as a child is involved, but don't lose sight of the fact that you have a lot to offer the right partner.

Smillar2020 Sun 31-May-20 09:59:15

Thank you so much for some comforting and encouraging words. Definitely right about making sure I am not someone else’s leftovers. Hopefully over the years I will meet someone else who exceeds the man I was married to.

OP’s posts: |
Needtogetbackinthesack Sun 31-May-20 10:02:47

I've been separated for 10 months, going through a divorce. I have 2 young kids. I've just met someone amazing, to very early days yet but I can see it being a long term thing. He also has a kid.

I saw a post on here the other day where a woman had met a man with kids and everyone was saying to run like the wind - which I think is ridiculous. Part of what I like about new man is that he is so in love with his kid and is a brilliant father. People will think the same thing about you.

firstimemamma Sun 31-May-20 10:06:18

I know someone whose relationship ended while she was pregnant and when her child was 2 months old she met the man who is now her husband. They go great together and now have children of their own too. You just never know what's around the corner.

I'm sorry for your hard time and hope you have some good real life support thanks

Smillar2020 Sun 31-May-20 10:19:55

@Needtogetbackinthesack I saw that post too about running from a man with kids and I won’t lie, I cried myself to sleep that night. I hadn’t ever thought of it being a huge issue until I read that. I half thought it seemed extreme and untrue but everyone on the thread seemed to be in agreement about not wanting “excess baggage” or “damaged goods”. Made me feel like my baby would always be held against me. I’m glad that’s hopefully not going to be the case. I hope your new relationship is a happily ever after.

OP’s posts: |
Zaphodsotherhead Sun 31-May-20 13:35:01

Smillar - your baby won't be a baby forever, remember. Don't be in too much of a rush to meet someone, you're not going to go 'off' over night; take some time for you and your DC, to work out what you really want from life and learn to be happy alone.

You may not be dating someone 'with a baby', DC may be a toddler, or a school child before you feel ready to meet someone else.

Smillar2020 Sun 31-May-20 13:40:12

I’m in absolutely NO rush to meet anyone right now - in fact, I can’t think of anything much worse to be honest. I was just glad to read that there might be light at the end of the tunnel in what is currently an awful situation for me.

OP’s posts: |
BooFuckingHoo2 Sun 31-May-20 14:18:43

I remember the thread you’re talking about OP and I think the “don’t get involved” posts were aimed at people who didn’t yet have children themselves.

I’m sure there are plenty of single men with kids (and probably some without) who’d be more than happy to date you. If you’re adamant you want to date someone childless then it might be harder for you, but assuming that’s not the case you’ll have plenty of options!

Songsofexperience Sun 31-May-20 14:25:45

Hi OP, stay positive. I have 3 kids (youngest is 3) and am starting again at 40. It'll happen. Self confidence is very attractive. I'm sure there will be something good out there for you.

Windmillwhirl Sun 31-May-20 14:26:13

If a man Is put off because you have a child then he isn't worth it anyway imo.

A little harsh. Not everyone wants to be with someone with children. I have never dated men with children and wouldn't.

Bathbedandbeyond Sun 31-May-20 14:31:14

You will OP. I did. He’s a teacher and a amazing with DD, romantic, caring, funny and I’m having the best sex of my life grin

Needtogetbackinthesack Sun 31-May-20 15:51:12

@Smillar2020 I think that thread definitely attracted the most extreme viewpoints. At times of my life I wouldn't have wanted a man with kids, right now a man with kids seems perfect. Horses for courses. It's definitely not representative of everyone. Thank god!!

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel Sun 31-May-20 16:06:24

You'll meet someone but beware of the men that look for single women with children also those that just need a roof over their head. Another poster on here wrote something very good the other day , something like

" no man falls in love as quickly as one that needs a place to live "

Be very careful who you let into yours and your childs life. No cocklodgers!

Newnamechangenewstart2020 Mon 01-Jun-20 09:25:28

I'm in the same boat at you op, how old are you?
My ex showed no interest in me in a " partner " way, said no to more kids and after 10 years together still wouldn't put a ring on my finger even though he said he was only commited to me and wanted marriage and more kids etc xx
Ps enjoy your baby !! Mines almost 3 and it's gone way to fast !! Xxx

formerbabe Mon 01-Jun-20 09:28:26

Loads of men and women with children go on to have subsequent fact I'd say the majority do.

TirisfalPumpkin Mon 01-Jun-20 09:50:33

Well done for getting out of a bad relationship. Too many people settle, particularly when there are children involved.

I think it's easy to imagine when you're suddenly single in your 30s that that's it, and the 'damaged goods' social conditioning is strong. You're not goods, you're a strong and thoughtful human being doing right by her child. I hope things work out well for you.

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