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Any advice? Relationship and older kids

2 replies

Ijustneed · 30/05/2020 13:37

I divorced from my daughter's father 5 years ago and have been seeing someone else for a few years.

Currently dd is home from uni and my relationship is suffering due to lack of privacy and no time alone. Dp has his own flat and we're starting to spend more time there, but as dd has no friends nearby I don't like to leave her alone too much as she suffers with depression.

I'm trying to do the right thing for all of us and favouring my dd more I guess, but I'd really like to move on a little now she is an "adult" and have my own life. I've been raising children for over 30 years and would like my own life, just a bit.

Sex is almost out of the question at mine due to thin walls, small house. We don't feel comfortable cuddling in front of dd.

Obviously I'm doing everything I can to make sure dd is happy.

How do others handle this at this difficult time?

Of course we can wait and will until dd is back at uni. It's just we were looking forward to her going to uni and having a little time to ourselves. As it is, whilst she was at uni she made no friends and wanted me to drive to see her once a week, an hour each way. I did it because I hate the thought of her being unhappy. But at what point do we let her stand on her own two feet? Am I stopping her making friends, because I'm running to her when she asks me to?

Just looking for advice from anyone in a similar situation. Thanks.

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TigerDater · 30/05/2020 15:52

Have you discussed your concerns with your DD? You're doing nothing wrong in being in a relationship and really I think you should carry on with it as usual whether she is around or not, including sex. Don't rub her face in it, but sacrificing your relationship for your adult daughter is good for neither of you. If he stays at yours then that is better than her being left in her own for days on end.

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Ijustneed · 30/05/2020 16:53

I have discussed it and she says everything's fine, it's just I don't feel comfortable, able to relax, it's easier at his. I don't go there for longer than a few hours though, usually three hours early evening.