I'm finding it really hard to end my very long relationship.
Until recently, I have always put more effort into it and keeping relationship alive. I plan stuff etc He is often tired in the evenings, distracted by work at all hours, he won't discuss our sex life or what I'm interested in. I have tried. In fact we don't have one anymore.
I like him, love him even, he's a good dad. But I'm not happy and no longer fancy him. And he doesn't seem to care that I'm not happy. The more unhappy I am, the more effort he puts into childcare, or his work. I'm been very specific about what I want and he nods, then nothing shifts.
Thing is, he doesn't want to end it. I'm nearly 50 now so I'm less hopeful of meeting anyone. So I would be breaking up the family for what...? He wouldn't engage with improving relationship, now he refuses to engage with ending it. And is unpleasent to me in a passive way now I want to end, so he'll now 'make mistakes' or 'forget' stuff that is impacting, for instance, my working from home.
In public, everyone loves him, he looks sweet. I've always contributed to bigging him up, or speaking about him kindly. This suited him having the spotlight. But now, I hate socialising with him. He feels false publicly, I don't want to go along with it.
Lockdown has not been nice, he just assumed I'd do the childcare initially. But I'm aware I don't have much of a support network. My family background is abusive. And I've lost some close friends last few years. Friends I do speak to, don't want to know as they like him, and tell me I should be grateful. But I have interests and I'm used to relying on myself. We do get on, if I see he as a friend rather than a partner and don't have partner needs. I know I'd be the one condemned if we split, even though there's no affair. He is thriving, I am not, I've had health issues these last few years, getting worse.
I feel guilt alot so with kids, the guilt rises when I think about ending.
But I want to end, my energy is being diminished but it feels so hard with kids. And I'm really questioning myself!
Any support welcome.
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Relationships
He's married to job, I want out, need help
4 replies
artisanmarsbar · 29/05/2020 10:58
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