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Oh GOD- anybody up? (probably not) BF just divulged massive secret to me. I cant put into words how I feel.....

(8 Posts)
tiredemma Fri 21-Sep-07 02:28:01

Oh dear.

My very best friend in all the world ( I am pissed before you think im soppy twat)- has just told me ( and asked me to promise not to tell anyone else - but you lot are not 'real' so i can tell you) that for the past 9 months she has been having and affair.

Im shocked, saddened - horrified even that
1. she is having an affair
2. Nothing has been said

she made it clear tonight that she is unhappy at home ( married in 2004) - she cannot stand her husband anywhere near her ( sexually) although admits that otherwise they get along well- she is just not sexually attracted to him.

so for 9 months- has been sleeping with some bloke that we know from from years back.

Im very drunk so cannot get into the ins and outs of it without vfalling asleep but
1. she feels like a bitch ( I feel this also but stressed that it is so out of character for her
2. is so unhappy at home ( again- I appreciate this but I feel that her ( lovely, kind husband deserves more)

I feel sorry for her because she cried tonight and said she feels so confused and clearly she is- but I cannot see how she can decieve her hubby ( but then again- I am more than hapy in my relationship)

who am i too judge? i love her and want her to be happy.

no kids involved btw.

(do i have to wait until 8am before someone replies?)

MarsLady Fri 21-Sep-07 02:31:56

I'll reply to you tiredemma.

All you can do is be her best friend. No don't judge. It sounds like she knows all of that anyway. Continue to be the friend that she loves and trusts..............but that doesn't mean that you have to condone what's she done/doing.... but you do have to be sure to be a good friend iyswim!

Remember also.....we don't actually know what goes on behind closed doors and inside of other people's marriages. Not saying she's right........... but be there for your friend!

tiredemma Fri 21-Sep-07 02:43:11

Oh mars- thnak you- I said to her when she said " you are disgusted with me" I said- no, im not- I dont live your life - I am shocked- but not disgusted.

The only thing that really really bothers me is that her DH wants a baby and thinks that they are trying- not knowing that she has gone back on the pill so she doesnt get pregnant- I have difficulty with this more so than the 'affair'

VeniVidiVickiQV Fri 21-Sep-07 03:09:39

Good response Marslady.

I think I'd struggle to be as tactful as that. (Simply from the bits you have told me it seems like a cop-out). But I know much less about the situation than you, and you dont know an awful lot either.

As long as you are honest with her, dont 'cover' for her then thats all you can do really.

robinpud Fri 21-Sep-07 03:19:41

Been there, got the t shirt and 2 affairs later, we continue to be bf.
My line has always been to listen and to support without offering an opinion... in the same way she listens to my endless moaning about dh!
The only thing I have continually said is that I feel she deserves more than a bit of happiness, she deserves it all the time and that the affairs don't make her happy all the time.
As predicted the first one didn't leave his wife and the second one did but needed space.....

tiredemma Fri 21-Sep-07 07:41:55

I have woken up this morning hoping that it was all a dream - but of course it isnt.

Like you say- I dont have to agree with what she does ( I dont) and I can only be there for her.

I wont cover for her ( she already knows this) _ I feel sad in that she feels trapped in a marriage and is scared to leave for fear of disappointing people ( her parents really)_ the other man is certianly not someone that she would leave her husband for (its just sex)

Oh dear- I wish she never told me.

MarsLady Fri 21-Sep-07 08:08:45

I know it's blimming hard when people tell us things like this..... but you are her best friend.

Sorry not to respond again last night. Was running on empty the first time and went to bed!

tiredemma Fri 21-Sep-07 08:30:46

Its ok- I passed out anyway!

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