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Unreasonable behaviour

(29 Posts)
LindyLA Wed 27-May-20 23:56:16

Can anyone explain what the is wrong with my DP? We’ve been together 2 and half years and love him to bits etc but there’s one thing we fight about and it’s always him putting my 2 DDs down. They’re older 21 and 24 and live with me at home and he has his place with his 9 year old son he has shared custody of. My girls aren’t close to him and we all keep things apart which is hard for me. He seems to get jealous if i mention them and it really bugs me so badly we end up arguing. He literally puts them down to my face and it makes me hate him so much. Why does he do it? It’s like because they’re not friendly towards him, he takes offence and is nasty about them . For instance , my eldest got her final uni grade today 2.1 and i was so pleased and i told him and all he said was what’s the point , she needs to get to work (even though she has a job lined up with the police) He can’t understand my love for them and it’s always about his son . Just because mine are older, he thinks you just let them go and forget them and because they still live with me etc he thinks i mollycoddle them etc. We get on so well other than when anything comes up about my girls .

OP’s posts: |
Plumplumbadum Thu 28-May-20 10:36:47

You mean you get on so well when it's all about him?
I honestly don't know how you can love someone who has such a spiteful attitude towards the most important people in your life.

thethoughtfox Thu 28-May-20 10:57:48

Why are you still with him?

billy1966 Thu 28-May-20 11:10:13

How can you love him to bits, someone who is such a nasty prick about your daughters?

Seems like your daughter's are perhaps a better judge of character than you are.

Give your head a bit of a wobble and maybe grow up a bit.

Apologies if I'm harsh but he's showing you clearly that he's not nice.

Don't be surprised if your daughter's have lost a lot of respect for you and become distant.

The first time he spoke badly about your children, should of been the time you made it very clear that it was a deal breaker.

Where is your loyalty to your children?hmmconfused

achillesratty Thu 28-May-20 11:13:49

What is wrong with your "DP" is he's a cunt. If someone tried that with my children he would be out of the door before he finished the sentence. Where are your standards?

MyOwnSummer Thu 28-May-20 11:14:11

Christ OP, what a charmer. Of course your daughters will take time to fully accept a new man in your life. What does he expect?

He is a rude, nasty man - mean spirited and probably insecure about his own lack of academic achievement. Congratulations to your daughter, a 2:1 is a fantastic achievement as is obtaining a good job with the police.

"What's the point?" - fuck off you wanker. How about be happy that this young woman has worked hard and achieved something good in her life.

bigchris Thu 28-May-20 11:16:23

You love him to bits but he says things that make you hate him so much

Think about their weddings , Christmases, when you are a grandparent who will be where ?

Sounds a miserable life

LindyLA Thu 28-May-20 13:27:55

I completely know exactly what you’re all saying and never in a million years would i put him before my girls. That’s why I kick off when he says things . I know what I need to do. It’s a shame isn’t it, when you think you’ve found someone you love after 12 years of being on my own bringing up my lovely girls, this happens . Why are men so disappointing ? My ex husband was too.

OP’s posts: |
Bluntness100 Thu 28-May-20 13:30:12

I couldn’t be with a man who didn’t treat my daughter correct. The first sign of it and I’d be gone. It would be the last sign of it.

You say you’re not putting him befor your kids. But by being with a man who is so disrespectful to them that’s exactly what your doing.

Aquamarine1029 Thu 28-May-20 13:33:22

I can't understand how this relationship has lasted so long that you're actually writing a post about it. You should have dumped him ages ago.

Thelnebriati Thu 28-May-20 13:51:17

Does he get 'jealous' over anything else - pets, hobbies or friends? Its a red flag for controlling behaviour.

HopeYouStepOnALego Thu 28-May-20 13:52:13

I'm sorry that you've had two losers in your life OP. Don't settle for this and don't give up looking. There will be someone out there who will treat you and your family with the respect you deserve. You just need to weed out the dregs before you find them.

CodenameVillanelle Thu 28-May-20 13:54:05

How can you love someone who is horrible to your children??? Doesn't matter that they are adults. You know what to do - get a backbone and do it.

Whatisthisfuckery Thu 28-May-20 13:59:25

Nah OP, fuck that. He’s a prick.

I actually just ended a relationship over something very similar. My ex was being really unpleasant to my DS for no reason. If he’d been giving her lip I would have told him off myself but he wasn’t, she was just being an arse to him because she was upset about other things. She’d also go off in a mega strop if I so much as had a conversation with him that she didn’t want to join in with.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. They either treat everyone in the house with respect or they do one. I’m not having someone make my son feel unhappy and unwelcome in his own home and neither should you.

NoMoreDickheads Thu 28-May-20 14:07:54

It's not nice and he shouldn't do it.

But I think I would be upset if people didn't make an effort with me (as they haven't with him) too TBH. It seems like he is responding to how they have acted towards him.

But I suppose he is older and he should be the better person.

NoMoreDickheads Thu 28-May-20 14:08:48

Have they expressed any reason to you why they openly dislike him?

hellsbellsmelons Thu 28-May-20 14:19:01

it makes me hate him so much
So dump him.
I wouldn't put up with anyone that was horrible about my DD.
And she's 22!!
Not a nice person.
Let him know exactly why he is dumped as well.
It's a insult to your DD and your parenting of them!
He could get to fuck!

Bananalanacake Thu 28-May-20 16:33:19

It's good you don't live with him.

Fidgety31 Thu 28-May-20 16:59:49

I see it from the other view too though .
If the girls are rude and don’t acknowledge him etc then he’s not gonna be that nice to them either ?
They are adults and should have some respect for their mums boyfriend .

I have a similar issue with my boyfriends adult daughter . She is rude and will not even say hello to me - for no reason whatsoever .
It doesn’t endear me to liking her very much tbh .

OlivejuiceU2 Thu 28-May-20 17:18:42

Don’t stay with him. My DMs second husband didn’t like us either and it did years of damage to our relationship. Thankfully also resolved now but trust me your DDs will know he doesn’t like them and will be upsetting for them if you choose to stay with him.

highmarkingsnowbile Thu 28-May-20 17:21:46

Dear god, so you hang onto this total prick because you're afraid to be single? This guy's a tosspot. He denigrates your kids because he's an immature, insecure, self-absorbed cunt. No one is worth that. You don't live together, thankfully, get rid of him.

Thubten Thu 28-May-20 17:25:40

Congratulations to your daughter on her brilliant result!!!!
Dump the a-hole

copperoliver Thu 28-May-20 17:38:01

Why do you want to be with someone who is so mean.
Forget about him and find someone who will be nice to you and your adult children. X

Mama05 Thu 28-May-20 18:34:42

Defo get shut of of him. If someone was so nasty to my son like that I’d be telling him to fuck off and don’t come back.

He’s jealous he isn’t getting all your attention

Your girls will know this and if you stay with him will know you chose a nasty bully over them.

funnylittlefloozie Thu 28-May-20 18:37:58

How would he react if you said anything about his son?

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