Since lockdown things have gone very south very fast for my Bf (boyfriend). He lost his job so has no money and due to a complicated a completely unforseen (and not his fault) set of circumstances has now lost his transport so he is really stuck. He moved back in with his mum a few weeks ago as I am on NMW and furloughed and I just can’t afford to feed and support both of us on the pittance that I’m getting. It’s a struggle for both of us.
He has now sunk into a deep depression as we live quite rurally and there is no transport so he really is stuck in the middle of nowhere with no ability to even look for or get to another job if he could find one.
I know the feeling. Last year I was in a similar position and I managed, with the support of my parents and friends, to claw myself out of it. He is not, he is just sitting at home and wallowing in misery, talking about killing himself. It’s so hard to hear and I don’t know how to help. I can’t give him any financial aid and every suggestion I make tends to get brushed off with an excuse as to why he can’t do that. I know that when I was at rock bottom I desperately needed people to support me and help me while I fixed things and sorted myself out. It was incredibly hard at times and I’m not sure I could have done it without help.
But I’m getting very frustrated. He doesn’t want to go out and go for walks to get some fresh air which is about all we can do together at the moment. His sleep pattern is virtually non existant because he has no reason to get up in the morning anymore so he sleeps all day and is up all night. This is not conducive to anything healthy or positive. I don’t know how much I can continue to try and help him if he refuses to take any steps to help himself. I know how hard it is being depressed, I really, really do. I have been there myself. I also know that burying your head in the sand and doing nothing will not improve the situation, things won’t just magically fix themselves if you do nothing. How much can I or should I be trying? If I walk away from him I’ll feel like a callous, heartless bitch abandoning him in his time of need. But at the moment I am not getting anything out of this relationship and I have my own problems, which are vast and I cannot devote time and energy in trying to heal myself when I’m so focussed on what he is doing or feeling. He hasn’t even spoken to me in days.
I feel so guilty and selfish but what more can I do? The only things I can think to do are either:
- Step it up a notch. Go to his house and be really insistent. Make him get up, shower, and get out of the house, whatever I can do.
- Withdraw completely and let him get on with it himself.
I don’t think 1 will work. I am not a pushy enough person and even his mum can’t seem to do that for him. But 2 feels so awful. Is there another way?