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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Relationships

I need help...

16 replies

piperm · 27/05/2020 02:42

I don't know what to do.. I'm a teen mom, my beautiful son is 4 months
The fathers involved
The father and I have been together 2+ years.
When we first met.. after a couple months we got into a really big fight and I'm ashamed to admit I slapped him- i felt genuinely awful and cried apologizing constantly for days because I genuinely did regret it immediately as I've never hit anyone.
After that..we started arguing more and he became verbally and physically abusive..it got to the point where he would take me into a place nobody could see and choke me.
Then a big fight at school broke out- i was pregnant and I shoved him away from me because i was scared and teachers got involved .. he chose my best friend over me then decided to come back, I love him so i took him back but he made me work for it, every day i had to beg. If we fought he'd pull out a ring or something and say "i was going to give u this today but f u" and chuck it
He bought me a beautiful heart necklace but a few months later ripped it off my neck and smashed it to pieces because he was mad at me, and had to "teach me a lesson"
When i was pregnant at first we fought and he squeezed my stomach.
After it stopped, he went in anger management, over the summer
And became a new man, no arguing or anything and when our son was born everything was perfect- but lately we've been arguing- he calls me names and makes me feel like shit, I always am the one crying and if i step up he hurts himself because he knows i care about him. I threaten to call his parents or cops or try he runs- he's extremely fast, unbelievably. But after everything he always apologizes..
The other day he was over for a couple days and on the last day we fought and he was rough picking up our son, i stood up and got mad at him and he pushed me back bu the neck- he gave me our son and I curled up around my baby crying, protecting him, out of anger my bf threw his vape at me, it bruised and turned black and green (i have picture proof) , I screamed at him calling him a monster and just like his father, he broke down crying suddenly apologizing, I know something is mentally wrong with him and he needs help, his father hung himself. I love him to much to turn him in because I know he'll attempt something that will either hurt him or someone else- he's to smart.. someone please help i don't know what to do- I don't know how much more i can handle but I know I can't leave my son alone- it's so hard and I feel worthless despite knowing how much I'm worth..

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piperm · 27/05/2020 02:43

This is just a little bit... so much more so bad please help..

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PulyaSochsup · 27/05/2020 02:55

I know you don’t want to call the police but I think you have to. Not only are you hurting but your baby will be anxious and afraid. This doesn’t bode well for the future. You are a young parent and you need support. Could you go back to your parents?
This man is dangerous, for you and your baby, you cannot live like this. Please. Call the police now.

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Ipadipod · 27/05/2020 02:59

How old are you Op ? You mentioned being at school, do you live with your parents? You must tell someone in real life and call the police.

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ElizabethMainwaring · 27/05/2020 03:08

Are you in the US op?
You need to give us more information on your circumstances so that we can try to help you. You need to talk to someone in real life like the other posters have said.

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piperm · 27/05/2020 04:19

I'm 16, I currently live with my grandma but I'm moving back with my parents.. canada, I'm really scared..I love him and I thought I could change him..he doesn't live with or near me and he isn't able to visit for a long time , 40 minute drive., I'm safe physically so is my son right now..

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piperm · 27/05/2020 04:26

@PulyaSochsup @Ipadipod @ElizabethMainwaring

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Paperchainpopp · 27/05/2020 05:16

You need to leave him. Think of your child do you want your child to grow up around arguments and violence. Can you speak to an aunt of somebody in your family for support?

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ElizabethMainwaring · 27/05/2020 06:50

@piperm
Well, it sounds like you and your son are safe now.
You say that you are scared, but I don't think that you need to be.
Don't be tempted to contact him.
It's great that you have your family around you.
You will feel better soon.

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pilates · 27/05/2020 07:01

I’m presuming you are in America.

You are in a toxic relationship and you need to get some help. Log with police. Can they put you in touch with a domestic violence organisation to protect you and your baby.?

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ElizabethMainwaring · 27/05/2020 07:20

@pilates
rtft. She's in Canada. Doesn't live with him. He cannot visit her. She lives with her grandparents. Is moving back with mom soon.

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piperm · 27/05/2020 13:01

He has my parents number and my grandmothers, i messed up in past and he blackmails me, he threatens to tell and show them everything after the years.
I can't just block him and pretend he doesn't exist.. I tried blocking him on their phones it won't work

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FlissMumsnet · 27/05/2020 19:59

Hi there piperm,

We're so sorry to hear you're going through this.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Domestic Violence page

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ Flowers

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WitchSharkadder · 27/05/2020 20:16

You need to leave him to protect yourself and your baby. Now. I know you think you love him, I know you think that, somewhere down the line, there'll be a switch that will change him and make him nicer, calmer, not abusive to you. I know you think he loves you and that his anger is because of other reasons.

None of these things are true.

When I was 16, I was in a relationship with a boy. It started out brilliantly and I was completely in love with him. Things soured slowly. First it was petty arguments, then he started commenting on my clothes, saying they were too revealing and that I should dress more modestly. Then he started separating me from family and friends. Alongside all of this, the arguments got bigger, I was a slag, a slut, a bitch. He started hurting me, little shoves at first, then bigger pushes onto the bed. Then harder into a door or a wall. Then he started kicking me, punching me, choking me.

In the midst of all of this, I got pregnant and had my son. One day, while I had my baby in my arms my partner held a knife to my throat. It was at that moment I woke up. I realised that he wouldn't change, he didn't love me. He wanted to control me and abuse me and that my beautiful baby would grow up thinking that this was normal, or worse, be abused by this bully himself. I calmed down, got the knife away from me and boded my time until he went out to buy cigarettes. As soon as he left I grabbed nappies and ran. I never looked back.

Almost twenty years later, I am married to a man who loves me. Yes, we've had the odd disagreement over the years but I can honestly say he has never hurt me, never swore at me or called me horrible names. We have more children together and he loves my first one like his own. I have never seen my ex since the day I left but I have heard that he's been in and out of prison and badly abused other women.

They don't change. It is your duty to protect your son and you must. You will find happiness one day with a man who loves and deserves you, a man who respects you and wouldn't dream of hurting you.

Please, please take what I've said on board and get out of there. Call the police, family, friends, women's aid and anyone else you can think of to help but do not let this man ruin your life.

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WhatASadLittleLifeJane · 27/05/2020 20:26

Sweetheart please call the police. You're being abused.

Your child will grow up thinking that is how you treat women.

No amount of love can fix him, you will suffer for years and nothing will change.

Please call the police

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Itsbeforepartb · 27/05/2020 23:34

Hi OP, I'm sorry this is happening to you, and I understand how terrifying it must be. But I think you should do two things immediately:

  1. Stop thinking of this as a relationship, or him as someone you love. This is not what a relationship should look like, and it's not what love looks like. Reframe it in your head now - you need to see it solely as a problem or obstacle from now on.


  1. If you haven't already, you need to tell your grandma/parents everything that has happened/is happening. It will be awkward and embarrassing and uncomfortable, but you need their support and they need to be fully informed to be able to help you.
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piperm · 27/05/2020 23:55

My biological father was abusive to my mother
My step father is verbally abusive sometimes to her...

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