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Anyone else think they will stay single or have stayed single?

(26 Posts)
wenhen11 Tue 26-May-20 21:35:29

I ak really starting to think that it's something i would prefer. All of my relationships to date have been emotionally abusive in some way. During my last one i attempted suicide twice and was diagnosed as having PTSD. I have only ever dated men but knew as a teenager that i was a lesbian which made me feel even more miserable in relationships.

I can't have kids (I have endometriosis) and am late 30's so I'm at the point where i feel i have given up on love. Sometimes i dream of a loving and caring relationship with a woman (i love older women) but have doubts it will happen.

Has anyone remained single through choice or just through too many bad experiences?

OP’s posts: |
NC2031 Tue 26-May-20 21:47:25

I stayed single for 8 years through my own choice. This was after a string of horrible relationships. Then met my ex, together for year who also turned out to be a complete nob! Swore then that would be it for me. Fast forward to starting a new job and meeting a really nice guy, neither of us were looking for it, it just happened. Fell in love, planning on moving in and getting married.

I think its true what they say. Love finds you when you least expect it.

In your case, stay on your own till you feel ready but I wouldnt give up just yet, you never know whats around the corner

Ceriane Thu 28-May-20 20:17:00

I have been single for a LONG time. I’m in my 30’s and have always known I’m bi. Although not really out about it. I’ve had feelings towards all kinds of people but never felt completely right as in this is definitely my future partner for life. You are still young, and you may well still meet the right girl. Maybe you have been trying to be straight for so long.

ScotchBonnits Thu 28-May-20 20:40:45

I'm in my 30's and think I'll stay single. A lot of bad experiences with relationships and it's just easier not to bother with them. I'm going to focus on volunteering, work, friends and family. I'm very sociable and don't really feel like I need anyone else. Also love having my own bed!

@Ceriane I'm bi too and not really out either. Well I've told a few very close friends actually, but none of my family. I've always figured I would tell them if I ever have a relationship with a woman. I'm starting to feel really deep guilt about carrying this secret around though. Do you ever feel like that?

hennebry Thu 28-May-20 20:41:35

I'm in my 50s and have pretty much been single for 20 years. Every time I date and start to develop feelings it turns me into an emotional wreck. I've decided I'm much calmer and happier when single. An occasional no strings fling every now and then would be nice though.

Ceriane Thu 28-May-20 20:52:12

Scotchbonnit I can really relate to everything you have said. Feel like it’s just me who is like this sometimes though! Love having my own bed and starfishing!

Mama05 Thu 28-May-20 20:54:58

I’ve just recently come out of a long term abusive relationship and although I’m not looking for anything right now, I do have some hope that I’ll meet someone one day

ScotchBonnits Thu 28-May-20 21:00:32

@Ceriane Twinning!

dalrympy Thu 28-May-20 21:02:53

I'm in my forties (just) and I've been single for 6 years. I can't even face the thought.

I'm very much into men though - it's not to do with my sexuality I don't think.

sugarlost Thu 28-May-20 21:10:29

My relationships have been a disappointment and I feel happier alone then in a bad relationship.

I really like have my own bed too and not worrying about waking someone up at night or being pestered for sex every night which isn't a good sign for various reasons.

I like my own space and think I would be happier living in a spacious property if I lived with someone.

sugarlost Thu 28-May-20 21:11:50

FWB would be great.

Redyellowpink Thu 28-May-20 21:58:15

Another log time bisexual single here. I've mostly had relationships with men and they've sucked, same as PP said, I turn into a nervous wreck, I find it hard to get close or they have been abusive twats.

I'd love to meet a woman, I had a great relationship with a woman in my early 20s. I think I'm a bit nervous about it now though...I feel like so much of my sexuality has been hi-jacked by men and what men want I wouldn't know how to 'be' with a woman

Bookaholic73 Thu 28-May-20 21:59:10

I spent 15 years single for a similar reason.

NoMoreDickheads Thu 28-May-20 22:57:56

IDK about single forever, but I'm in no hurry to find anyone new, am not looking and and am enjoying the freedom from any demands etc.

I'm bi but have little experience and no confidence with women. I did have a girlfriend for a few weeks last year and she didn't mind that I didn't know what I was doing at first- she showed me what worked for her.

I wasn't attracted to her personally unfortunately, but think I'll probably meet someone eventually.

The right woman won't mind that we don't know what we're doing.

Gwenhwyfar Thu 28-May-20 23:00:50

"Fast forward to starting a new job and meeting a really nice guy, neither of us were looking for it, it just happened. Fell in love, planning on moving in and getting married."

One of the reasons why we shouldn't let this crisis be an excuse for some employers to not bother having an office and force us all to work from home.

category12 Thu 28-May-20 23:08:41

I have a boyfriend, but I've no intention of ever living with a man again, or certainly not while the dc are still at home. Probably ever.

Blokes just take over, or seem to with me, and I don't want to lose my space and autonomy, and I don't trust myself not to make the same mistakes again.

Aprilbaby2020 Fri 29-May-20 07:59:06

I think I’ll stay single for the foreseeable. My DDs father has totally scared me away from any relationship. I can’t be dealing with another man child projecting their shit on me. To be honest, I think until my DD is a teen I don’t want to introduce any men to her I just want to focus my time and energy in to raising her and focusing on my own personal goals.
Relationships can be great but I don’t want to risk another bad one as it’s just so much easier to be alone and happy!

hellsbellsmelons Fri 29-May-20 09:37:00

50+ and will remain single. Single for 2 years now.
Far happier without a man in my life.
I've been lied to screwed over too many times now.
I can't imagine wanting to share my home or full life with a man ever again.
Don't mind a bit of sex every now and then but that's it for me.

yesterdaystotalsteps123 Fri 29-May-20 09:52:42

I am choosing to be single until my children grow up. I will re-evaluate then but right now I can't see how a relationship with a man will enhance my life. I'm so happy being single in lockdown, my children, friends, family, work all enhance my happiness

SpoutHandleLidOfMetal Fri 29-May-20 12:59:36

I'm in my early 40s and have been single for years. After a particularly damaging relationship, I realised I am much, much happier single. Life is easy, and I find myself able to cope with 'normal' life stresses such as money etc much better, as I'm not investing any energy into people who don't deserve it now. My friends and family are my absolute world, and they all bring positivity to my life, whereas I look back at my relationships with men and realise they were all takers. I miss sex, but that's all I miss! I wish I had felt this way in my 20s as it would have saved me a whole lot of time and hassle! You live and learn grin

Whatsthishappyhorseshit Fri 29-May-20 13:06:21

I divorced 2 years ago after 27 years of marriage. I'm 53 now and I've realised I'm not made for marriage or cohabiting. I love having my own flat and pleasing myself. I don't want anyone in my space, my adult children visit and I'm happy with that. As I've got older I have realised that time alone is vital and making my own choices is too. I don't think I'll ever have a relationship with a man again. My marriage was abusive and the men I've been out with since just want sex. I'd like to meet a woman too. It's a side to myself I should have explored before rushing to get married, just hope it's not too late for me!
That said, I'm not bothered if I'm single for the rest of my life. As a PP says; friends, family, work, these all enhance happiness.

Oopsiedaisyy Fri 29-May-20 14:50:50

This thread made me realise that I don't want to live full time with another man for a long while.

I have half time custody of my two DC, and while I'm seeing someone and would like to see a bit more of him, I don't want to live with someone again. I'm enjoying living by myself for the first time ever in my life.

nibdedibble Fri 29-May-20 14:57:33

This reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend recently. We're both in long term relationships but agreed that if anything happened to change that, the idea of going into another relationship with a man is so unappealing. Such hard work. Too many risks. Happy with ourselves.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace Fri 29-May-20 15:19:00

I'm 53 and have been single for .... oooh, around 12 years. I love my life as it is and think it unlikely that I'll enter into a 'conventional' (for want of a better word) relationship again. However, I reserve the right to change my mind: never say never and all that.

I like men — well the odd good one anyway — and plan to carry on with my casual type arrangements. It's a good way of life for me smile

Oopsiedaisyy Fri 29-May-20 15:41:33

I do love sex lol

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