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Called the police

(380 Posts)
FGTV Tue 26-May-20 20:37:14

DH gets angry when we don’t have enough sex. We have had many, many arguments about this where I get told “I need to change” and “if I loved him I would want to have sex with him”. I get accused of cheating on him and called a slag, with him bringing up previous partners before we met.
(We do have sex regularly but if it goes more than 4-5 days or I am on my period and don’t pleasure him then he gets angry because he says he’s sexually frustrated)

These arguments are usually him ranting at me at night, where he will switch on all the lights and not let me sleep. He has also previously hidden my car keys so I won’t be able to go to work, only giving them back when I apologise and ultimately have sex with him.

Last night it happened again and he was becoming really threatening, saying he’d set an alarm for 1 hour and if I hadn’t changed then there would be consequences. He told me to text anyone I love while I’ve still got the chance. He was really agitated and his behaviour was worse than I’d ever seen and I got scared and ran out of the house and locked myself in my car and called 999.

He came out to the car and had completely changed, saying he didn’t understand why I was so upset, I knew he would never hurt me, I’ve misunderstood, he’s gutted I called the police, why can’t we talk, etc.

When the police arrived, he was calm and polite. They spoke to me in another room and I told them what happened and they said if I was scared again then to call them straight back and then they left.

Since then it’s all completely normal, he is being Mr nice, keeps saying how he loves me and he’s going to try to speak to someone to sort out his anger and wants us to go to marriage counselling.

I don’t even know where to go from here, will this even get any better? or be like all the other times when it’s fine for a few weeks then back to him ranting at me again. Maybe this is the wake up call?

No one else knows as it’s just too humiliating to admit that i called the police on my own husband, also beginning to question whether it was actually as bad as I thought and maybe I overreacted?

OP’s posts: |
Teacaketotty Tue 26-May-20 20:39:36

I’m so sorry this is happening to you.

Please know you did the right thing, this is abuse and you really need to get out of this situation. Nobody should ever make you feel like you have to have sex or afraid in your own home - especially your DH.

OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe Tue 26-May-20 20:41:40

No, you need to leave & quickly.
This man will hurt you. Do you have somewhere to go?

763freedom Tue 26-May-20 20:44:53

This is awful. Why are you staying?

OneNewName Tue 26-May-20 20:46:28

This sounds bad OP. Is it always consensual?

Mumoftwo1973 Tue 26-May-20 20:46:37

Wtf. What an absolute loon.
I'd been gone ASAP

DahliaDay Tue 26-May-20 20:47:41

This is him showing his true colours op

I’ve been in a similiar situation and got out as soon as I could

Do you have kids?

Madratlady Tue 26-May-20 20:47:56

OneNewName It’s not consensual if it’s under the threat of not being allowed to sleep or have car keys or whatever. That’s rape.

wewereliars Tue 26-May-20 20:49:39

please leave, this will never get better , he is abusing you. He has issues that you cannot solve.

Fairycake2 Tue 26-May-20 20:50:59

Please leave. He is a complete wanker and it will not get better. It sounds like he could hurt you and he's definitely being mentally abusive. Go as soon as you can and dont look back. Good luck x

Dk20 Tue 26-May-20 20:51:05

Agree with PP, you cant trust him and should leave, hes just trying to lure you back in.

FGTV Tue 26-May-20 20:51:52

I don't feel unsafe or scared now.
He is being very nice to me.
I have not felt unsafe before, it's just him ranting and being horrible but then it blows over and he's fine for a while.
We have been together for 14 years and have 3 kids so it's not as easy as just leaving?!
Where would I even go?!

OP’s posts: |
CodenameVillanelle Tue 26-May-20 20:53:10

No it won't get better
The police should have arrested him. Please phone women's aid for advice.

DahliaDay Tue 26-May-20 20:53:36

He needs to go, not you

And he’s being nice because he knows he’s gone too far

He will just up the pressure further next time

Itsallgonewoowoo Tue 26-May-20 20:54:55

I don't normally leap in with a LTB but this is serious, he is a threat to you, get out. None of his behaviour is reasonable and it's escalating and he is threatening.

Elieza Tue 26-May-20 20:54:56

Do you still want to be with him? Or would now be a good time to consider leaving?

It’s taken the police to make him see that what he was doing was wrong. You did well to call them.
He’s horrible and disrespectful.
He just uses you as a warm receptacle for his dick rather than a person with thoughts and feelings if their own.

There’s more to life than that.

Have a think and see what you want. Do you work, is there anywhere you can go, current house rented (In joint names?) or bought. If you’ve been together a long time it can be difficult but the way you’ve been treated is disgusting and I doubt he will behave himself for long.

wizzywig Tue 26-May-20 20:56:33

That is horrendous op! Im so glad you told the police what he did. Please please start making secret plans to leave.

dublingirl66 Tue 26-May-20 20:56:31

Oh my fcking god I could have wrote this

And then being all normal afterwards?? Wtf

You must go

Like now
Or latest tomorrow
Do not tell him

This is pretty horrendous

Iv been through similar and this shocked me 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢👍🏻👍🏻

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Tue 26-May-20 20:57:20

That is truly awful behaviour. The minute the police got there he turned all nicey nicey, which just shows he is perfectly capable of controlling his anger. (which is reserved especially for you, by the way)

legalseagull Tue 26-May-20 20:57:36

I'm sorry OP but you're husband is a rapist. You need to leave him. I know it's hard but he can't treat you like a sex toy to be used

RhymesWithOrange Tue 26-May-20 20:59:14

I'm so sorry OP. Do you have a a mum or a sister or a RL friend you can confide in?

He's been coercing you into sex for your whole relationship.

DahliaDay Tue 26-May-20 20:59:35

With 3 dc I would get him to go

This is serious...... text your loved ones ffs! Do you have family? I think he knew you wouldn’t do it ( too embarrassing for you) but calling the police has shocked him..... for now he’s licking his wounds and planning

You won’t be having sex with him again I’m sure, so he will escalate the pressure

Gabrielknight Tue 26-May-20 20:59:37

This isn't normal!!!! No man should ever treat a woman like this. Ltb

wewereliars Tue 26-May-20 21:00:30

so where are the children when he is demanding sex? you really need to get out. I have been through something similar, I thought staying for the children was right. It was not. Last year my son was talking of suicide, he is 17, and the main reason I thought I should stay. After realising what the atmosphere was doing to him and my daughter I went to court and got an occupation and non molestation order, on the basis of risk of harm to the children . I never thought I could do this but I did. You cannot live like this and neither can your children

CheshireCats Tue 26-May-20 21:01:18

Leave him. This is horrific - not just this latest incident, but all of the others too. He is an abuser of the vilest kind.

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