I ended a very unhappy long term relationship last year after 18months of personal counselling and many attempts to get him to help me fix the relationship. There was no drama in the end, i just couldnt do it anymore and although we were both very sad it was mutally agreed that in the long run it was for the best.
In amongst this I was close to a male colleague which intensified after the breakdown of my relationship and we became more than friends. In an ideal world i would have waited longer before starting anything new but it just felt right and a lot of what i had been missing in my previous relationship all seemed to click into place. One year later we are still very much together and feel exactly as we did to begin with. I feel like me and happy for the first time in my life and want to enjoy that!
However a friend of mine who has for the past ten years been an almost mother figure to me has been progressively ‘weird’ with me since i ended my last relationship. She repeatedly said how she felt sorry for my ex as i had instigated the breakup and that she could relate to him from her experiences getting divorced. This had upset me at the time as i didnt feel very supported by her, particularly as there had been no foul play on either side so i thought it was weird she was ‘taking sides’. She was the first person i told about my current boyfriend and i was nervous initially as i thought she would think it was too soon. Her reaction was very extreme and she was very upset but wouldnt explain to me why other than it had triggered some old feelings from her marriage breakdown. I still dont understand why this is. I have tried to ignore the fact that she never wants to know anything about my relationship and actively ignores comments made by other people about us as a couple. However recently it has been bothering me more so I asked her what was going on. She said nothing but brought up something minor from 4 months ago which in my opinion was her simply misreading a situation.
She wont tell me the real issue and at this point I feel so hurt by her that I dont think it matters what the issue is. I just think its just a huge shame that for whatever reason she cant seem to be happy for me. Some people have suggested that maybe she had a crush on my boyfriend but i dont think that is the case. I just dont know if its possible to continue the friendship if i have to seperate a huge section of my life from her. She once asked if i had told him i loved him. I said yes and her response was “Well there’s a big difference between loving someone and being IN love with them”. I just son’t know how to move forward with her now.
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Jealous friend?
Eggboxesallaround · 26/05/2020 19:10
What was the situation with the dissolution of your friend's marriage? Did he cheat on her or find somebody else very soon after it ended? If that's the case, she could be projecting her feelings about that on to your circumstances now.
Obviously that's not a good thing to do - but you said she's been almost a mother figure to you so I'm guessing that means she has seen you through some real hardships, and so maybe it's a good idea to ask her candidly about this and try to salvage your friendship.
If you feel the friendship is heading south anyway then you have nothing to lose by bringing up more difficult topics.
My guess (as a complete stranger with only your description to guide me) is that she thinks you have somehow betrayed your ex the way her husband betrayed her, and judges you for that even though she might not even realise that's how she feels. Obviously what he did iwould be nothing like what you did, but you might need to outwardly discuss all that in order to fix it.
I think it's worth one last push to get her to talk to you openly 
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