I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and looking at my life.
Before I met my husband and entered what has been 13 years of domestic abuse which accumulated in mental death and breakdown and PTSD I was a textile designer. I got my masters a few months before meeting him. My Imagination and therefore my career disappeared the longer I was with him. I guess imagination is not needed when in survival mode. It was 8 years before I picked up my pen to draw, that was a couple of months ago. I didn’t feel the same feelings as I used to about drawing. I’m a completely different person now and it felt insignificant.
Instead of getting upset at yet another thing I’ve lost because of him I wanted to use it as something positive. I’m getting a little bored of myself and my personal worries all the time. I’m so much stronger then when I met him. I was a lost little lamb with him. On paper intelligent but emotionally very immature.
I’ve feel so incredibly indebted to people who have helped me. Especially my IDVA, I’m just a complete stranger to her but she helped me. I feel the need to put my experience into some use, something positive. Drawing is not enough for me now. A kind of revenge but not a unhelpful revenge. There are not enough people out there who help others. If I didn’t have the support I had I would not be here.
I have been thinking of the reasons I got into that abusive relationship. My mum was very emotionally unavailable and I believe this created my immaturity. My mums father was abusive so created her emotional emptiness. It stems from when you are little. I want to re-train into something in this field. Maybe social services or something. I feel I have experience that could be useful.
I’m 37 tho and not sure if it too late or not a good idea. Has anyone ever done this? Do you think I could have a positive impact?
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Re-training after Domestic Abuse and whether I could use my experience to help others?
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Fightingback16 · 26/05/2020 12:20
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