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Dating dilemma

(10 Posts)
Jumpinginwithbothfeet Tue 26-May-20 08:07:01

I really need some other perspectives on what to do please! I have FWB whom I really like, we have fun and we get on really well - same interests, good banter etc. He doesn't want any kind of relationship with anyone at the moment and i have accepted this and we just enjoy what it is.
Anyway I decided I did want a relationship at some point so joined OLD and started talking to a guy. He seems like a nice guy and wants to get to know me better but I dont know what to do. On paper he seems lovely but there is no banter no exciting chat etc and I'm not sure if I'm just comparing him to FWB and being unfair or if there should be some kind of spark and excitement in wanting to get to know him better.
Do I carry on or leave it?

OP’s posts: |
therona Tue 26-May-20 08:09:17

You need banter. Plenty more out there, next!

AnduinsGirl Tue 26-May-20 08:11:00

Flirty chat and a "spark" are really important at the start, IMO, and I kind of feel that you're never going to allow yourself the chance to recognise any other man's good qualities because you're tied up in the FWB. Literally nothing good can come from a bloke who thinks you're ok for a shag but not good enough to be a girlfriend, surely? Sorry, I'm quite biased against FWB situations because I've seen how shittily they often end up, usually for women.

arethereanyleftatall Tue 26-May-20 08:12:38

Can't you do both? Meet him for a date to see if the spark is there then before deciding?

OntheWaves40 Tue 26-May-20 08:15:24

Unless you’ve actually met him then I don’t think you can really know him. He might be dull as dishwasher or he might just be rubbish at texting.

Sunshineandflipflops Tue 26-May-20 08:16:48

I Agree with @AnduinsGirl here.

I had a FWB type situation last year and always hoped it would lead to more but after 5 months he ended things. In a way I was glad as no-one else really stood a chance while I was hoping things would progress with him (we were bf/gf in all but the label).

The day after he ended things I met (swiped right on) my bf and 9 months later he is still here...literally...we are in lockdown together grin

This guy you have met online might not be the one but I don't think you're going to give anyone enough of a chance to be while FWB is hanging around.

Jumpinginwithbothfeet Tue 26-May-20 08:25:42

I realise I should end things with FWB to move on but selfishly I don't want to lose him and then have no one if OLD fails.

OP’s posts: |
AnduinsGirl Tue 26-May-20 08:30:23

I don't think it's necessarily selfish to feel like that, but I do think you're not recognising your own worth, and the damage you're doing to your self esteem. Surely it can't feel great having sex with a guy, hoping he'll ask you to be his girlfriend but aware he probably won't? There could be someone lovely online just perfect for you!

Jumpinginwithbothfeet Tue 26-May-20 08:39:41

You're right it doesn't feel great and that's why I joined OLD. I think I was just hoping for that initial spark of excitement when chatting to someone and that doesn't seem to be there. Although as said previously maybe he is just rubbish at texting!

OP’s posts: |
AnduinsGirl Tue 26-May-20 08:45:09

Possibly. And in all probability he isn't the one, but it's definitely worth exploring. I did the whole FWB thing in my 20's and look back at it now feeling sad and questioning why at the time I felt it was ok to be treated like that; what was so wrong with me that they didn't want me as a girlfriend? (Aware that not everyone looks back in sadness, btw.) I then did OLD and, yes, there were some less than great dates, but it was definitely worth doing. In the end I met my DP through an online game, where we just clicked and never looked back.

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