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Found BF back on dating site need to be sneaky!

(199 Posts)
Whatalife14 Mon 25-May-20 20:51:07

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year. Everything was great or so I thought. I had a gut feeling just to check he wasn’t on the site we met. Well there he was username changed but definitely him. I’m heartbroken devastated. We had a talk about the site and how we haven’t been on since we met just this past week. So to have him lie to my face makes me so mad and disappointed. He has just met my children after a year of dating because I was certain this was it. I want to just call him but I don’t want him to twist it and know I was on there. I have trusted him this whole time, I’m not sure what made me look. Has anyone any ideas about how I can call him out sneakily. I think I’m prolonging the fact I need to end this just hurts to know I’ve been used and we were a lie.

OP’s posts: |
Ragwort Mon 25-May-20 20:52:45

Why bother to call him out ‘sneakily’ ... just be very cool and calm and end it. Keep your self esteem.

Chocolate123 Mon 25-May-20 20:54:04

Why do need to call him out sneakily? You know he's there he's changed his name so has been on it. Did you just go on to check or create a new account?

LividLaughLovely Mon 25-May-20 20:54:38

You don’t need to be sneaky.

You need to have higher standards and end it immediately.

PegasusReturns Mon 25-May-20 20:54:54

No need to be sneaky.

Tell a little white lie if you must and tell him your friend saw him on the site.

Then dump him.

Igotta Mon 25-May-20 20:56:06

Just tell him.

AvoidingRealHumans Mon 25-May-20 20:56:28

I'd tell him someone you know saw him on there.

Well I wouldn't, I would just delete and block. He's wasted your time, you owe him nothing.

OhioOhioOhio Mon 25-May-20 20:57:04

Nah. I tell him that you don't think you are good together. When he asks why just say that you are not a liar and he is. That's it. Good on you for finding out. xxx

islandislandisland Mon 25-May-20 21:00:40

If it's tinder I think just deleting the app doesn't get rid of your profile, you have to actually delete that then the app otherwise you'll show up. I think so anyway..not to give you false hope but could it be that? Unless he has up to date pics/bio in which case obviously best to chuck him.

Adrianneannanne Mon 25-May-20 21:09:35

I'm going to probably go against everyone else's advice...

But I think if I were you, I'd want to see the messages. I'd still leave, but the not knowing would eat away at me.

I'd need that closure. Especially so um not tempted to go back, or Make excuses or be gaslighted.

FourPlasticRings Mon 25-May-20 21:11:25

Just tell him your friend saw him on there so you checked.

Adrianneannanne Mon 25-May-20 21:11:43

Also if it's tinder, he can't delete individual messages (but can unmatched people)

Whatalife14 Mon 25-May-20 21:15:45

It wasn’t tinder. I’m such a fool. I think I want him to have a good excuse but there isn’t one is there. God what a dinny I am. I made a fake account.

OP’s posts: |
Whatalife14 Mon 25-May-20 21:17:10

I said I had to go to bed and decided to check. Was feeling so bad for checking but knew it was him instantly. Said he had been active within the last 24 hrs.

OP’s posts: |
FlyingTinOfBeans Mon 25-May-20 21:19:12

After a year, your relationship should have been established by now and boundaries set. He's even met your child!

BrandNewHair Mon 25-May-20 21:21:28

You do need to be sneaky. you need to make sure dont you.

Read it. Digest it. Confront when you have all the facts

Good luck

backseatcookers Mon 25-May-20 21:21:39

No more digging required - you know enough to end it... so do!

Chocolate123 Mon 25-May-20 21:21:51

There is no excuse he's been active in a dating site in the last 24 hours. End it

FlyingTinOfBeans Mon 25-May-20 21:22:11

And nope, there's no excuse. A different username (so he's not easily found) AND the fact that he's been active in the last 24h...

MargotMoon Mon 25-May-20 21:27:29

By confronting him you are giving him an option to try and 'save' the relationship by talking you round. But do you really want that? You'll never trust him. You have all the info you need, tell him it's over and be glad you are rid of him.

Crystalspider Mon 25-May-20 21:31:00

I would be truthful and just say you had an doubt about him last week when you mentioned dating sites, something made you check? you trusted your intuition.

What a scumbag so sorry for you

Whatalife14 Mon 25-May-20 21:33:05

Yes a year just met my children three weeks ago. We had planned to move in together in October. Let my children get used to him. I thought I had a great guy and was doing everything right. I don’t need anymore facts there really is no excuse is there. Such a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I need to just do it. He’s at work till 6am now. Should I do it over phone, message in person? I wish I could just block him and ignore him but I love him more fool me.

OP’s posts: |
sawollya Mon 25-May-20 21:36:05

Don't call him out.

Tell him that you've been thinking and there's just something missing.

He's not quite everything that you need.

You are really sorry but you've gone off him because it turned out to be a bit flat. No hard feelings, but, you want a keeper.

That kind of speech

He thinks he has all the options. Don't bother to let him know you caught him.

SavannahCat Mon 25-May-20 21:44:18

Have you got a fake pic on the profile you've created OP? If yes, and, if you feel up to it, message him. Get hard evidence against him, so that he can't wriggle out of it X

sawollya Mon 25-May-20 21:47:03

Why bother!

It'd be more satisfying to pull the rug from under him, just leaving him wondering why he wasn't enough for you.

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