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Lazy partner

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user1481285182 Sun 24-May-20 16:49:28

AIBU I’ve been with my partner - not married for 20 years. He’s always been lazy but worked long hours outside the home and provided although I’ve worked full time since our eldest was 2 - she’s now 14. Financially everything is split 50/50 even though he always earned a lot more than me. I’ve never been happy about it but have lived with it as he did pay for extras like holidays. However 3 years ago his work dried up and he’s Only worked odd days and he’s not financially contributed for the last 6 months. We can manage as long as I Am careful with money And we have cut back a lot - no clubs for the kids and less money for treats however he hasn’t taken on more of the housework and this is making me really resentful. He says I am gaslighting him by complaining about the mess after work. If I ask him explicitly to do something he Says it is not his mess and then asks the teenagers to do it (14 and 17) and then there is a massive row. He does do the clothes washing for him and the kids and very basic cooking but is incapable of washing up or putting stuff away without several reminders . We are still paying a cleaner to come once a week to clean. I have tried withdrawing and just cooking for myself and the whole family seems happy to fend for themselves living on cereal and microwaved chicken and chips and the washing up just piles up. I don’t want to live like this any more And asked for a break but my partner won’t move out saying it is his home. Since lock down I now know he spends the day watching tv and sleeping. I have told him if I have to I will sell the house and we need to discuss what to say to the kids. He is sleeping in the spare room by choice since I had covid 19 symptoms 8 weeks ago. He says I am being completely unreasonable and no working husband would come home and ask what his wife had been doing all day. He also now makes jokes to the kids about me being demanding and rolls his eyes when I ask him nicely to clear up after himself. I can’t believe we are separating over house work but I am so fed up as I thought we were a partnership and it feels like I’ve been taken advantage of. I don’t want to spilt up as I think it will disrupt the kids lives in a crucial exam year but I am so angry I can’t speak calmly to him any more. Any suggestions?

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