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Heartbroken: who found love after 30?

(73 Posts)
heartbrokenandafraid Sun 24-May-20 11:55:26

I'm in a very dark place right now as my boyfriend has told me he wants to end our two year relationship. He no longer wants to have children, I do. He says he can't live with the guilt of preventing me. We've had a lot of bad luck with various things and he says he's not sure he can handle our relationship at its current stress level. I think he's just worn out and wants out. He says he still loves me, but I'm not sure if I believe him.

I love him more than anything and I can't bear the thought of being with anyone else. Very low and having very dark thoughts.

Please share any stories if you are happily with someone that you met later in life? I'm just about to turn 32.

Thank you 

OP’s posts: |
DeeCeeCherry Sun 24-May-20 12:21:46

I love him more than anything and I can't bear the thought of being with anyone else. Very low and having very dark thoughts

I thought same after finishing with my ex. However I eventually decided 1 man in this world wasn't going to cause me to blight my life. So I got up & showed up even when I didn't feel like it. Tried new things, holiday, the usual. Anyway despite being completely and utterly unable to imagine being with any other man, of course I did eventually meet someone. That's what happens.

Never make a man the centre of your world and reason for being. It does no good. Breakups are horrible there's no getting away from the despair of it. But you can and have to go through the sadness tears misery, and trust that you'll come out the other side ok.

I wasnt even married or a mum yet at your age. Do you have friends and family you can reach out to, even via phone? Hang in there.

Shineonyou Sun 24-May-20 12:24:21

You will smile Find a man who loves you and won’t let you go.

Caramel78 Sun 24-May-20 12:24:39

My mum met my dad when she was 34 and got married at 35 and had two kids. My best friend is 35 and just got married and they are trying for a baby. Think she met him when she was 33. My god mum had all three of her kids when she was in her early 40s.
Try not to focus on the future too much as it will just make anxious thoughts spiral. You’re still really young even if you don’t feel like time is on your side.

Insertwitticismhere Sun 24-May-20 12:25:26

Yep ..found myself in same situation as you except we'd been together more than a decade..
Got married at 36 two dc by the time I was 39. Never been happier. Hang in there!

Livedandlearned Sun 24-May-20 12:26:36

I did

BitOfFun Sun 24-May-20 12:31:36

Me! I was 33- blissfully happy after 15 years together now.

I'm so sorry you are going through this just now. It will pass, honestly.

StewPots Sun 24-May-20 12:33:45

I did....granted it didn't work out how I wanted in the end but it gave me hope that love can be found again after what was a devastating separation from my husband at 35 after 8 years together.

Currently I'm in a very new relationship and so far all the signs are good, and if it continues the hopefully more will develop smile

Give yourself the time and space to heal from this - however you need to. You will know when you are ready to try again, and when it happens it will be amazing smile

IdblowJonSnow Sun 24-May-20 12:40:20

Yes if course. 32 is so young. Let him go if he wants to and dont be scared of the heartbreak, you will come out the other side.
You need other things and people in your life always OP. flowers

Dawn0ft0m0rr0w Sun 24-May-20 12:49:18

What he might mean, is that he doesn't want children with you
Or
He doesn't want children now (during virus time/unsecure job)
Or
That he doesn't want children forever

It is not wrong for to have these feelings

However, if YOU want children, you need to make a quick exit & start making other plans

MondeoFan Sun 24-May-20 12:53:19

Listen you both want different things. It's for the best. I know you don't want to hear that but in 6 months time you will know what this means. You want kids and he doesn't and you shouldn't be denying yourself that.
Let him go and never look back.
I met someone at 42 and had a baby at 43

BitOfFun Sun 24-May-20 13:19:13

Good point, Mondeo.

heartbrokenandafraid Sun 24-May-20 13:25:34

Thank you everyone. Your stories are encouraging.

I understand his position btw, I'm not begrudging him it although it is frustrating because he spent the first year of our relationship being very positive about wanting children and I would never have gone out with someone who didn't.

I flit between seeing a glimmer of hope and feeling the need to end it all. I met my boyfriend after an abusive relationship (physically and emotionally) and have since developed a chronic health condition that affects my quality of life and have lost my job. I just feel like the world is telling me to give up and I don't have any fight left.

OP’s posts: |
FortunesFavour Sun 24-May-20 13:38:43

I was exactly where you are at 35 OP. I thought my world was falling in when my relationship ended.

Happy to report 10 years on that it was the best thing that could ever have happened. My career has soared without ex undermining my confidence, I have traveled the world, and next year I’m marrying the most amazing guy. None of this happiness would have been possible if I was still in bad old relationship.

Have faith OP! You will feel awful and sad for a while but eventually you’ll recover and you have so many possibilities for happiness ahead. My life is sooooo much better than it would have been if that old relationship hadn’t hit the rocks. I just didn’t know it at the time. Good luck x

tinselvestsparklepants Sun 24-May-20 13:44:47

Met him at 33, married him at 35, just celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary. I knew when I met him that it was right - I was old enough to know myself and recognise that he (without needing to change) was right for me. He was worth waiting for (I was single for 5 years before hand). I wish you the same happiness.

HazelBite Sun 24-May-20 13:59:23

OP your life will go on, but it will be different and not the life that you had expected it would be.
I know its difficult to try and be positive. One of my DS's was in a long term relationship (living together talking about marriage and dc's) when his partner became suddenly very distant and kept picking fights and finally walked out. Six months on she was engaged to someone else.
Ds has been devastated, his way of coping, was to become very busy, he hasn't had a moment to spare, and has been very busy even during lockdown. He hasn't met that special someone yet but he is getting on with life.
One day OP you will feel better, try and look at it from the point of view that he isn't the man you thought he was.

Notverygrownup Sun 24-May-20 14:10:39

Oh bless you. I split with my ex aged 33, met my now dh aged 35, married at 37, and we went onto have 2 children.

Best friend was left by her ex at 32 who also didn't want children. Married at 40. Adopted a little girl aged 46.

Other good friend, divorced at 34. Did a PhD. Now v happy having started her own business, and finally at 55 met a lovely new partner.

Other good friend, divorced at 33. Met new partner (after kissing a few toads) over the next 2 years. How has 2 daughters and hopes to get married once lockdown is over.

So IME, most of my friends all found love after 30. I think we all, found it incredibly tough at the time and there were some dark times for us all. I would also say that we survived by focusing on ourselves and not looking too hard for a man. Most of us changed jobs at around the same time too.

So sorry to hear about your job and your health. Do you have good female friends to support you? They are worth their weight in gold at a time like this. Look after yourself.

Notverygrownup Sun 24-May-20 14:11:33

And yy to what HazelBite has posted.

wallywonker Sun 24-May-20 14:11:46

Absolutely!

Split up with awful XP at 32.5. Met DH at 35. Married at 37. No children but he is literally the best thing that ever happened to me. We have a great life together.

Move on and don't dwell on what has happened. Focus on yourself and do things that make you happy. The right one will show up.

Mucklowe Sun 24-May-20 15:21:37

I was single from the age of 31 to 37. Then I met my now DH, and I'm expecting DC1 in August at the age of 39.

BrandyandBabycham Sun 24-May-20 15:25:46

Sorry OP 💐 I was beginning to think I would never meet the right person then I met DH when I was 35 & got married just over a year later.

Eesha Sun 24-May-20 16:31:53

This gives me some hope too! Single 2.5 years after an abusive relationship and in a good place generally so it does make me wonder if I'll ever meet someone lovely. I'm 42.

thebear1 Sun 24-May-20 16:35:52

I met my husband in my early 30's and we have 2 children and most of my friends met the person they have a child with in their 30's. It is not uncommon. I hope you meet someone who makes you happy op.

AllyBamma Sun 24-May-20 16:42:59

Of course you will, you are so young!
I was married at 30, divorced by 31 (long story), met my now fiancé at 33, pregnant and engaged at 35, became a mother at 36. It just keeps getting better. You can’t see it right now because you’re in the thick of the worst part but the best is yet to come xx

OtterBe4 Sun 24-May-20 16:53:19

Better you know now than waste more years, 32 is young!
I remarried at 33, had my DD a year later, don't waste time with him he won't change.

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