Hi everyone. Been a member of mumsnet for a long time but have name changed for this post incase outing.
Background, met my husband when we were 18 and we have been together for 20 years. (sounds a long time but I'm still only 38!)
I had normal teenage boyfriends before him and lots of fun. I didn't really think we would have stayed together as it was just abit of young fun at first but we have. Our first few years were the normal full of fun and passion etc.
Then normal life, got a home, progressed in careers, had kids. Both still primary age. We aren't rich, we aren't poor. We just have a lovely normal life together.
But..... I suppose its the case of is the grass always greener on the other side?
I have been with this man for my entire adult life, and same for him. Every single part of my life has been shared with him.
He isn't amazing, he isn't terrible. He's just a normal guy who leans towards being a grumpy old sod nowadays. He loves us, i know he does, although he doesn't really show his emotions. I do think we settled for each other.
My problem is that I pine, yearn and long for freedom. Now, that makes me sound controlled and trapped. I am not at all, apart from I'm currently a sahm so I am reliant on him financially.
I have never been an adult without him. I've never done anything apart from him like a girls holiday etc (I only have one good friend now and she's just had a baby with disabilities so no chance of this happening at the moment unfortunately).
I have never made a single decision in my life that's not involved him. My car, our home, how we decorate, what furniture to buy, what to buy our kids, where to go on holiday, where to work, what area to live in, what meals to cook. What our days consist of. When we see family. Everything!! I know this sounds silly but when you've never done it you want it!! I literally went from living with my parents who I had to answer to, to immediately living with him age 21 and sharing all decisions.
If we ever separated I would not want another relationship. Its not that I yearn for another man. I just want to live my own life!! The thought of being stuck with him when the kids have flown the nest fills me with dread because we don't have the same interests. I want to go out all the time and travel and see the world, he wants to stay home and never go anywhere and do DIY projects which he loves. I just feel like is this it? Is this my life?? You get one life and I don't feel like im living it how I want to. Selfishly I suppose. Can anyone relate?
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Relationships
Is it normal to feel this way after 20 years together?
Muminlockdown2020 · 24/05/2020 11:35
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