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Doing it all again - Anxiety(2 Posts)
1st LTR he cheated, I ended it. He was emotionally abusive too.
2nd LTR all was good or so I thought. One day I came home from work all his stuff was gone and I was blocked on everything. No word or warning.
I've been used as a punchbag and raped by others.
Said after that I wasn't going to do it again, wasn't going to line myself up to get hurt that way again.
Since saying that, I started a new job and met an amazing guy. Weve been together now for 10 months, he has shown me what real love is, we love eachother to bits. He's so loving, caring and attentive. He knows everything there is to know about me and vice versa.
I'm haunted by my past relationships and I'm scared to death of being hurt again. I don't think it'll happen with this guy, when you know, you know, right? We've spoke about marriage, getting our own place. Growing old together.
We've not seen eachother since lockdown but we do videocall, chat and text daily.
But also during lockdown, my mind has been doing overtime. What if this, what if that. Ive got no reason to be thinking these things and I'm worried that my anxieties will end up pushing him away. I tell him worries, I can tell him anything and he's been so good and understanding. Tells me it'll all work out once the lockdown is over and we can move forward with our life together.
How do I get myself out of this way of thinking? I've got to stop it, ive got no reason to be thinking like this.
Help me please!
I think it’s normal to feel anxious at this stage in a relationship even without lockdown. Between 6 and 12 months is often the time where people find out whether their partner is really everything they hoped for in the first six months. You find out how the other person handles conflict and what their bad habits are, and you start thinking about whether you can live with someone who is always half an hour late, or wears odd socks, or hates cats or whatever.
Lockdown disrupts this stage, and also you don’t get the same body language stuff on FaceTime as you get when someone is in the room with you. You also don’t have the emotional comfort of physical contact. It’s quite disorienting.
It’s good that your boyfriend is reassuring you. You might need to accept that the next couple of months will be weird and you’ll have to do the 6-12 month stage all over again once lockdown is over. And also, it’s acceptable to be anxious. Be kind to yourself.
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